r/AITAHBlackEdition

My situ/GF who is seeing orher guys, and told me as much the day before in a whole argument, wrecked her car coming to see me after a night out drinking.

Cussed my out the days after, made it out to be my fault why it all happened, then told me one of her guys she's "cool with" sent money to fix it, but weeks later it is still at her place, not a thing has been touched.

She is probably running the same game with them as she's trying to with me, and I said that which incensed her further, lmao.

AITA for not caring and not helping her? I'm not contributing along with Lord knows who else to the Go-Fund-a-Bi!@#.

Am I the A$$H...?

Comments are welcome please.

Throwaway because my wife knows my main.

I (42M) have been married to my wife “Lisa” (40F) for eight years. We both came into the marriage with daughters from previous relationships. I have “Maya” (16F), and she has “Chloe” (15F). For the past eight years, I have treated both girls equally. I’ve paid for Chloe’s private school tuition, attended every parent-teacher conference, coached her soccer team, and made sure she had everything she needed. I genuinely love her like my own.

The problem started about a year ago when Chloe hit her teenage rebellion phase. Every time I tried to enforce a rule or set a curfew, she would roll her eyes and say: “You’re not my real dad, so you can’t tell me what to do.” Lisa would sometimes back her up, saying I needed to “step back” because I was being too strict.

I let it slide a few times, but the final straw was last month. Chloe snuck out of the house at 2 a.m., took my car without permission (she doesn't have a license), and crashed it into a neighbor's fence. Total damage: $2,800. When I tried to ground her and make her get a job to pay back at least part of the cost, Lisa flipped and screamed at me: “She’s right, you’re NOT her father! You have NO right to punish her!”

She said it in front of both girls.

So I took her words literally. I stopped paying for Chloe’s extracurriculars and told Lisa those expenses were now her responsibility. I stopped driving Chloe to her friends' houses. I stopped checking her homework.

Now Maya’s 16th birthday just passed. I bought Maya a used car (within my budget, nothing crazy) as a gift. Chloe saw it, got excited, and asked where her car was. I looked at her and said, “I’m not your real dad. Talk to your mom about getting you a car.”

The house EXPLODED. Lisa said I was being cruel and “punishing a child for being honest.” My mother-in-law called me a piece of shit. Chloe is crying in her room and won’t talk to me. Lisa is threatening to take Chloe and leave if I don’t apologize and buy Chloe a car too.

I told Lisa that if she wanted me to be a father, she shouldn’t have told me I wasn’t one. You can’t have it both ways.

AITAH for treating my stepdaughter exactly the way she and my wife told me to treat her?

Throwaway because my husband knows my username.

I (34F) am a Black woman. My husband "Mark" (36M) is white. We've been married 8 years. I work in cybersecurity making $180K/year. Mark was laid off 6 years ago and never went back to full-time work. He does DoorDash occasionally but brings in maybe $1,000/month.

For 6 years, I've paid for everything—mortgage, bills, groceries, vacations. All me. I didn't mind because we agreed he'd handle the house while I focused on my career.

The problem is his mother "Patricia" (62F). She's never worked. She lives on social security and whatever Mark gives her. For 3 years, Mark has been sending her $1,500/month from MY salary without asking. When I found out, he said she's "family." He apologized but kept doing it.

Last month, Patricia called me directly asking for a NEW CAR. She said her 12-year-old Honda was "embarrassing" and that since I "make so much," I should "bless her" with a $35,000 SUV. She called me "stingy" for driving a 2019 Toyota while she "needs" something newer.

I lost it. I told her: "I'm not your husband or your daughter. I'm your daughter-in-law, and I'm tired of funding your life while you sit home doing nothing." She cried and hung up.

Then I told Mark: "I'm done. No more money for your mother. You have 60 days to get a full-time job, or I'm separating our finances and you're on your own."

Mark flipped. He said I was "emasculating" him and that "a wife supports her husband." He said his mother is his responsibility and I'm cruel for cutting her off. He's been sleeping on the couch giving me the silent treatment for a week.

My MIL is calling our relatives, telling them I'm a "selfish, greedy Black woman who married her son for control." My own mom says I should "give him another chance" because "marriage is about compromise."

I've been compromising for 6 years. I'm exhausted.

AITAH for refusing to keep funding my MIL's life and demanding my husband finally get a job?

Throwaway because my daughter-in-law follows my main.

I (57F) am a Black woman, the mother of the groom—my son “Derek” (29M). He's getting married next month to “Amber” (27F), who is white. I’ve always been welcoming to Amber. She’s nice, she makes my son happy, and I’ve never had a problem with her race. That said, I’ve been very open about our family traditions and what certain things mean to us.

The issue is about a song. In my family, there’s a specific R&B/soul song that my late husband (Derek’s father) used to sing to me at every family gathering. He passed away five years ago. That song is deeply personal. It’s not just "music" to us—it’s a memory, a tribute, almost sacred. I’ve told Amber this multiple times, including when she asked me about wedding song ideas. I specifically said: "Please do not use this song for anything at the wedding. It’s too painful and too personal." She nodded and said she understood.

Last week, I found out from the wedding planner (who is a family friend) that Amber had secretly added that exact song to the DJ’s playlist for the reception—as a "surprise mother-son dance" for me and Derek. She told the planner she thought it would be "beautiful" and that I was just "being emotional" and would appreciate it once I saw my son dancing to it.

I was furious. I called Amber and told her to remove the song immediately. She got defensive and said: "It's MY wedding too, and I want to honor your husband in MY way. You can't control everything." I told her that honoring someone means respecting their wishes, not ignoring them. She hung up on me.

I didn't argue further. I just called the DJ myself (I had his number from the planning) and told him that if that song plays at any point during the reception, he will not get paid for the event. I told him I would personally stand by the booth to make sure.

Now Amber is screaming at my son, saying I'm "ruining her wedding" and being a "controlling Black mother stereotype." My son is stuck in the middle. Amber’s mother called me and said I was being "disrespectful" to the couple and should let Amber have this moment because she "means well."

I don't care if she means well. I said NO. That song is not for her to use. Period.

