AITAH for telling my husband I'm done funding his mother's life and he needs to get a job—after 6 years of being the sole breadwinner?
Throwaway because my husband knows my username.
I (34F) am a Black woman. My husband "Mark" (36M) is white. We've been married 8 years. I work in cybersecurity making $180K/year. Mark was laid off 6 years ago and never went back to full-time work. He does DoorDash occasionally but brings in maybe $1,000/month.
For 6 years, I've paid for everything—mortgage, bills, groceries, vacations. All me. I didn't mind because we agreed he'd handle the house while I focused on my career.
The problem is his mother "Patricia" (62F). She's never worked. She lives on social security and whatever Mark gives her. For 3 years, Mark has been sending her $1,500/month from MY salary without asking. When I found out, he said she's "family." He apologized but kept doing it.
Last month, Patricia called me directly asking for a NEW CAR. She said her 12-year-old Honda was "embarrassing" and that since I "make so much," I should "bless her" with a $35,000 SUV. She called me "stingy" for driving a 2019 Toyota while she "needs" something newer.
I lost it. I told her: "I'm not your husband or your daughter. I'm your daughter-in-law, and I'm tired of funding your life while you sit home doing nothing." She cried and hung up.
Then I told Mark: "I'm done. No more money for your mother. You have 60 days to get a full-time job, or I'm separating our finances and you're on your own."
Mark flipped. He said I was "emasculating" him and that "a wife supports her husband." He said his mother is his responsibility and I'm cruel for cutting her off. He's been sleeping on the couch giving me the silent treatment for a week.
My MIL is calling our relatives, telling them I'm a "selfish, greedy Black woman who married her son for control." My own mom says I should "give him another chance" because "marriage is about compromise."
I've been compromising for 6 years. I'm exhausted.
AITAH for refusing to keep funding my MIL's life and demanding my husband finally get a job?