I dread my birthday every year because of my nmom
I [M 28] have very limited contact with my mom. I noticed that once I hit my 20s, my mom loved to make jokes/comment about how I’m getting older. CONSTANTLY. Her comments have phased me in a way that I hate to admit.
Realistically, I feel better now than I did when I was younger. I neglected my health in the past but after various health concerns, I spent the next few years exercising + dieting to keep myself as healthy as I can.
The most recent example of my mom doing this was a few months ago when I was carrying my baby nephew and mentioned how big he’s gotten. Her response was “or maybe you’re just old and weak now”. Everyone around us laughed and I pretended that it was no big deal but it irked me after many years of her doing this.
I’m ashamed to admit that I constantly worry about getting older. I dread my birthday every year. I get scared thinking about my body declining. I worry about seeing my first wrinkle. I’m scared of people thinking that I’m unattractive as I continue to age. I’m ashamed because if anyone else were to tell me the exact same thing, I would empathize with them, but for some reason I can’t give myself the same grace.
I don’t necessarily want anything specific from this post, just more of a ranting session. I hope one day I’ll find peace with this, but I’m still on that journey.