AITAH for threatening to withhold payment from the DJ to stop a song I explicitly asked not to be played at my son's wedding?

AITA for not sending my brother 500$ because he got evicted from his house and now wants help to rent a van for him and his girlfriend( he also says if I don’t he will come camp outside my house and get me kicked out ) He has been like this for years and I’ve gotten a restraining order on him in the past but now he’s contacting me again after finding my new address that I spent months trying to get into and any like thing he does will ruin that

This is a long one, apologies..

In Aug 2021, I (21F, at the time), searched high and low for a reliable vehicle, instead of the traditional, hoopty I owned. My hoopty, Big Bertha, was 20 years old, she had no heat, no AC, and she rattled and shook with every motion. Well, in a family discussion, it was decided that with my grown up girl job and no real credit history, my father (“Buck,” 55M) with his shiny 850 credit score would co-sign for me. The seasoned adults discussed and decided, all was well….

Until we, my mother (“Shelia,” 55F) and I, ventured to a dealership. Upon arrival, I called Buck to remind him that the day had come and a new car would be mine, and with his help they could only tell us yes! Here’s how that call went: “Hey Dad, we’re just getting to the dealership for my car appointment.”
“Hey, uh, well that’s good. You’re getting a car today.”
“Yes! I’m nervous but I know with your help I’ll be good.”
“My help?”
“Yea, with you co-signing, I believe I can get a smaller note.”
“O no, I can’t help you with that baby.”
“What dad? You said you’d help me.”
“Well, I can’t do that now. So, maybe you can find something at a car lot in the city, ya know?”
“Dude, the car we talked about is in the cheapest on the lot, and it’s used, with a dealership warranty. Dad are you serious?”
“I’m sorry, baby. I can’t help with the car.”

While sad, I pushed on and completed my test drive appointment. In my overthinking brain, I sympathized with Buck, because if anything happened he would in fact be financially responsible and his shiny 850 credit score would be at jeopardy. Is that a risk one would take for their child, maybe - maybe not. A month later, I applied and qualified for a gently used vehicle and I never looked back!

During 2022, my family experienced several deaths, and grief sent me into a pretty nasty spiral. I left traditional employment and started surviving through gig and delivery work. Financially, I was barely keeping my head above water, but mentally I needed out of the office. Most nights, I’d deliver until 2 or 3 a.m.

On a random Oct morning, I hustled until 4 am, which in turn sent my body into an 8-hour hibernation. I awoke to a few missed calls and notifications, and 1 voicemail from Buck. While checking the voicemail, I noticed my car was missing. “Robbed! I’ve been robbed!” Were the only thoughts as the voicemail played, “hey it’s Buck, I’m using your car to run to my buddy’s house for a bit.”

Without permission? Robbed! I’ve been robbed!

I called Buck and learned that he’d taken my car with the spare key left in my mother’s buffet (we lived on the same street), to smxke herb and drxnk with his buddies. Unbeknownst to him, my insurance lapsed, and with rent and the car note, I was just making it. By process of elimination, the car insurance was the only bill to get on the chopping block.

I alerted Buck immediately “the car is not street legal and it’s uninsured. You have to bring it back.” This prompted a conversation about responsibility, which I appreciate. However, you had no permission nor do you have claim to this vehicle, “if something happens, to anyone with this car right now, I’m at fault and will be sued.”

Somehow I’d fallen back asleep. Two hours later, I got another call from Buck, to inform me a road raging driver hit him and 6 other vehicles. With help from a friend, I made it to the crash site. Buck was walking around, smoking a square, talking with the other drivers and the responding officers. A friendly sergeant, spoke with me regarding my car and how it got to that exact spot. This cops only response, “so the car was stolen and involved in an accident?”
“Yes and well, it’s uninsured and not even supposed to be on the road!”
“Would you like to press charges?”
“Dude he’s my dad.”

Word to the wise: Press those charges.

Buck refused the hospital and promised reimbursement. Said reimbursement was promised for months, quotes provided for the body work. The visible body damage wasn’t the worst of it. In April 2023, mechanics discovered the crash had damaged/dislodged the transmission. Repair estimates were $4,500–$9,000—money I didn’t have. I called Buck and asked for some assistance and his response, “I haven’t paid Sheila back, and I doubt I’ll be paying you back.” A crushing blow. And honestly, if I had insurance, this would be a non-factor.

I contacted the lender and was advised that my only option would be a voluntary repossession. This would affect my credit and if the car is confirmed to be inoperable, I’d still be responsible for the note. The car was picked up, the rest is history…

Oct 2025. Life had been a beautiful chaotic story of wounds and healing and self-care with the help of an amazing therapist. I prepared to file bankruptcy and truly turn the page, ending the car saga. On the day I received next steps from my attorney, I also received a call a from my mom/Sheila. She’d come home to a summons to court, addressed to me tapped to the door of her/our family home. Wild work. I assumed it was my cars lender coming back for what I owed - not even close. According to this summons, Buck, was injured in an accident involving an uninsured vehicle registered to me. The docket listed that Buck received a $15,000 settlement for his injuries as a result of said accident and in turn, I was being sued for twice that from some third party.

Remember when I told Buck, “If something happens to anyone with this car right now, I’m at fault and will be sued”?

Riiiight.

Well, according to Sheila, Buck received a series of calls from this legal team. And with each call she urged him to contact me, out of fear that I’d be affected. I received no word from Buck.

It is now Aug 2026, as I type this: I have not spoken to my father and he is blocked; I went low contact with my mother and sister for a while - out of protection from yet another Father Caused Debacle that left me confused, hurt and disappointed. Ultimately, I was able to roll all the things into my bankruptcy, including this new $30,000 lawsuit. Annnnd my credit is being rebuilt in real time.

Recently, my sister asked how long I’d be angry with Buck, and I don’t know. I have only slightly touched on this with my new therapist (the previous one passed away yall) and I have only just started with my new therapist. I don’t know that I’m still angry. I just don’t trust him anymore. I have not invited him any of my events or celebrations, and during our annual family dinner, I barely whispered hello to him. I don’t know how long I’ll be no-contact with Buck.

