AITA for not backdown down beacuse she wont apologize
I (F20's) have a friend (late 20's) who ive known for years got into a disagreement. In the past there were alot of thing that she did that I couldve stopped talking to her for but i didnt, i just went low contact and put her on an info diet (she couldnt tell you anything about me because i dont share any thing with her). Shes having a special event and I have a huge role in it - some friends have asked why I have such a role if we theoretically arent that close.
Anyway, without getting to specific, she considers my neice (6) her neice and recently she went to her house and was behaving badly which i talked to her about over the phone since i wasnt there but apparently after hanging up she started acting worst to which instead of calling me back they told her that if she is going to continue behaving this way that she shouldnt come back.
I was only made aware of this when my neice told someone 2 or so weeks after because someone asked her if she was going to visit and she said no because they said what they did. I brought this to their attention expecting that it would be met with understanding and a simple acknowledgement of the child's feelings but in turn i was met with combativeness and was told that it was justifiable to tell that to a child and that she feels that she deserves an apology for how the child was behaving. Keep in mind that there was no request for an apology until i brought up that the child's feelings were hurt. they also said that she knows that she is always welcome to come back to which i responded 'how would she know if she wasnt told.'
After being told that the child was intended to apologize i said absolutely not and left. I reached out a day later (there was still no response from here until then which is a response in itself in my opinion) and told her that i was disappointed and she said that she is also disappointed with how i handled the situation (protecting my neices feelings? idk) and if a child shouldnt be reprimanded for their actions. Keep in mind i never said that she wasnt wrong, i said that her telling that to a child in the heat of a tantrum doesnt stop the tantrum from happening and it wasnt justifiable to do so.
She also want ME to be the one to set up a meeting to talk about to more because "we're family and she wouldnt want the friendship to end over a misunderstanding". I genuinely feel like I have nothing else to say because if as an adult you cant acknowledge that you hurt a childs feeling and take accountability versus using me coming to her about an issue to express an issue she sad when it obviously didnt bother her beforehand.
But my question is WIBTA if I back out of the important role I have in her special event because she's unwilling to accept responsibilty for hurting a childs feelings and being an adult and accept the fact that it was unjustifiable to say that to a child and also for expect them to apologize for a tantrum she thre 2 weeks ago when you didnt make it known that you felt a way int he moment