My partner of 12 years recently came out as trans and honestly, my head is all over the place.
When we first met, they dressed more from a kink perspective, so I never connected it to gender identity. At the end of March they started talking about dressing more generally, and things have moved very quickly since then towards wanting a full transition. We’re now looking at getting a referral to officially start that journey.
I’m trying really hard to support them because I love them deeply, but I’m also struggling with a lot of mixed emotions myself. We both want to stay together, but I’ve been honest that I don’t know how I’ll react emotionally at different milestones along the way.
A huge thing I’m wrestling with is my own identity. I’ve always seen myself as a straight women and never imagined being in a relationship with another woman, which realistically is what this relationship may become after transition.
We also share a 5 year old together and have two stepdaughters, so there’s another layer of trying to navigate this as a family and thinking about how to support the children properly through any changes ahead.
I feel guilt for struggling, fear about the future, sadness for the life I thought we’d have, but also love and a real desire to support them properly. It feels like I’m trying to support someone else’s huge life change while also trying to understand what it means for me.
Has anyone else been through something similar, either as the partner of someone transitioning or as the trans person themselves? Especially couples who stayed together? I’d really appreciate hearing how the journey felt from your perspective and how things changed emotionally over time.