u/Educational-Dare3122

I need an objective perspective. For years, my older brother "Rudolf" and his wife "Leslie" have brought nothing but conflict, boundary-crossing, and toxicity into our family. Things finally blew up recently, and I’ve cut them off completely. Now that my child is here, I’m holding firm on keeping them away from my family, but I want to know if I’m right for opting out of this drama.
Here is the full breakdown of how this built up over time:

1. The Nephew's 1st Birthday (The Garden Incident)
   Years ago, during college spring break, I traveled to stay with Rudolf and Leslie to help them prepare for my nephew’s 1st birthday party. I got there a few days early specifically to help. Over the week, I put in at least 4 full days of hard manual labor—landscaping, replanting, and mulching a new garden and flower bed in front of their house.
   Because I was too young to rent a car, I needed a ride to the post office each day to handle an urgent errand. Every single day for 5 days, I asked if someone could take me, but there was always an excuse.
   Saturday was the day of the party and my last day in town. Rudolf and my dad left for an hour-long drive to pick up the birthday cake. In the meantime, I did all the heavy lifting: cleaning the house, setting up the tables and chairs, and helping watch the nephews. As soon as I finished, since no one would drive me, I finally ordered an Uber to the post office.
   Just 5 minutes after I left, Leslie called Rudolf in a panic, lying that he needed to turn around because "she was all by herself and no one was helping her." Her sister was literally right there helping her. My dad called me furiously, demanding I turn around immediately. I explained everything I had already done, hung up, finished at the post office, and came back. When I got to the house, Leslie was giving me an attitude, and Rudolf was angry at me for being "too impatient" to wait until the next day—completely ignoring that I’d been asking for 5 days straight after spending four days redoing their entire yard.
2. Drifting Apart and the High School Fling
   After that, I started pulling away. Whenever I visited the area, I wouldn't go to their house, but I’d invite them to meet up where I was staying. They always had an excuse not to come.
   Around this time, I learned about the history with my middle brother, "Jerry," and his wife, "Matilda." Before Rudolf and Leslie ever met, Jerry and Leslie had a brief fling back in high school. Jerry actually spoke to Rudolf about it before getting married to clear the air. But Leslie kept stirring the pot, telling people Jerry did drugs back then and constantly talking trash about him.
   One day, Leslie was talking to me and going on a rant about Jerry, saying she didn't want Rudolf having frequent conversations with him. I told her straight up that her place as a wife was to unify the family, not break it apart. She dismissed me and claimed she actually tells Rudolf to stay in contact with me and Jerry—contradicting herself entirely within the same conversation.
3. Sabotaging My Engagement & Wedding
   A couple of years later, my then-fiancee and I went to town for my nephew’s kindergarten graduation, using the trip as an excuse for my family to meet my fiancee. One day, I left with Rudolf to run some errands. Leslie used that exact window of time—the very first time she was ever alone with my fiancee—to talk bad about Jerry. When my fiancee told me, I advised her not to pay attention to Leslie and made it clear that Leslie is not a good person.
   Then came our wedding. An hour before our rehearsal dinner, Rudolf nonchalantly told me he wasn't going to show up because he "rather do something else."
4. The Honeymoon and the Address Rant
   My wife and I went on our honeymoon near where they live because it's a popular vacation spot. Since it was our honeymoon, I didn't visit anyone and just enjoyed newlywed life with my wife. (Fun fact: Rudolf eloped, so he never had a wedding or a honeymoon of his own).
   A couple of months later, I returned to the area with my in-laws. I reached out to Rudolf and told him they were more than welcome to join us and meet my in-laws, but once again, they refused to come.
   During that time, I had something shipped to Rudolf’s house for my dad to pick up. Rudolf went off on me, ranting about how I only use his address when it benefits me, but never visit. I reminded him that a honeymoon is for enjoying my wife, not visiting family, and that I had explicitly invited him to join us with my in-laws on this trip and he chose not to. I dropped it after that.
