Questioning if my parents might be Autistic..
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I'm now 44 and was diagnosed and have been medicated for combined type ADHD for nearly a decade. I know there has been an epidemic in adult diagnosis over the last 5 yrs but for me, back before the pandemic ADHD explosion, it was quite uncommon and a bit of an unexpected twist.
The psychiatrist at the time questioned me about my parents, both have very unusual personalities. We deducted that they likely both have ADHD in some form.
My Dad is extremely clever, incredible memory (savant like recall) and has a vast range of knowledge of many topics, arts, history, music, ecology, sciences and sports. And several degrees. He is the most well informed person I know and I work in medicine so I have met many highly intelligent people but he is next level. Although he has a terrible short-term memory and constantly misplaces objects and is clumsy. He didn't get his drivers licence until 50 yrs of age.
He is socially adapt and personable, but he prefers deep conversations, so I feel people slightly avoid him in a sense they know it won't be a quick conversation. He spends a lot of his spare time in isolation pursuing his latest interest etc.
My mum is street smart, not so much academic but has broad eclectic interests. In my youth I was often worried about her embarrassing me as I felt she lacked social boundaries or awareness of how she presented. And that theme has worsen as she's aged. I always feel I need to buffer interactions as she can seem abrupt and doesn't read the room.
She is very sensitive and quickly finds reason to dislike a situation or a person. She is very ridgered in her thinking and routine and resistant to change even when I present logical solutions or alternatives that would benefit. And most notably she is restless and always up to something.
Anyway that's a brief overview, they haven't been together since I was 5 yrs old, but have maintained a friendship.
I've now started to question if these traits are more of the autism spectrum variety than ADHD.
Both are boomers and have zero interest in diagnosis but for me, I think it helps me rationalise my upbringing. I know it wasn't traditional due to their unique personalities, and I’m grateful that I was able to absorb knowledge and have varied experiences due to their broad interests and I have inherited some of their more positive traits.
However, they both lacked, what some would call warmth. There were never any "I love yous" or "how are you feeling". That wasn't their love language.
They deeply care about me but aren't able to show it in a traditional sense.
I'm curious if others who are my age or there abouts are beginning to question their parents personalities and how it shaped them.
I'm very different with my own children, I'm a lot more physically and verbally affectionate. I wonder if its because I lacked that quality in my own upbringing.