FEEDBACK ON EARLT SCRIPT FOR MY FIRST FILM : PERMIT
Permit
Genre: Thriller
Page Count: 10
Logline: Trapped in a claustrophobic car during a high-stakes driving test, a stressed-out 17-year-old must navigate chaotic roads, a brutal over-the-phone breakup, and a completely oblivious virtual driving coach—leading to a surreal, rhythmically censored mental collapse.
Synopsis
PERMIT opens at its chaotic breaking point: Main (17) is sitting in a wrecked vehicle, covered in blood. However, in a surreal, stylistic twist, his explicit language is entirely masked by the piercing, frantic chirp of a phone ring layered over a shrill, screeching electric guitar. As the flashing red and blue lights of the police arrive, the film smashes to its title card and winds the clock back 1 hour and 40 minutes to show the audience exactly how he got there.
Anyway, here's the link to the google drive: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1sIYncBJYKuDFxwxHb8nEqYblQ3wVV4IJ/view?usp=drive_link