5. The Group Chat, the Hospital, and the Final Straw
   Eventually, my wife got pregnant. In our family group chat, Leslie kept asking my wife how the pregnancy was going instead of messaging her privately. She only did this so my dad would see it and think she was being a caring sister-in-law.
   One day, Leslie sent us a message. We didn't see it or reply right away because my pregnant wife and I were involved in a car accident. We spent the entire night in the hospital making sure the baby was safe. Exhausted, worried, and sleep-deprived, checking group chats was the last thing on our minds.
   The very next day, I received an angry voice message from Rudolf. He called my wife and me "insolent" for ignoring a message from someone who "cared about us," telling us to go see which friends would actually stick with us through thick and thin because "that's what family is for."
   I immediately called him back and explained that we had just been in a car crash and spent the night in the hospital worrying about our baby. I put my foot down, told him I would no longer tolerate this disrespect toward me and my wife, and demanded an apology.
   He refused, claiming he was "just stating facts and the truth" and that there was no reason to apologize.
   Where Things Stand Now
   I haven't called or visited him since. My baby has now been born, and my family's safety and peace are my only priorities.
   I still allow my nephews to come over to my house and spend time with us because children have no business in adult problems, but Rudolf is strictly banned from my home, and I maintain zero relationship with him. He has no boundaries and zero respect for my wife and me.
   I recently called Jerry to vent. He confirmed that Leslie completely drove a wedge between him and Rudolf, even though they used to be inseparable growing up. Matilda also overheard us talking and revealed that Leslie regularly texts her behind our backs to talk trash about my wife and me.
   To make matters worse, a major confrontation recently happened between Leslie, Rudolf, Matilda, and Jerry over the high school fling. They all stopped speaking to each other entirely, and it nearly caused Jerry and Matilda to get a divorce.
   I just want closure for myself. Am I making a big deal out of nothing after all these years of build-up, or am I completely justified in keeping my brother and his wife out of my child's life?

I need an objective perspective. For years, my older brother "Rudolf" and his wife "Leslie" have brought nothing but conflict, boundary-crossing, and toxicity into our family. Things finally blew up recently, and I’ve cut them off completely. Now that my child is here, I’m holding firm on keeping them away from my family, but I want to know if I’m right for opting out of this drama.
Here is the full breakdown of how this built up over time:

1. The Nephew's 1st Birthday (The Garden Incident)
   Years ago, during college spring break, I traveled to stay with Rudolf and Leslie to help them prepare for my nephew’s 1st birthday party. I got there a few days early specifically to help. Over the week, I put in at least 4 full days of hard manual labor—landscaping, replanting, and mulching a new garden and flower bed in front of their house.
   Because I was too young to rent a car, I needed a ride to the post office each day to handle an urgent errand. Every single day for 5 days, I asked if someone could take me, but there was always an excuse.
   Saturday was the day of the party and my last day in town. Rudolf and my dad left for an hour-long drive to pick up the birthday cake. In the meantime, I did all the heavy lifting: cleaning the house, setting up the tables and chairs, and helping watch the nephews. As soon as I finished, since no one would drive me, I finally ordered an Uber to the post office.
   Just 5 minutes after I left, Leslie called Rudolf in a panic, lying that he needed to turn around because "she was all by herself and no one was helping her." Her sister was literally right there helping her. My dad called me furiously, demanding I turn around immediately. I explained everything I had already done, hung up, finished at the post office, and came back. When I got to the house, Leslie was giving me an attitude, and Rudolf was angry at me for being "too impatient" to wait until the next day—completely ignoring that I’d been asking for 5 days straight after spending four days redoing their entire yard.
2. Drifting Apart and the High School Fling
   After that, I started pulling away. Whenever I visited the area, I wouldn't go to their house, but I’d invite them to meet up where I was staying. They always had an excuse not to come.