So AITAH for deciding that this series of events destroyed my trust in my father/Buck so badly that I no longer want a relationship with him—even though others in my family may think I should eventually get over it?

Thanks for taking time to read dudes! ✌🏾

Before my car started acting crazy, my friend told me her plans for her birthday. I told her I wanted to do my best to make sure she enjoyed her birthday because she hasn’t really had a good one in a while.

We made these birthday plans a couple of months ago, but recently I started having some major issues with my car. She doesn’t drive, so the original plan was obviously to use my car. At the time, I had no problem with that because I love driving. The problem is that the things she wants to do are out of town, almost two hours away. I’m already taking a risk driving my car to and from work because the issues are pretty serious. I cannot afford to drive 100-200 miles and potentially put even more strain on my car or end up stranded somewhere.

She knows my car has been having major issues, but she’s still adamant about going out of town. I feel really bad because I genuinely don’t want to let her down, especially because I told her I would do my best to make her birthday special. I’m even working a 12-hour shift on her actual birthday, and I was still willing to give her my entire Saturday to celebrate with her, even after having a hectic week.

I understand that it’s her birthday and I want her to enjoy herself, but at the same time, I feel like she should be more understanding of my situation. I’m not refusing to celebrate with he r I just don’t feel comfortable risking my car and potentially putting myself in a worse financial situation for a birthday outing. Am I wrong for feeling like she should understand where I’m coming from? She said there’s nothing in our city that she wants to do. She said it’s too boring here. I suggested something here but she got upset.

Sorry but this is a long one!!

I’m a 30F single mother to my son (6M). His father is 28M.
I’m genuinely asking for outside opinions because I’m exhausted, and at this point I’ve argued about this situation so much that I’m starting to question whether I’m actually the problem.
For some background, my son’s father has not been consistently involved in his life. I have essentially raised our son with the help of my mother.
During my pregnancy, he wasn’t around due to being arrested in connection with a domestic situation involving the mother of his first child.
Once he was released, during the first year of our son’s life, he told me that he didn’t want a relationship with our child if he couldn’t have a relationship with me. I immediately shut him down, and he remained largely absent, providing random check-ins and then disappearing again for another 5–6 months.
This has been a reoccurrence over the last six years. He has had plenty of opportunities to establish a relationship with our son, but he hasn’t consistently done so.
Recently, communication got better between us, and I genuinely felt that he could be a good friend/co-parent… so I thought. He mentioned wanting to be more involved in our son’s life, and I was happy to let them form a relationship.
**However**, he suddenly decided to start flirting with me, asking me on dates and asking me to have another child with him… yeah, wth right? 😂
I thought about it at first and admit to even entertaining the thought. That was until I truly sat back and remembered all of the BS I’ve had to go through alone. Then I immediately shut him down once again.
This led to me telling him multiple times that he can have a relationship with our son without having a romantic relationship with me, and that we can be friends… like I thought we already were.
This led to an argument.
**NOW ON TO THE ISSUE AT HAND.**
Recently, we had a discussion about BD taking our son to a park with his older brother in a different city about 30 minutes away. The park is close to his apartment.
I stated that I didn’t feel comfortable with the first major outing being a 30-minute drive away to another city without me present. I offered an alternative option, which was to meet at a park in my city instead to help our son become comfortable with him before he starts going places alone with him. **I have been saying this since he came back around, mind you.**
My position was straightforward and, to me, very simple: I want them to spend time together. That is not my problem at all. I just don’t feel comfortable allowing him to take our son places alone when there hasn’t been an established relationship or trust between them.
Again, our son is six years old, and this is essentially a stranger suddenly coming back into his life saying, *“I’m your dad. Come with me.”*
I’m just asking for the relationship to start correctly.
My son’s father seems to interpret my boundaries as me trying to keep him away from our son.
Essentially, I tried to get him to see my point of view, and when he wasn’t getting his way, he took the childish approach and started thumbs-upping my messages. I realized I was wasting my breath and decided to block him until I cooled down.
The entire situation had me so angry that I decided to vent and posted an Instagram note saying that I hated my baby daddy.
It wasn’t his name. I didn’t tag him. Most people who follow me don’t even know who my son’s father is, so I genuinely didn’t think the post was something he would see as a direct confrontation.
Welp… I was wrong.
He saw the post, and at 5 AM I was met with some of the nastiest messages I’ve ever received.
He called me a hoe, bitter, petty, compared me to his other baby mama, and more.
Now, I’m no saint and do enjoy my own vices, but his lifestyle is also part of why I’m hesitant about my child being alone with him. He regularly posts himself smoking, drinking, and engaging in things I personally consider concerning.
This is part of why I’m hesitant about my child being alone with him.
Also, if you’re going to call people out, have your facts in order… **(remember I said this.)**
During his rant and while trying to make me out to be the worst mother (lol), he also brought up a close friend of ours who passed away recently.
This was a close friend who had been in my life since my senior year of high school, was present for a large portion of my pregnancy, and had continued to be there for me and my son over the years. He holds a special place in our hearts and will forever be remembered.
I specifically asked him to stop bringing our deceased friend’s name into these arguments because I find it disrespectful, especially because that person isn’t here to defend himself.
Now remember what I said about having the facts right? Well, again, he tried calling me a hoe and a “pass around.” I asked him to be specific and to show proof.
He sent a screenshot of a text I sent that said:
“I’ve been fucking spiraling to be honest and just been doing sh\*t.”
Meaning I was mentally overwhelmed and frustrated with my life and with everything going on.
Again, I thought we were friends and confided in him for once.
He somehow interpreted that as me admitting that I had been sleeping around with different men…
At one point, I had told him that an opportunity to sleep with our deceased friend had presented itself and that I wanted to, but nothing happened in the end. Again, this was me confiding in him and not thinking much about it.
**YET**, I never told him that I was actually sleeping with anybody.
I was literally venting.
I’ll admit that I escalated.
I was already frustrated with him and the entire situation from the night before, and when he came at me, I gave the same energy back. We argued, he called me more names, I called him names, and I eventually silenced the messages.
And now I’m here typing this craziness out. 😂
I’m not going to sit here and pretend I handled every part of the argument perfectly because I didn’t.
But at the same time, I feel like I’m constantly having to defend myself for setting boundaries regarding my own body, my way of thinking, and **my CHILD.**
To add, at another point during the argument, he demanded I repay him $150 he had given me.
To clarify, this wasn’t money that he owed me or money that I borrowed for myself. He gave me $150 to help me purchase our son’s shoes for school—**two pairs of shoes.**
This was one of the only times he had financially helped me with something for our son, and I was completely willing to repay him.
I told him I would pay him back by Thursday. I also told him that once I paid him back, he wouldn’t have to worry about me asking him for anything else.
His response was basically that as long as he knew when he was getting his money back, that was all he wanted to know and that he wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore.
I’m not upset that he wanted his money back. I find it laughable.
I’m frustrated because it feels like every interaction between us turns into something bigger.
And honestly, I can’t help but wonder if his switch-up started because I rejected him.
I don’t want to keep my son from his father.
But I don’t believe that biology automatically means someone is entitled to immediate trust or unsupervised access to a child they’ve been largely absent from for six years, especially when our communication has repeatedly escalated into arguments like this.
I want my son to have a healthy relationship with his father.
Yet, that relationship should be built first.
**Get to know each other.**
**Let my son become comfortable.**
**Show consistency.**
**Then we can talk about more independence.**
I don’t think that’s unreasonable.
But I’m tired.
I’m tired of setting boundaries and having people act like I’m angry or bitter because I don’t immediately bend on them.
I’m tired of being made to feel like I’m somehow keeping a father away when I’m asking him to show up consistently and build a relationship with his child.
And I recognize my own faults here. I’ve blocked him before. I’ve gotten angry. I’ve said things out of frustration. I probably could have handled some of these conversations better.
But I’m also tired of feeling like I’m the only one expected to compromise.
So, **AITAH for standing firm on how I want my son’s father to build a relationship with him, or am I actually preventing him from being a father?**

