r/AITAHBlackEdition

My fiancée and I have been together for about 10 years. We met in high school and have two children, ages 6 and 2. About a year ago, we separated for a while but eventually reconciled and bought a home together.
During our separation, we each had our own apartments. When we got back together, I paid my termination fee and completely ended my lease. My fiancée decided to let her mom and brother move into her old apartment. At the time, they were both between jobs, and the agreement was that once they became employed, they would take over the rent and utilities.
They’ve now been there for over 10 months, and both have been employed for quite some time. Despite that, my fiancée is still paying essentially everything. The electric bill is $300–$500/month, water is over $200, plus rent. Whenever she asks for money, she’s told they’ll pay her next month, but it never happens.
Because all of her money is going toward this apartment, she has less than $100 left some months. I’m working two jobs to cover our mortgage, household bills, groceries, gas, and expenses for our kids. I don’t feel like this is fair to either of us.
This also isn’t the only financial help she’s given her family. Her brother was previously facing eviction, so she gave him a $10,000 loan to catch up on rent and pay to break his lease so he could move into the apartment. He agreed to start paying her back the following month. That never happened.Now they’re expecting her to renew the lease, despite giving her no reason to believe they’ll suddenly start paying.My fiancée is also having surgery at the beginning of the year and will be going on unpaid FMLA. I’ve asked what happens to the apartment during that time. If her mom and brother can somehow afford to cover the rent and utilities while my fiancée isn’t getting paid, then why can’t they cover them now? Her argument is that if she doesn’t renew, her mom and brother may not find another apartment in time. I understand why she feels responsible for them, and I don’t want anyone to become homeless. But I don’t think two employed adults’ housing should come at the expense of our children and our household.
What’s really getting to me is how much this is affecting me personally. I recently graduated college and I’m turning 30 this year. I should be celebrating these accomplishments, but I’m afraid to spend money on even small things. I feel guilty buying myself something or going out because I’m constantly worried about our finances and the fact that I’m working two jobs partly to compensate for money going toward someone else’s housing.
I don’t want to resent my fiancée or her family, but it’s becoming extremely difficult not to. I feel like she repeatedly puts their financial problems ahead of our home, our children, and our future.
I’m not asking her to abandon her family. I’m asking for boundaries. If her mom and brother agreed to take financial responsibility once they were employed

I 32F have been with my husband 34M 4 years, married for 3. My MIL has always favored my husband’s daughter over my two sons. The first year I tried to overlook that. Finally, I said something to my husband. He said he did not notice that but overtime that changed. He began to see what I was saying. Fast forward to July 4th and we are all at a game with the intent to watch fireworks afterwards. My MIL ran into a longtime friend of hers and introduced my stepdaughter as her only grandchild. I finally spoke up and said, well what about the boys? She then told her friend about all of her grandkids she has with her now husband. At the very end said, oh and she has 2 boys too. My husband and I took the kids to the field early to wait for the fireworks show and left her and her husband at the game the start of the 4th inning. My husband is very upset by what she said and sent her a text. She said that was not what she meant but him and I feel differently because it has been a pattern. We have not seen her since then and the kids have not asked about them or even brought them up. Occasionally I respond to a group text and my husband does if I ask him too so I don’t feel like I have to. The holidays are coming and I don’t want her around. Am I the asshole that is just over reacting?

I work in a very white dominated field and like most clients and coworkers I’ve worked with, they have all underestimated me and my potential. Some I can admit have not and some have come around and apologized.

Now this coworker and I were once close until I heard him refer to black women looking like “LeBron James”. He said this while talking about his ex gf, made a “joke” about her looking like that basketball player. I do not see any resemblance whatsoever. She’s a very gorgeous woman and I have no idea why she was ever with him. In each conversation we had after that, he loves saying how much he loves black women. I’ve dated white men before and I am married to one. I can tell the difference between a white man that does not base race on who they date and others who say “I love black girls”. While insulting everything that resembles our culture. Those type are more likely to very closeted racist.

I’ve stayed some distance from him but we work together a lot so I’m still polite. What always made me chuckle in my head, was him saying how much he loved black women and couldn’t be with white women but when he was around a white woman client, he acted as if they walked on water.

Lately I noticed he’d make jabs at me. Saying he’s my boss (I’m actually his supervisor). He would also make jokes in front of client claiming I’m not good at my job. No one ever laughs because, well…. I’m very fantastic at my job. When I joined I made everyone look like absolute idiots. I got a raise within weeks compared to people who have worked there for years.

Anywho, this coworker of mine had difficulty doing his job and I was sent by the GM to help him. He was yelling and swearing at the GM on the phone so I went to assist. While there, he began yelling and swearing at me. Saying he’s knows things about me and he’s going to get me fired and there’s nothing I can do to him.

I’m petty as petty can be, I went and told the GM. The general manager seemed to want to forget about this (boys will be boys). I’ve been hearing this phrase regarding this man for months and I feel like someone should hold him accountable for his actions and words.

