Hello, like the title says, she’s being more and more distant but before that I’ll give more context.

We’ve met end of February, beginning of April at the gym. At this point, I didn’t even know she was flirting with me but she made it pretty clear after a moment and I started to reciprocate since I’ve been seeing her at the gym for a while and I found her pretty. We’ve been on multiple dates but the first one I’ve told her i wasn’t looking for a relationship because of my ex (which is now almost 2 years ago) who was abusive physically and mentally, while also finding out at the end she cheated on me multiple times. I’ve been to therapy for 7 sessions but my therapist wasn’t really that great but at the end I still thought I was « healed » in a way. Even today before I’ve met this girl at the gym, I thought I was healed and I wasn’t thinking about her (as in what she did to me) and wasn’t scared to go downtown and see her when I pass her uni. That being said, I’ve told her about that and she understood but she said to her roommates that she liked me and that she was willing to see where this goes. I’ve started trusting her, like I’ve never trusted someone like that before since my ex (which was my first relationship) and I was finally healing little by little but I was scared to trust again. She told me that she was fresh out of a relationship that ended with him (apparently, because we don’t have the confirmation if he did it or not) cheating then breaking up with her (December 2025).Prior that, her dad a few months ago ended himself (August 2025). So I get she needs healing and I’ve been with her, helping her the best I can. The reason she moved here (it’s been 2y) is because of her ex (they dated for 2 1/2y) and I get they have a lot of memories attached here, but she talks about him a lot. She still has pictures of them on her phone.

I’ll fast forward to two weeks from now, she’s been more and more distant and depressed ever since she started working again (her job is in the area of where her ex lives and at one point when me and her were dating, he came by her work but she wasnt working that day but her coworkers told her). I advised her that she should change job because it has too much memories attached and that it is not helping to be working 10-12hrs shifts 4x a week to heal. She gets my point, but she Anglo and where I live is mostly francophone so it’s hard for her to find a new work. She noticed that it has been draining me a lot, that I am not as happy as before but I’m a fighter and I really think this could work out. She keeps telling me I should break up w her because its draining me but I told her if her or anyone else, everyone has their own problems, and that I choose to be with you I want her as my future. She knows she’s hurting me, so few days ago she broke up with me, we had a long conversation but the thing is, she loves me and I love her. She broke up with me because she said she’s not ready to be a gf yet, and i understand that’s why I’m willing to wait. I give her distance, she still texts me I love you, she still wants to hang out with me but, slowly she’s not doing those little things anymore such as saying good morning or good nighttt, it feels like I’m always engaging the conversation. At least, just when I say those stuff. She sometimes acts like my gf but it’s draining me to slowly see she’s getting distant. I get that, but the mixed signals are killing me. It opened old wounds I’ve had while in my past relationships (which lasted 1 1/2y)

She’s entitled to pay me back for all the gifts I’ve bought her and I keep telling her no. She’s a stubborn woman haha.

I’ll say clearly why she broke up with me :

She broke up with me because she’s not healed, it’s affecting me, she feels guilty that she let me fell in love with her (she fell first), she’s not over her ex (which is a bad guy bc she told me some stuff her did yuck) and sometimes she miss him even thought she knows he did bad stuff. She doesn’t love him anymore tho (that’s what she told me).

The moment she started feeling like that is the moment she started working again at that job (summer job) and I told her it’s not a healthy environment to heal since your ex can come at any time, you have memories attached to this place.

I’ve told her she can’t control the past but she can control her future. I know it’s hard, I’ve helped her mourn her father.

My question for you redditors : I should let go?

I don’t want to, we have a lot in common, a past in common and I’ve never trusted someone like that before. In my opinion, I really think this could work out but the distance growing is killing me mentally. I’ve lost my appetite, I don’t have motivation to go to the gym, work too…

I asked her if she wanted to break up contact with me and she said no but maybe she should because it’s affecting me. She thinks a lot about how I feel but I tell her it’s how she feels not a me problem.

If any more questions, please feel free to DM and I’ll answer!