So for the new x-men actress of storm, the actress is 23 and a friend of mine whose 28 said he has a celeb crush on her

his sis said its weird as she's too young for him but I said its not a big deal as only 5 years

but AITAH as for example if a 30 year old said someone 18 was their celeb crush it'd be seen as creepy so is it like that?

I 30(m) just realized the severity of what I did 20ish years ago. And how lucky it worked out for everyone involved.

23ish years ago I spoke to my now ex uncle in law, who is an officer for my local police department. And I told him that my mom touched my “wee wee” with her mouth. And talked to him about where and when and all of the stuff. I was just talking without a care.

My mom who is a pre school teacher was brought in to be investigated. She hired a lawyer and everything. I had to stay with my grandma for a while despite having a dad and step mom. She was suspended with pay.

The reason that I falsely accused her was because my now ex step mom wanted my dad
To stop paying $700 a month in child support, so she offered me $100 to say these things. To lie about this. I did not know that back end of this until a while later. My mom took a lie detector test against her lawyers advice. The investigating officer looked into my mom’s pass and found nothing wrong and saw it was suspicious that my step mom’s brother in law made the initial report.

The case was dropped and I returned to the shared custody agreement that was there originally and every one just moved on and didn’t talk about it

I 18 F have been talking to this guy 20M I’ve been talking to this guy for a while, he said he wants to date me and we do everything couples do but we aren’t official,

We will call him mark for this story it’s not his actual name

Mark and I have been talking for a little over 6 months we have had our fights that result in me saying sorry even though he is the reason we have started fighting.

We took a month break from each other and I’ve taken that time to focus on making myself better then he texts me after said month and says “o want a real relationship with you, just you and me no one else” so I agreed because I wanted that aswell we were doing okay until today when I had gotten home.

Yesterday he was at work so I told him to call me when he gets home so we could play our game together and he never did, never even told me he was home. I texted him after 9 hours of to call or text for him to say “oh I’ve been home sorry I’ve been on my game with my buddies” I wasn’t mad so I let it go and then today I kept trying to talk to him and he kept hanging up on me and not answering my texts.

He says he was babysitting his siblings which is why he hung up which I didn’t mind. 4 hours go by no text no call so I start texting f him asking him if we were going to call tonight and asking why he wasn’t answering. He said he was putting in job applications that only give him a certain amount of time to finish.

In confused but I don’t ask. Another hour goes by no call or text so I text him asking who he is with and he sans he’s with his friends so I call him and he answers and gets mad at me my I’m already getting upset and say that he’s doing g applications while playing with his friends
And the

He hangs up so I repeated calling him until he called me and he said “you gonna say anything” so I replied to my previous message that said “you’ve not talked to me in days so I’m giving u the silent treatment” never let me finish typing before he gets mad and hangs up so I get pissed off and start telling him how I felt about everything and then he removes his nickname from our chat and says he’s tired of the disrespect ( I would instert an image but idk how) but I’ve never disrespected him I’ve only ever done what he’s asked and he told me to tell him when I felt ignored and that’s what I did and he got mad and started fighting with me about it so I ended up apologizing over and over again and said I’m just not going to talk or call until he does and then I removed my nickname and the background and told him I’ll still be here and he said “ok” I sent him two long messages stating that I’m sorry and everything and deleted our message thread and texted the two friend he was with saying it was nice to meet them and blocked them

Everyone I’ve talked to is on my side about this but I can’t help seeing that I said and did something wrong but then again I’m always doing something wrong so

AITAH?

So my cousin has this age difference and my sis said its weird cuz my cuz is under 25 and her brain hasn't developed enough yet

I told her its no big deal as they are in the same life stage and her case is 4.5 years even

AITAH?

Throwaway because my cousin follows my main.

I (41F) am a Black woman, married to a Black man, with two kids (14M and 12F). My father passed two years ago. He was a blue-collar worker his whole life, but he was disciplined with money. He left me a specific inheritance: $80,000 that was explicitly earmarked in his will as "for the grandchildren's education." Not for me. Not for emergencies. For my kids' college.

