u/Edward101075

Neil was staring sadly into his beer and sighed heavily. "What's up Neil?" asked the bartender...It's not like you to be so down in the mouth."

"It's my four year old son..." Neil replied.

"Don't tell me, he's in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad's just the same – forget about it;

it happens to boys that age," said the bartender,

sympathetically.

"I only wish it was that," said Neil, " but it's far worse than that.

The little toad has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbour pregnant."

"Get away, that's impossible!" gasped the bartender.

"It's not," said Neil. "The little bugger stuck a pin in all my condoms."

Hi i plan to go to the North East in November this year for about 10 to 15 days from Mumbai. Can you give me a sense of budget and itinerary. We can avoid Manipur from the list of course

Genie: You have 3 wishes.

Me: I need just one. A Superpower.

Genie: What Superpower.

Me: I wanna know if she's single as soon as I talk to her.

Genie: That's not possible.

Me: Why? Yesterday after spending 4000 on lunch, she told me she was awaiting divorce. I wanna stop this nuisance. Grant me the power.

Genie: Bro that's the thing. You don't need a superpower to know if she's Single. You need a superpower to know if she's lying.

Me: Oh No! You mean she...

Genie: Exactly. Anyways, Wish granted. You now have 1 left.

Me: But you told me I had 3.

Genie: My Advice cost you 1 extra. Next time be smarter and don't seek advice. What's your next wish!?

Me: Turn into a beautiful single woman who never tells lies.

Genie: Faaaaaaaack Youuuuuuhhhh...

I thought I knew English until I heard my neighbour explaining the difference between Email and Gmail,

(1)Email - the mails which are sent using Electricity

(2)Gmail -the mails which are sent using a Generator

I swear I’m going to get my school fees back....