Taking a hint, or being pessimistic?
I need people's honest opinion, so here I am in reddit.
I, 36yo F, wondering if I admit defeat before I should. I become more and more pessimistic with time, as I experience time and again experiencing "green lights" with people, only to find that it's actually indifference. Now I more quickly assume that people are indifferent and I'm tired of even trying. My boyfriend says I shouldn't write people off as quickly as I do, or assume they are indifferent before I've been given more signs.
Example: There was an older woman (in her 60s?) at my former work I admired, would love to have her in my circle. (I left that employer back in July 2025.) I gave her my number because I wanted to stay in touch, she texted me saying the same. Shortly after that I called her and we chatted, she was very busy moving houses, etc, but we had a good talk. I texted her like a month later and she agreed to meet up for coffee, but we never settled on a time. (I was leaving that up to her, as I thought it was her "turn" in the conversation.) She never responded.
I thought I would give it one last try before accepting her indifference--although I realize it's like nine months later. I called her three days ago, left a voicemail. No response. Just shrugged today thinking that was that. Then she texts me asking how I'm doing, etc. So...in response to my voicemail, she sends a text--three days later.
I don't think I'm going to respond. This is what I'm talking about. It feels like breadcrumbs, indifference.
Another example: I ran into a girl I met at church like a year ago. She runs a group I attended several weeks ago. Mind you, she came to my house for a Christmas party I hosted in 2024. We had a really long chat at the group about a common interest (she mentioned she was planning on walking the Camino de Santiago, and we discussed it, since I've been.)
I mentioned I don't go to the church we met anymore as I feel lonely and invisible there, which she totally understands. (This church has a reputation for making people feel that way.) She said she felt the same, and that she felt awkward going by herself. Rather than inviting me to come with her so we could sit together, she recommends another church she thought I should try. Like...you can't just do the obvious thing and say, "Hey, let's sit together!" When I told my bf, he thought I was presuming a rejection and shouldn't give up that easily. I'm like, her indifference is obvious.
Sorry this is so long, but my question is, am I giving up too easily? Writing people off too early? Or am I just taking a hint.