Enter my cousin, "Jake" (43M), who is white. His mom (my aunt) married into the family. We grew up together, but we've never been close. He lives in a different state. Jake recently lost his job and is going through a divorce. He's struggling—I won't deny that.

Last week, Jake called me out of nowhere. He gave me a sob story about how he can't afford his rent and his kids (who are adults, by the way, 19 and 22) need help. Then he dropped the bomb: he asked me to give him half of my father's education fund—$40,000—as a "loan."

I told him absolutely not. That money is for my children's future. I worked hard to add to that fund myself, and my father's dying wish was that it be used for his grandkids.

Jake got angry. He said I was being "selfish" and that because I'm a "dual-income household with a good job," I don't need that money as much as he does. Then he said something that really pissed me off: "You guys always talk about reparations and helping each other, but when it's a white family member asking for help, you suddenly forget about 'the community.'"

I hung up on him. I texted him that he has no right to bring race into this, and that my father's money is for MY Black children, period. I told him to never ask me for money again.

Now my aunt is calling me, crying, saying I'm "proving his point" and that family helps family regardless of race. My mom is on my side, but she's telling me to "just give him $5,000 to shut him up and keep the peace."

I refuse. This isn't about race to me. It's about my father's explicit wishes and my children's future.

AITAH for not sharing the inheritance with my white cousin?

So I am sure I am in the right here but I still kind of feel like an ah so back story I (38 f) have 2 sisters A (36) and D (39) our parents have been married for almost 40 years. We'll about 5 years ago our parents needed a new place to live so they moved in with my sister D, and they split the bills. Well in the 4 years they lived together my dad started having what I can only describe as his mid life crisis. But went about it in a horrible way. He started doing some illegal extra circular activities, started having problems paying his part of the rent and bills. He didnt want to be the responsible adult anymore. So after 4 years of this everything finally came to a head when he left his "gear" out in the shared living space. My brother in law had enough and told him he had to leave it got heated there was name calling pepper spray and a 911 call to the cops. It all ended up with my father getting a protective order against my brother in law and social workers saying my nephew could not live in the house with my father. So as any good aunt and sister and after my dad refused to move out of the house my invited my sister, her husband and my nephew to move in with me and my family of 4. Long story short my parents couldn't afford the rent and bills alone in the house and ended up being evicted. My dad's great idea to buy and rv and him and my mom live in it. The downside they only have my mom's ss disability ad income. Do to my father dealing with mental disorders and now addiction so they decide to move the rv into my others sisters A drive way.

So now last year my parents are living in my little sisters driveway. My dad still dealing with his problems spends a year trying to defend his position in the problems and reasons why he and my older sister no longer talk it get old fast and then my dad starts having the same problems with my other sister A and her husband. My mother decided that she no longer wants to be with my father she can't handle the arguments and fighting between everyone. So she leaves him and moves into A house. Now mind you my dad still lives in the rv in A's driveway. Mom and dad get back together break up get back on and off off and on for a year putting us kids in the middle and trying to make them pick sides. All ridiculous. Now it's funny how often they seem to make up around the beginning of every month when my mom gets her social security disability money but ad soon ad it runs out they are back to breaking up. My sister A gets tired of it all and tells them they both need to leave, my father says evict him if they want them off the property. So A does. We'll a week before they have to be off the property my mom calls me and says that dad has kicked her out of the rv and she has no where to go. Of course I tell my mother she can come to my house untill she figures out where to go and what to do. She can sleep on my couch.

So to the present last 4 months. My house currently is packed to the max. I have me, my husband, our 8 year old son, my 16 year old daughter (half the week) my sister D her husband, there 8 year old son, and a saint Bernard, and now my mother, all in a 3 bedroom second floor apartment. We are busting at the seems. So mom comes and says that she is done her and dad are done. She is going to stay just untill the 3rd of the month and then she will get a bus ticket and go to Florida to stay with her sister. She and my father are done. So we wait and in the rest of the month my dad comes over bickers with mom about how it's nice she gets a house to stay at and he has to be all alone in the rv. Must be nice to have someone cook dinner for her and he had to starve In the rv that he has now parked on my street right outside of my house. Beginning of the month comes and he seems to win her back and they end up spending all her ss money i. About 6 days. Then they get in a fight and my mom says she wants to separate again she's back on the couch and he starts the 3 weeks of guilt again. This had been going on for the last 4 months. Everyone in my house is stressed. My father is the worst house guest ever. He comes in makes himself food dirty the dishes leaves them wherever he is sitting and the leaves. Then will call or storm in the house all hours of the night because my mom is ignoring him. He wants a divorce, he wants my mom to run. Him to the store cook him food clean his clothes give him money to keep the rv running. It gets old fast.

So finally this month my mom gets her check and decides she is going to go stay at a campground in a tent, it lasted 4 days my dad got an rv site at the same campground. Wins her over and they spend all of her money again. Get in an argument and my mom comes back to my house. Uugghhh

The final straw happened today my 16 year old daughter calls me up and says" mom i want to stay at dad's house, untill my grandma moves out" she doesn't like my mother staying in her room when she's not at my house. She doesn't like the way my dad comes into the house, they bicker in the middle of the living room with everyone around, and uses her kitchen equipment with no respect for others stuff. I can't blame her. So I call my mom while I was at work and tell her that she needs to leave. I dont know where she is going to go she has no money and only her car to stay in but I need to choose my child over my mother. She says she understands and doesn't blame me and she will be gone by the time I get out of work. I feel like a horrible daughter, to tell my mom that she needs to sleep In her car, but im good mom for putting my child's feelings first. I think. I just know that this cycle with my parents will just keep going and going and my dad will keep coming to the house picking fights and starting drama to make him self feel better. But I still feel like a bad daughter. So aitah for kicking my mom out and putting my family and there feeling first?

I overheard Aunt 2 saying that I was greedy, that I actually hate my husband, and she's also said hurtful comments to my face — weren't far off from judging me for being a revert.

