Struggling with recent pet illness
Hello fellow OCD folks,
I'm a 40F who has had OCD since approximately 8 years old. I'm a lifelong therapy goer, and a recent OCD Conqueror through a popular OCD therapy platform. My regular counselor is on medical leave, and I'm currently on monthly check-ins with a different therapist, and so far, we just aren't clicking.
My OCD themes are heavily around keeping loved ones safe, including pets. I recently experienced a traumatic event with my husband's health where they accidentally told me he had coded on the table, and thankfully he hadn't, but it took about 15 minutes to determine this was a case of mistaken identity. This triggered a huge spike in OCD for me, and I went back to therapy. I keep "graduating" and I'm thankful that once I was stable, this therapy option I'm in right now doesn't just drop me - they put you on a maintenance program. But, not having my regular therapist and what is currently happening in my life is causing me some issues.
A few weeks ago my husband noticed our 6-8 year old cat's pupil was larger and wasn't going back to normal. We went to the ER vet who said, "Just do a wellcheck, nothing immediate wrong." I sought a second opinion, and we ended up at the state's only veterinary ophthalmologist. She was diagnosed with a serious condition that could take her eyesight if we don't treat it, and we have found a new vet who is seeing her for the first time on Friday to see if they can do pressures (the opthalmologist is a 6 hour round trip drive) and also so we can do our yearly well check. We have to put drops in her eye twice a day, and she's so tiny. I have to kind of "mother goose" her to get her to sit still for the drops, and I've noticed that she seems more lethargic, less herself, and like she is almost depressed. She's also been constipated so one of the vets suggested Miralax which we have been giving her, and this is increasing her water consumption, so I have thoughts of kidney disease, or diabetes... our previous cat we had for 15 years had a sudden turn of kidney disease and was diabetic half her life and we did insulin shots.
I'm trying to get a session with my temporary therapist and have one tomorrow, but I am REALLY struggling at just sitting with the discomfort that something even worse might be wrong, or that her eye drops are causing lower potassium and she's getting sick. She's been to three vet trips including a 6 hour car ride in the last 2 weeks, so our schedule is all messed up, I'm pouncing on her twice a day for these eye drops...
I'm really struggling. I just want to cry. I feel like I'm failing her but my husband has said she seems no different to him. I feel like I'm losing my best girl.
Thank you for reading. ❤️