u/Full-Ad-9620

Throwaway because my wife knows my main.

I (42M) have been married to my wife “Lisa” (40F) for eight years. We both came into the marriage with daughters from previous relationships. I have “Maya” (16F), and she has “Chloe” (15F). For the past eight years, I have treated both girls equally. I’ve paid for Chloe’s private school tuition, attended every parent-teacher conference, coached her soccer team, and made sure she had everything she needed. I genuinely love her like my own.

The problem started about a year ago when Chloe hit her teenage rebellion phase. Every time I tried to enforce a rule or set a curfew, she would roll her eyes and say: “You’re not my real dad, so you can’t tell me what to do.” Lisa would sometimes back her up, saying I needed to “step back” because I was being too strict.

I let it slide a few times, but the final straw was last month. Chloe snuck out of the house at 2 a.m., took my car without permission (she doesn't have a license), and crashed it into a neighbor's fence. Total damage: $2,800. When I tried to ground her and make her get a job to pay back at least part of the cost, Lisa flipped and screamed at me: “She’s right, you’re NOT her father! You have NO right to punish her!”

She said it in front of both girls.

So I took her words literally. I stopped paying for Chloe’s extracurriculars and told Lisa those expenses were now her responsibility. I stopped driving Chloe to her friends' houses. I stopped checking her homework.

Now Maya’s 16th birthday just passed. I bought Maya a used car (within my budget, nothing crazy) as a gift. Chloe saw it, got excited, and asked where her car was. I looked at her and said, “I’m not your real dad. Talk to your mom about getting you a car.”

The house EXPLODED. Lisa said I was being cruel and “punishing a child for being honest.” My mother-in-law called me a piece of shit. Chloe is crying in her room and won’t talk to me. Lisa is threatening to take Chloe and leave if I don’t apologize and buy Chloe a car too.

I told Lisa that if she wanted me to be a father, she shouldn’t have told me I wasn’t one. You can’t have it both ways.

AITAH for treating my stepdaughter exactly the way she and my wife told me to treat her?

My friend Clara calls me every night. Facetime. She doesn't ask if I'm free. She just calls. I've answered out of habit but it's becoming too much.

I'm usually winding down. Watching something, reading, about to sleep. She'll talk for an hour about her day. Sometimes I'm just nodding along.

Last night she called again. I was in the middle of a movie I'd been waiting to watch all week. I sent it to voicemail. She called again. And again. Finally I answered and said "I can't talk right now. I'll call you tomorrow."

She said "oh. okay." And hung up.

Today she texted me saying I hurt her feelings and made her feel like a burden. I said I wasn't trying to be mean. I just need some space at night.

She said "I call because you're my best friend and I need to vent. You could have just told me you were busy."

I feel bad because she's clearly going through a lot. But also I didn't sign up for a daily debrief.

AITA?