I felt bad, because I did the same thing she did — talking about her behind her back. Aunt 1 was understanding about it, she said "but we know that's how Aunt 2 is"... but I no longer consider her my aunt.

Aita for speaking bad about her sissy ?

A couple of weeks ago my mom, sister (25F), best friend, partner, and I (20F) all went out to paint pottery so we can all spend time together and a chance for everyone to interact with my partner more (we met in college and this is our first summer together). During the activity my mother asked my partner and I are we “excited to be going back to school?” We both responded that we’re excited to be back in our groove again since we don’t go to a conventional university. After that, my sister responded with “of course she’s ready to go back she’s been trying to run this house since she got back.” Naturally we started going back and fourth at each other and my main reasoning is that my house can tend to be disorganized, and she doesn’t maintain the bathroom very well— so yes, when I came home I complained about the bathroom looking poorly maintained, her room being a hot mess, and I also fixed our dishes situation as the clean dishes would just pile up on the other side of the sink because we didn’t have a rack. The rest of the time painting I tried my best to hold my tongue because everything I said had to have a comment that caused me to get more upset.

I ended up crying the whole way home to my partner (we all drove separately). I told him I was sorry if my tone wasn’t the most uplifting and that I felt embarrassed because in my head I thought I was changing my tone but my mother and sister kept commenting on everything— he understood, accepted my apology but also said he felt a little embarrassed too but that he knows those weren’t my intentions which is why he commented “it’s okay she’s not usually like this, she just needs some grace.” After apologizing I was telling him how frustrating it is to not even be able to say I’m excited to go back to campus, let alone hello without being accused of having an attitude— all my sister has had to say this summer is that “I have an attitude problem” or that “I’m being rude” but if yall could’ve caught a glimpse of the times she’s talked to me you would know it’s only a reaction. There’s no way to describe how disrespectful she is to me— when I was doing summer classes and she was trying to talk to me but I was studying it turned into this big deal so I would leave my kitchen table before anyone would get home. On the car ride I was also explaining how exhausting it is to constantly be called a name and how eventually you just end up turing into what people call you. I’m tired of coming home from college and going back to my old ways of being angry about everything and I’ve tried so hard to protect my peace but I finally snapped (I’ll get to that shortly).

We took the long way home so I could try my best to gather myself and my parter poured positive thoughts into me. Once we got back, we changed into PJs and we were getting prepared to heat up food for my partner. Before getting to the food my mom came into my room trying to get answers about what’s wrong because my face was obviously puffy from crying— I kept saying it was nothing but caved a little and said yall are annoying can you leave me alone, then went to heat up the food— my mom follows us back to the kitchen and sits with my sister at the table proceeding to instigate telling my sister “she thinks we were being assholes” chuckling. My sister goes crazy and starts yelling asking what’s my problem and why am I crying— I proceed to say I have no problem and that I’m not crying (technically I wasn’t actively crying lol)— she keeps pushing saying you obviously have a problem and that she’s sick of it and “now I’m pissing her off after a good day”— I just say okay and ignore her at this point because I’m not interested in talking to someone who can’t control themselves. We finish eating and go to brush our teeth then my partner helps take out the trash and move furniture so our maintenance man can come while I prepare our bed for the night— next thing you know my sister is coming back into my room trying to force me to talk to her but in order to not snap I stay quiet, continue cleaning and say “I don’t have a problem” “I’m not crying” “I’m not talking to you right now” “you raising your voice isn’t going to get you a conversation.”— well to try and get myself out of the room I go to fill up my water bottle and she keeps trying to block me, so I try my best to squeeze my her and I do use my body to move her but not enough to break her balance, but I was saying excuse me and she wasn’t moving— when I try to sneak past her she shoves me into the bathroom door and I absolutely lose my $h!t. I’m hitting her, moving her head to bang on the wall and kneeing her— idk what happens to me but all ik is that my brain and body wanted to do whatever it could to hurt her. I was done. My whole life I’ve been walked all over, and there’s been multiple times this summer where she’d use her 2 fingers and shove my head and I kept my composure but idk what happened but I lost it— my mom tried to split us up bc her and my partner went to take things outside, however little bit later my sister came storming back into my room while my mom was talking to me saying “you’re lucky I don’t slap you in the face right now” and that made me lose it more so I stepped up to her with a can in my hand saying “B!t€h I wish you would” and she stepped back looking scared so for a moment I felt bad. I felt bad but I was still able to sleep very well at night.

The next day I had contemplated apologizing that morning on the way to an appointment talking to my partner. After the appointment, my partner wanted to treat me to Starbucks but he’d also feel bad if we went home with nothing for everyone else so I texted in the gc with my mom and sister if they wanted anything. My mom responded immediately so we got it for her, but when we went to drop it off to her job we had realized that my sister responded when it was too late— however my mother urged me to put in a mobile order for my sister since she was already upset and reluctantly I did (we have to walk in eggshells for her). Idk what she was thinking the hours after but she sent a text saying something along the lines of “if I think getting Starbucks is an apology I better think again. And that I reminded her of our father and basically saying once things aren’t good don’t come crying back to my family” or whatever. That irritated me because 1) it wasn’t my idea for Starbucks 2) I didn’t even want to ask her in the first place, I didn’t think she deserved it but my partner is kind enough to still want to include everyone which I do appreciate the consideration— I went back and fourth trying to figure out if I wanted to respond but I didn’t because no matter what I would say it wouldn’t please her. I talk to my partner about it but I didn’t want one bad moment to ruin a good day, we went to go swim in the aquarium fish tank and feed stingrays!

So whatever it’s been a few days and I’m still kinda just ignoring her and trying to think about what is best. I go drop my partner off at the airport and again she’s still very upset telling everyone we’re pissing her off. Idk when I found out but it was 3-5days after this argument I find out she took me off her her find my iPhone and also removed me from viewing her location, and sending my mom a text saying something like I’m the one in the wrong and that she doesn’t care she’ll cut us all off or something (this girl can’t live without my mom though lmao)— I thought that was completely childish and lost any bit of sorry I had in me. I think that we’re adults and we can handle things like adults. So after all that, I don’t feel bad and I think she did deserve to be hit because she thinks she’s untouchable. Now I can admit violence is wrong and that I should’ve held my temper better but I’m so exhausted with always having to be the bigger person.

