My partner attempted suicide last week. I feel like I keep saying and doing the wrong things. I don't know what to do.
For context, we are long distance and his parents do not know about me yet. Because of this and his injuries, we cannot text or call as much as we used to.
He was in a really bad accident. It's a miracle he survived and every moment I'm grateful that he did. I've told him I love him and that I'm happy he's still here. And that I'll take care of myself so he can focus on recovery and doesn't have to worry about me. I am also diagnosed with MDD and I am starting my meds again this week, so as to do good on my promise that I will get help.
In all my past relationships, I'm usually the depressed partner. I don't know what to do apart from telling him I'm always here and that I love him. I made the mistake of telling him how I truly felt about his attempt (betrayed and hurt) a few days ago, and just today I made the mistake of mentioning something random about myself while he was talking about how he felt surviving his attempt. I made things worse by doubling down and telling him these were just lore drops and to "keep up." When having conversations about his attempt, I should remain serious even when he's being playful about it. But I forget. I always try to match his energy, but clearly there are times where I should be more mindful.
I think I am making his life worse. I don't think I'm doing a good job supporting him. I'm scared that he will attempt again. I don't know what to do. I love him so much, but he says he doesn't feel it. I feel like a failure and it's selfish to be thinking about myself in a time like this.