does anyone else feel left out everywhere they go?
im now 18, and i've been diagnosed with autism since i was about 14/15. id say that i was diagnosed quite early in means of women, and over the years i've been able to manage my autism a lot more. i have a cashier job of about 20 hours a week, and even though it drains me, i still do it!! i try really hard to mask, i pull the same exact jokes my co workers do, but i always feel like some sort of alien. customers tend to look at you like that 🥲 it's like i can see them put 2 and 2 together and essentially clock me as autistic. i don't really get along with my coworkers either. i always initiate conversation, but they seem so disinterested!! they never start a convo with me either. the only people that talk to me are the middle age women who probably just feel bad for me 😭😭 new hires alwayss are able to befriend the people in literally 1 shift, and i've worked there for about 7 months now, and they still dislike me. in highschool i never really fit in either, the only 'friends' i'd have always left me out or just refused to talk to me. it hurt back then, and it hurts now.
i'm scared that this will be my life forever. i don't want to be 35 and still feeling like this!! does anyone relate to this?