Now we’re at a point that my mom keeps telling me to say I’m sorry for literally anything so she’s not so angry anymore. My mom keeps defending her saying “she was PMSing and had her period” and “you know how she is she’s more sensitive.”

I know I’m not perfect, I lost my temper, and I do react poorly to how I get treated but am I really the asshole for not wanting to apologize my sister? I genuinely don’t think that anyone deserves anything. My mom wants me to do it so my sister can be at peace with me leaving back to college but I am at peace with myself. And yes, I know she’s my sister but I don’t think you have to tolerate any kind of disrespect from anyone, I’ve been treating and talking to her exactly how she talks to me but she’s the one that goes to my mom saying I have an attitude and every time I say “I know I have an attitude with her I’m talking to her the way she’s been talking to me” but over and over my mom makes excuses for her because “she’s the baby of the house”, “she’s sensitive”, “you know how she is just apologize”.

About 2 weeks ago, I went on a family vacation, and I was really bothered by how my brother-in-law (BIL) was disrespecting my mom, while my dad just laughed it off. They made fatphobic remarks, comparing her to a whale, and even made disgusting transphobic comments about her morning voice ("she sounds like a trans woman"). On top of that, my aunt was talking trash behind my back to my dad, saying she "runs her mouth too much."

When I told my dad that he needed to step up and defend my mom, he gaslit me, saying it wasn't what I thought and that I was "overthinking it" or getting it wrong. When I threw some subtle shade back at my BIL, my dad immediately chewed me out (for context: my BIL is rich and has connections ).

Am I in the wrong here? Is it messed up that I lost my respect for my dad and am furious with him over this, or am I the wrong one here ?

I need an objective perspective. For years, my older brother "Rudolf" and his wife "Leslie" have brought nothing but conflict, boundary-crossing, and toxicity into our family. Things finally blew up recently, and I’ve cut them off completely. Now that my child is here, I’m holding firm on keeping them away from my family, but I want to know if I’m right for opting out of this drama.
Here is the full breakdown of how this built up over time:

1. The Nephew's 1st Birthday (The Garden Incident)
   Years ago, during college spring break, I traveled to stay with Rudolf and Leslie to help them prepare for my nephew’s 1st birthday party. I got there a few days early specifically to help. Over the week, I put in at least 4 full days of hard manual labor—landscaping, replanting, and mulching a new garden and flower bed in front of their house.
   Because I was too young to rent a car, I needed a ride to the post office each day to handle an urgent errand. Every single day for 5 days, I asked if someone could take me, but there was always an excuse.
   Saturday was the day of the party and my last day in town. Rudolf and my dad left for an hour-long drive to pick up the birthday cake. In the meantime, I did all the heavy lifting: cleaning the house, setting up the tables and chairs, and helping watch the nephews. As soon as I finished, since no one would drive me, I finally ordered an Uber to the post office.
   Just 5 minutes after I left, Leslie called Rudolf in a panic, lying that he needed to turn around because "she was all by herself and no one was helping her." Her sister was literally right there helping her. My dad called me furiously, demanding I turn around immediately. I explained everything I had already done, hung up, finished at the post office, and came back. When I got to the house, Leslie was giving me an attitude, and Rudolf was angry at me for being "too impatient" to wait until the next day—completely ignoring that I’d been asking for 5 days straight after spending four days redoing their entire yard.
2. Drifting Apart and the High School Fling
   After that, I started pulling away. Whenever I visited the area, I wouldn't go to their house, but I’d invite them to meet up where I was staying. They always had an excuse not to come.
   Around this time, I learned about the history with my middle brother, "Jerry," and his wife, "Matilda." Before Rudolf and Leslie ever met, Jerry and Leslie had a brief fling back in high school. Jerry actually spoke to Rudolf about it before getting married to clear the air. But Leslie kept stirring the pot, telling people Jerry did drugs back then and constantly talking trash about him.
   One day, Leslie was talking to me and going on a rant about Jerry, saying she didn't want Rudolf having frequent conversations with him. I told her straight up that her place as a wife was to unify the family, not break it apart. She dismissed me and claimed she actually tells Rudolf to stay in contact with me and Jerry—contradicting herself entirely within the same conversation.
3. Sabotaging My Engagement & Wedding
   A couple of years later, my then-fiancee and I went to town for my nephew’s kindergarten graduation, using the trip as an excuse for my family to meet my fiancee. One day, I left with Rudolf to run some errands. Leslie used that exact window of time—the very first time she was ever alone with my fiancee—to talk bad about Jerry. When my fiancee told me, I advised her not to pay attention to Leslie and made it clear that Leslie is not a good person.
   Then came our wedding. An hour before our rehearsal dinner, Rudolf nonchalantly told me he wasn't going to show up because he "rather do something else."
4. The Honeymoon and the Address Rant
   My wife and I went on our honeymoon near where they live because it's a popular vacation spot. Since it was our honeymoon, I didn't visit anyone and just enjoyed newlywed life with my wife. (Fun fact: Rudolf eloped, so he never had a wedding or a honeymoon of his own).
   A couple of months later, I returned to the area with my in-laws. I reached out to Rudolf and told him they were more than welcome to join us and meet my in-laws, but once again, they refused to come.
   During that time, I had something shipped to Rudolf’s house for my dad to pick up. Rudolf went off on me, ranting about how I only use his address when it benefits me, but never visit. I reminded him that a honeymoon is for enjoying my wife, not visiting family, and that I had explicitly invited him to join us with my in-laws on this trip and he chose not to. I dropped it after that.
5. The Group Chat, the Hospital, and the Final Straw
   Eventually, my wife got pregnant. In our family group chat, Leslie kept asking my wife how the pregnancy was going instead of messaging her privately. She only did this so my dad would see it and think she was being a caring sister-in-law.
   One day, Leslie sent us a message. We didn't see it or reply right away because my pregnant wife and I were involved in a car accident. We spent the entire night in the hospital making sure the baby was safe. Exhausted, worried, and sleep-deprived, checking group chats was the last thing on our minds.
   The very next day, I received an angry voice message from Rudolf. He called my wife and me "insolent" for ignoring a message from someone who "cared about us," telling us to go see which friends would actually stick with us through thick and thin because "that's what family is for."
   I immediately called him back and explained that we had just been in a car crash and spent the night in the hospital worrying about our baby. I put my foot down, told him I would no longer tolerate this disrespect toward me and my wife, and demanded an apology.
   He refused, claiming he was "just stating facts and the truth" and that there was no reason to apologize.
   Where Things Stand Now
   I haven't called or visited him since. My baby has now been born, and my family's safety and peace are my only priorities.
   I still allow my nephews to come over to my house and spend time with us because children have no business in adult problems, but Rudolf is strictly banned from my home, and I maintain zero relationship with him. He has no boundaries and zero respect for my wife and me.
   I recently called Jerry to vent. He confirmed that Leslie completely drove a wedge between him and Rudolf, even though they used to be inseparable growing up. Matilda also overheard us talking and revealed that Leslie regularly texts her behind our backs to talk trash about my wife and me.
   To make matters worse, a major confrontation recently happened between Leslie, Rudolf, Matilda, and Jerry over the high school fling. They all stopped speaking to each other entirely, and it nearly caused Jerry and Matilda to get a divorce.
   I just want closure for myself. Am I making a big deal out of nothing after all these years of build-up, or am I completely justified in keeping my brother and his wife out of my child's life?

