i met someone (parody)
last sunday i met this guy through reddit. he wanted to go to this event w me and i said yes even tho my inner voice was literally screaming “girl stay home” but i ignored it 😭 so i went to meet him and when i saw him… oh! he looked exactly like his blurry discord pfp. anyway we started talking and somehow every topic led back to crypto and “the grind.” he told me he was from another city and was “temporarily staying with his cousin until things pick up” so i got a lil concerned.
then we were sitting on a bench and he put his arm around me and i immediately smelled 14 different axe body sprays fighting for dominance 😭😭😭 i got so nervous not because he was attractive but because i genuinely couldnt breathe.
so we decided to meet again the other day and went to watch a movie. we picked the last seats in the theatre so we cld sit close together but this man kept explaining the plot every 3 minutes like sir WE ARE BOTH WATCHING 😭😭
after the movie we went to dinner and he spent the whole time showing me “sigma male motivation” reels and pictures of his gaming setup with LED lights. i swear at that moment all i could think about was going home and deleting my reddit account.
hes so unique ive genuinely never met anyone like him in my whole life. he argues with waiters, calls himself an empath, and said he doesnt believe in drinking water because “air has water in it already.”
now he went back again and hes in some random gc arguing abt anime power scaling so we can only talk once a week. i cant wait to not hear from him again 🥰😭