I went forward with my report and told the GM if he does nothing I will go to HR. This man child has verbally harassed many coworkers, I would be the 6th. I am the only woman he’s verbally attacked.

GM said he’ll cut his hours. I said nah, cut his hours by two shifts wasn’t enough for me. Especially after being told he went to other coworkers to get them in his “side”. So I said I’ll be happy with one shift a week. GM agreed, but someone. Only one person thinks I went too far.

AITAH? I know I can be petty but I think after 20+ complaints, he will not learn his lesson. He needs to learn accountability.

Do you go to the funeral to respect, honor and celebrate the person that passed, or to console, support and "show face" for others to say they saw you appropriately present and grieving?

I have a relative whose parent passed away, but everyone knows that parent and I, didn't see eye to eye ever, and never even really spoke. Plus, that parent disrespected me and my parent, so why would I go?

I have only gone to services for people I knew and had a relationship with, not someone I didn't get along with or speak to irl. Funerals are difficult for some (including me) already. They are usually a combination of dramatic outbursts, anger between some relatives unraveling, and people acting like it's a joyous family reunion with photo opps, ignoring the family's elephants in the room that never get addressed.

There is not 1 way to support someone, and there is not 1 way to grieve. I think too much emphasis is put on visuals, instead of reality. I mean even Eddie Murphy didn't go to his brother Charlie's funeral and the were as close as one can be! Am I wrong?

I (18F) recently had a falling out with a close friend, "Maya" (18F). We are both Black daughters of immigrants.

Two years ago, after moving to a new state, a male classmate called me a racial slur. While the school investigated, his girlfriend, "Lia" (wasian/pale, not Black), apologized to me on his behalf. Lia’s ex was openly anti-Black, racist to everyone, and made multiple girls uncomfortable. Everyone, including Lia, knew how he was.

Fast forward to this summer: I finally processed the situation and told Maya it still bothered me. Maya is close friends with Lia. Maya has a history of making excuses for racism—she obsesses over racist guys, claims he "changed" because he stopped using the N-word around her, and defends friends who use slurs because "everyone does it." I usually avoided talking about race with her for this reason.

During our fallout (which started over how Maya treats me), race came up. Maya tried to call me a hypocrite, claiming I "tolerate racism" because an acquaintance of mine has racist friends. I don't even talk to this guy—Maya actually asked me to talk to him recently because she was interested in his friend a month or two ago.

Since she brought up an irrelevant acquaintance to attack me, I applied her logic back to her and mentioned Lia. I said Lia was a clear example of someone actually tolerating racism by staying with her openly anti-Black boyfriend. I explicitly said two things can be true at once: Lia was mistreated by him (which I acknowledge and sympathize with), but she still tolerated his racism. I never blamed Lia for his actions; I just pointed out the double standard Maya was using.

Maya immediately defended Lia, accusing me of "talking shit." Even though we agreed to keep our fallout private, Maya ran to Lia and told her I was talking trash. A week later, Lia randomly texted me using forced slang trying to sound tough over the situation.

Maya also claims I "dismiss her Blackness," but I’ve just always been upfront that I dislike how she excuses racism to fit in at a predominantly white institution (PWI). Am I the asshole for pointing out that Lia tolerated her ex's racism, and for being upset with Maya for constantly excusing this behavior?

So I 17 F and my twin sister got into it with our dad yesterday. It all started about six months ago when he said that he’d get us new phones. That was fine by us because we have iPhone 12s and hers doesn’t really work very well. Fast forward to now and we still don’t have new phones. Since then he’s been saying that he’s going to get us new phones every once in a while. That whole thing tuned into “if you do this, then I’ll get you guys new phones,” or asking us if we had money. Mind you it’d be stuff like clean your room and we don’t have jobs because they don’t let us have jobs. Anyway it all came to a head yesterday at dinner. My sister had asked him (like she’d done 100 times by now) when we were getting new phones. I don’t remember what he said because I was serving my food. Long story short my sister got upset because she was sick and tired of him basically lying and saying we were getting new phones when we really weren’t any time soon. So my sister gets upset and starts communicating the fact that he had said we were getting new phones like 100 times already but still hadn’t gotten them, and this was her whole point. He gets angry and gradually starts yelling louder and louder about how we can’t get new phones because he just doesn’t have the money right now (something completely understandable). He then finds the need to get out of his chair while he is still loudly yelling about how we think we’re owed everything (a complete lie that goes to show how much he doesn’t know us) and how he works so hard to pay for everything like mortgage and everything. This is very valid and he does. But the thing is, the problem was never about the phones. It was about the fact that HE was the one who had said that he’d get us new phones but instead decided to keep on stringing the idea for months instead of just clearly communicating the fact that he didn’t have the money. By the time he was done he told us that we should pay for our new phones and he would not be paying for them. I was obviously upset because I got yelled at for basically nothing and he was just putting lies on my name. Now I couldn’t say anything back because he just kept on telling us to be quiet and calm down while he continued to rise from 0 to 100. Now my mom thinks that we should apologize to him but I personally see no need for me to apologize as I did not do anything wrong. Am I the asshole?