I (24f) am on PTO this week to celebrate my birthday and I am blessed enough to have to not go back until next Tuesday.

To preface everything, my friend group is very 420 friendly and we do partake in shrooms every once in a blue moon. Today, literally 20 minutes ago, I asked my friends Leigh (25f) and Jordan (26f) if they wanted to come to my house this coming Sunday to watch movies, order takeout, and partake in some shrooms. Leigh immediately said yes. Jordan said yes but asked if she could bring our nephew/ her son (11 months).

I was about to answer the text message, but a call came in from my boss that I needed to answer. After I got off the phone with my boss I saw a lot of messages in the group chat between Leigh and Jordan. Leigh shared that If she’s not taking shrooms than maybe she can. Jordan expressed that she wouldn’t if he comes. Leigh also expressed that if she can get a family member to watch him she could. Leigh responded she doesn’t know given that we are going to be going on a magical trip.

I responded agreeing with Leigh sharing my conscious wouldn’t let me do that if baby Peter was to come and I would feel really bad. Jordan has yet to respond.

I just feel really bad because I don’t want it to seem like we are excluding her, but I’m also not comfortable going on a trip with a baby around?

I also know that if baby Peter is here, she is going to make us go outside to smoke if we decide to do so and the last time that happened, she asked my boyfriend to watch Peter and my boyfriend couldn’t smoke with us. I didn’t really smoke either because I felt oddly obligated to keep my eye on the baby.

I hope I’m not coming off as mean I just don’t think that is an environment for a child. The only reason I responded was because we are meeting at my place and so I do have to weigh in. I’m just worried I may have hurt her feelings. Am I the asshole?

I write poetry and lyrics. Mainly about my own experiences.
Like the one of my wife having a friend that encouraged my wife to cheat because she was herself.

The poem in question

“Funny thing about bad advice…

It usually sounds a lot better
coming from somebody
who needs you to make the same mistakes they did.

Got real brave with a coward in your ear,
telling you betrayal ain’t betrayal if the reason sounds sincere.
She said, “You deserve better,” while she’s sneaking on her own,
giving relationship advice with three numbers in her phone.

That’s rich.

Taking morals from somebody who misplaced theirs,
letting somebody with a wreck tell you how to make repairs.
She normalized the lying ’cause admitting it was wrong
meant looking at herself and seeing where that guilt belonged.

See, misery loves company, but cheaters need witnesses,
somebody else doing it makes it feel legitimate.
So she handed you excuses, you wore ’em like they fit,
and every time she crossed a line, you moved yours next to it.

What kind of friend helps you destroy what chose you?
Calls it “living your life” while the consequence owns you?
What kind of friend sees a good thing and gets nervous?
Maybe watching you stay loyal made her question her purpose.

So—

“Girl, he’ll never know.”
“Girl, you only live once.”
“Girl, if he was doing enough, you wouldn’t need someone.”

Funny how the advice always protects what she’s done.
She wasn’t setting you free.

She was recruiting someone.

Now two guilty consciences can call each other queens,
rewrite what happened till betrayal sounds clean.
Tell each other, “We’re not bad, we were missing something.”

Nah.

You had something.

You just listened to someone
who couldn’t stand seeing you keep
what she keeps fucking up.

Every excuse had fingerprints that weren’t yours,
but your hand was still the one that opened the door.
And don’t get it twisted—I’m not giving her the blame
for decisions that you made when you stepped into that game.

She encouraged it? Sure.
You still chose it.
She handed you the match—
you’re the one who fucking lit it.

She told you cheating was healing?
You believed it.
Then came home to somebody faithful
and deceived him.

That’s the part they leave out in the group chat celebration:
betrayal ain’t empowerment just because it gets validation.
A room full of people saying wrong is right
doesn’t turn a knife into anything but a knife.

Now look at the company you chose to keep close—
everybody giving advice from the relationships they broke.
Everybody screaming “toxic” at the ones they betrayed,
everybody playing victim when the receipts get displayed.

You became what they applauded.
They became your defense.
Now accountability sounds like disrespect.
That’s convenient as hell—
build a circle where nobody can judge
because everybody’s hands are dirty enough.

So keep the friends who taught you love has loopholes.
Keep calling betrayal “finding yourself” if that soothes you.
But when all of them disappear when their own lives implode,
remember who was beside you before they showed you that road.

Because the company you kept
convinced you to hurt
the company that chose you.

And maybe that’s the coldest part—

they didn’t teach you how to cheat.

They just made you feel less guilty…

for already wanting to.”

AITAH?