AITA for going no-contact with my father after he took my uninsured car without permission, crashed it, got a $15K settlement, and I got sued for $30K?
This is a long one, apologies..
In Aug 2021, I (21F, at the time), searched high and low for a reliable vehicle, instead of the traditional, hoopty I owned. My hoopty, Big Bertha, was 20 years old, she had no heat, no AC, and she rattled and shook with every motion. Well, in a family discussion, it was decided that with my grown up girl job and no real credit history, my father (“Buck,” 55M) with his shiny 850 credit score would co-sign for me. The seasoned adults discussed and decided, all was well….
Until we, my mother (“Shelia,” 55F) and I, ventured to a dealership. Upon arrival, I called Buck to remind him that the day had come and a new car would be mine, and with his help they could only tell us yes! Here’s how that call went: “Hey Dad, we’re just getting to the dealership for my car appointment.”
“Hey, uh, well that’s good. You’re getting a car today.”
“Yes! I’m nervous but I know with your help I’ll be good.”
“My help?”
“Yea, with you co-signing, I believe I can get a smaller note.”
“O no, I can’t help you with that baby.”
“What dad? You said you’d help me.”
“Well, I can’t do that now. So, maybe you can find something at a car lot in the city, ya know?”
“Dude, the car we talked about is in the cheapest on the lot, and it’s used, with a dealership warranty. Dad are you serious?”
“I’m sorry, baby. I can’t help with the car.”
While sad, I pushed on and completed my test drive appointment. In my overthinking brain, I sympathized with Buck, because if anything happened he would in fact be financially responsible and his shiny 850 credit score would be at jeopardy. Is that a risk one would take for their child, maybe - maybe not. A month later, I applied and qualified for a gently used vehicle and I never looked back!
During 2022, my family experienced several deaths, and grief sent me into a pretty nasty spiral. I left traditional employment and started surviving through gig and delivery work. Financially, I was barely keeping my head above water, but mentally I needed out of the office. Most nights, I’d deliver until 2 or 3 a.m.
On a random Oct morning, I hustled until 4 am, which in turn sent my body into an 8-hour hibernation. I awoke to a few missed calls and notifications, and 1 voicemail from Buck. While checking the voicemail, I noticed my car was missing. “Robbed! I’ve been robbed!” Were the only thoughts as the voicemail played, “hey it’s Buck, I’m using your car to run to my buddy’s house for a bit.”
Without permission? Robbed! I’ve been robbed!
I called Buck and learned that he’d taken my car with the spare key left in my mother’s buffet (we lived on the same street), to smxke herb and drxnk with his buddies. Unbeknownst to him, my insurance lapsed, and with rent and the car note, I was just making it. By process of elimination, the car insurance was the only bill to get on the chopping block.
I alerted Buck immediately “the car is not street legal and it’s uninsured. You have to bring it back.” This prompted a conversation about responsibility, which I appreciate. However, you had no permission nor do you have claim to this vehicle, “if something happens, to anyone with this car right now, I’m at fault and will be sued.”
Somehow I’d fallen back asleep. Two hours later, I got another call from Buck, to inform me a road raging driver hit him and 6 other vehicles. With help from a friend, I made it to the crash site. Buck was walking around, smoking a square, talking with the other drivers and the responding officers. A friendly sergeant, spoke with me regarding my car and how it got to that exact spot. This cops only response, “so the car was stolen and involved in an accident?”
“Yes and well, it’s uninsured and not even supposed to be on the road!”
“Would you like to press charges?”
“Dude he’s my dad.”
Word to the wise: Press those charges.
Buck refused the hospital and promised reimbursement. Said reimbursement was promised for months, quotes provided for the body work. The visible body damage wasn’t the worst of it. In April 2023, mechanics discovered the crash had damaged/dislodged the transmission. Repair estimates were $4,500–$9,000—money I didn’t have. I called Buck and asked for some assistance and his response, “I haven’t paid Sheila back, and I doubt I’ll be paying you back.” A crushing blow. And honestly, if I had insurance, this would be a non-factor.
I contacted the lender and was advised that my only option would be a voluntary repossession. This would affect my credit and if the car is confirmed to be inoperable, I’d still be responsible for the note. The car was picked up, the rest is history…
Oct 2025. Life had been a beautiful chaotic story of wounds and healing and self-care with the help of an amazing therapist. I prepared to file bankruptcy and truly turn the page, ending the car saga. On the day I received next steps from my attorney, I also received a call a from my mom/Sheila. She’d come home to a summons to court, addressed to me tapped to the door of her/our family home. Wild work. I assumed it was my cars lender coming back for what I owed - not even close. According to this summons, Buck, was injured in an accident involving an uninsured vehicle registered to me. The docket listed that Buck received a $15,000 settlement for his injuries as a result of said accident and in turn, I was being sued for twice that from some third party.
Remember when I told Buck, “If something happens to anyone with this car right now, I’m at fault and will be sued”?
Riiiight.
Well, according to Sheila, Buck received a series of calls from this legal team. And with each call she urged him to contact me, out of fear that I’d be affected. I received no word from Buck.
It is now Aug 2026, as I type this: I have not spoken to my father and he is blocked; I went low contact with my mother and sister for a while - out of protection from yet another Father Caused Debacle that left me confused, hurt and disappointed. Ultimately, I was able to roll all the things into my bankruptcy, including this new $30,000 lawsuit. Annnnd my credit is being rebuilt in real time.
Recently, my sister asked how long I’d be angry with Buck, and I don’t know. I have only slightly touched on this with my new therapist (the previous one passed away yall) and I have only just started with my new therapist. I don’t know that I’m still angry. I just don’t trust him anymore. I have not invited him any of my events or celebrations, and during our annual family dinner, I barely whispered hello to him. I don’t know how long I’ll be no-contact with Buck.
So AITAH for deciding that this series of events destroyed my trust in my father/Buck so badly that I no longer want a relationship with him—even though others in my family may think I should eventually get over it?
Thanks for taking time to read dudes! ✌🏾