drained
i recently was given a higher dosage of fluoxetine, (40mg to 60mg) and i've been taking it for a few weeks now. i know it takes time to kick in but if i'm honest i feel even worse. i would like to give it credit for helping me reduce self harm but that's just because i threw away my blades and don't have money to get more. i'm reluctant to use kitchen knives and everyday sharps, so i just try to push away the feeling. however, i just can't shake it. i'm feeling more and more depressed, i haven't been to school in weeks. i need to go otherwise my future of being a doctor won't happen. but it's just so difficult, it's like i can't do anything. i've happily gone out with my partner and done stuff with family, school just hits me wrong. unfortunately my anxiety has pushed me to the edge, i'm hallucinating. i suddenly feel as if my partner's ignoring me, which he is not. he has school and work too. it feels as if i'm driving myself into a deep dark hole of sorrow. just this year i felt i was finally improving after so long of being stuck alone. the feelings are swelling up again and i can't take it. it's irrational, but i'm so done. i'm starting to think i should drop school, drop everything around me. i wanna stay in my room and cry until i can't breathe. i feel so, so small and alone, even though i'm not. this earth is so miserable