I just need to get this off of my chest. This will be a long one. Somthing I've been keeping for a while
So although this is something that happened years ago it still weighs on me and I'm disgusted with myself in everyway and I can't get past it. When I was in elementary I was introduced to porn.
It's stayed with me in a werid way and it led to my porn addiction. As I had it I started to want to watch it whenever I could after school, at home, anytime. It wasn't that bad untill my older cousin a female played a game with me called house she was my mom but during the game she closed the door and jumped on me I was scared but never gained the courage to tell anyone.
After that I became hypersexual I ledgit couldn't stop watching porn I wanted to experiment with everything. I made videos that would get deleted immediately after making. But I did somthing terrible My first person, my younger cousin when I was 7-9 I grinded on him and I knew it wasnt right but the urge literally guided me to do it .
I did the same thing with my very young brother when I was 12 but made him pinch my nipple which I also knew was wrong but I wanted some type of satisfaction. There was only one more interaction like that where I was arousing my self at like 13-14 while my older sister layed on me.
I did mini things ppl wouldn't have noticed unless they looked like slipping a boob out my swimsuit or somthing like that at an empty pool. I even got so curious I sent a nude anonymously no of my private area tho only my breast to someone who wanted one.
Like I am disgusting and its hard to let go even tho I was so young but the ppl I did it to was also young. I did many things but past 13-14 I haven't done anything like that but my hypersexual and porn addiction never went away only got more kinkier with worse material and subject based things like its so hard to stop and the smut I read doesn't make anything better.
I am currently 15 going on 16 when this immense guilt.