Emotional cheating in a 4 year relationship between partner (25/M) and his coworker
Hi guys, I’m really looking for some advice here. My partner and I are 25, we have been together for 4 years, have 2 dogs and have lived together for most of that time. We’ve been through a rough 6-12 months which originally stemmed from his depression due to a failed business. I found it quite hard to show him love and affection when he was so shut down and really not willing to continue putting in any effort with me. This then caused deeper issues in our relationship and his depression was then exacerbated by not feeling loved by me. I always thought we would work through it together, and genuinely believed I’d start a family and live forever with this man.
Yesterday I found messages on his laptop with a coworker talking about an emotional connection he’s made with a different coworker. In the messages, he said he ended up shutting things down with her as he couldn’t bare the thought of leaving the dogs behind. He kept saying he’s just going to nothing and continue being unhappy for the rest of his life by staying with me. After talking to him about it, he said that there was nothing physical between them which I do believe, but he admitted to ongoing flirting, spending an hour in her car talking after a work function at 1am, lied to me by saying he was seeing a friend when he really went to meet up with her when he ended it, had developed an emotional connection with her through shared experiences and the whole situation had made him get swept up in it and confused as he “just missed being looked at that way”. She told him she had feelings for him and thinks they should be together, which he told her he couldn’t commit to it because go couldn’t put himself before the dogs. He said he had checked out of the relationship because he didn’t think I loved him at all anymore and he wouldn’t have even told me if I hadn’t have found the messages.
After seeing me so distraught, it’s like he realised I do in fact love him and is literally begging to just work through it with him and is convinced we can hit the reset button to start getting back to when we were happy. I’m heartbroken and my trust has been so badly hurt. I also don’t want to think of life without him as he’s my best friend, soulmate (I thought) and don’t think I’d ever find that connection we have with anyone else. I just don’t know if I could ever move past this and trust him fully again. I guess I’m looking for any advice and an objective view of this situation. Is this as bad as it seems in my head? And has anyone gone through a similar situation, stayed, and actually been able to trust their partner fully again? Thank you.