After my first post day 0
This is just my journal for my future me.
While everything is alright in my life: I feel empty, depressed, anxious. It's really not easy.
MY SECRET TACTIC. SUGAR AND MORE SUGAR.
Day 0: It was pure hell, so intense I didn't manage to handle the urge. I was ashamed and had to reset the counter TWICE.
Day 1: Really awful. Light headed, wanting to cry. I saw some things saying "an urge lasts 5-30min", wtf are these scientists, 8h of urge is more accurate.
Day 2: I wanted literally nothing. To the point I forced myself to walk. After 15min walking I told myself: i want to cry. So went straight back to my bed in a lateral security position. My brain still had one idea: please just one.
Day 3: same. However, I went to the gym. I felt so light headed that I left after only 45min. And, at night time I went for a walk, for the first time I was calmer. CALMER is a big of a word. It's like a 100km/h blast in a storm while it usually peak at 300.
Day 4: Did compensate for the urge with coffee and sugar. Oh, fuck I went from the nicotine lobby to feeding chocolate industry. Today, my panic level dropped from let's say 9 to 7.5? It's not enormous but I could manage my emotions just a bit.
Until, now. It's impressive how each hour is different. 80h is NOTHING, but.. I want to remind myself how I feel these days. And HELL NAH IT'S SHIT DON'T SMOKE AGAIN.