   Around this time, I learned about the history with my middle brother, "Jerry," and his wife, "Matilda." Before Rudolf and Leslie ever met, Jerry and Leslie had a brief fling back in high school. Jerry actually spoke to Rudolf about it before getting married to clear the air. But Leslie kept stirring the pot, telling people Jerry did drugs back then and constantly talking trash about him.
   One day, Leslie was talking to me and going on a rant about Jerry, saying she didn't want Rudolf having frequent conversations with him. I told her straight up that her place as a wife was to unify the family, not break it apart. She dismissed me and claimed she actually tells Rudolf to stay in contact with me and Jerry—contradicting herself entirely within the same conversation.
3. Sabotaging My Engagement & Wedding
   A couple of years later, my then-fiancee and I went to town for my nephew’s kindergarten graduation, using the trip as an excuse for my family to meet my fiancee. One day, I left with Rudolf to run some errands. Leslie used that exact window of time—the very first time she was ever alone with my fiancee—to talk bad about Jerry. When my fiancee told me, I advised her not to pay attention to Leslie and made it clear that Leslie is not a good person.
   Then came our wedding. An hour before our rehearsal dinner, Rudolf nonchalantly told me he wasn't going to show up because he "rather do something else."
4. The Honeymoon and the Address Rant
   My wife and I went on our honeymoon near where they live because it's a popular vacation spot. Since it was our honeymoon, I didn't visit anyone and just enjoyed newlywed life with my wife. (Fun fact: Rudolf eloped, so he never had a wedding or a honeymoon of his own).
   A couple of months later, I returned to the area with my in-laws. I reached out to Rudolf and told him they were more than welcome to join us and meet my in-laws, but once again, they refused to come.
   During that time, I had something shipped to Rudolf’s house for my dad to pick up. Rudolf went off on me, ranting about how I only use his address when it benefits me, but never visit. I reminded him that a honeymoon is for enjoying my wife, not visiting family, and that I had explicitly invited him to join us with my in-laws on this trip and he chose not to. I dropped it after that.
5. The Group Chat, the Hospital, and the Final Straw
   Eventually, my wife got pregnant. In our family group chat, Leslie kept asking my wife how the pregnancy was going instead of messaging her privately. She only did this so my dad would see it and think she was being a caring sister-in-law.
   One day, Leslie sent us a message. We didn't see it or reply right away because my pregnant wife and I were involved in a car accident. We spent the entire night in the hospital making sure the baby was safe. Exhausted, worried, and sleep-deprived, checking group chats was the last thing on our minds.
   The very next day, I received an angry voice message from Rudolf. He called my wife and me "insolent" for ignoring a message from someone who "cared about us," telling us to go see which friends would actually stick with us through thick and thin because "that's what family is for."
   I immediately called him back and explained that we had just been in a car crash and spent the night in the hospital worrying about our baby. I put my foot down, told him I would no longer tolerate this disrespect toward me and my wife, and demanded an apology.
   He refused, claiming he was "just stating facts and the truth" and that there was no reason to apologize.
   Where Things Stand Now
   I haven't called or visited him since. My baby has now been born, and my family's safety and peace are my only priorities.
   I still allow my nephews to come over to my house and spend time with us because children have no business in adult problems, but Rudolf is strictly banned from my home, and I maintain zero relationship with him. He has no boundaries and zero respect for my wife and me.
   I recently called Jerry to vent. He confirmed that Leslie completely drove a wedge between him and Rudolf, even though they used to be inseparable growing up. Matilda also overheard us talking and revealed that Leslie regularly texts her behind our backs to talk trash about my wife and me.
   To make matters worse, a major confrontation recently happened between Leslie, Rudolf, Matilda, and Jerry over the high school fling. They all stopped speaking to each other entirely, and it nearly caused Jerry and Matilda to get a divorce.
   I just want closure for myself. Am I making a big deal out of nothing after all these years of build-up, or am I completely justified in keeping my brother and his wife out of my child's life?