Ig it is finally over
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I met this guy a few months ago and things got intense very quickly. This was my first ever relationship and first time experiencing emotional and physical intimacy with someone, so I got attached deeply. We would talk every day, flirt, spend time together, send reels, update each other about our day etc. He kept coming back into my life emotionally and every time he did, I believed maybe this time things would finally work out between us.
But there was always this weird push-pull dynamic. One moment he would be warm, affectionate and emotionally close, and the next moment he would suddenly become distant. I was constantly anxious trying to figure out what changed, whether he wanted space, whether I had done something wrong, whether I should text or not. I kept trying to understand him because he had his own issues and I genuinely cared about him.
The first time he pulled away, he admitted he had not moved on from his ex. It hurt, but I understood. Then he came back again. And again. Each time we rebuilt emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, attachment and hope. Each time I thought maybe now he was sure about me. But every single time, he would leave again saying he still hadn’t moved on from her.
Recently his behavior changed very suddenly again. Cold replies, distance, almost like he did not want to talk to me anymore. I kept feeling something was off. I even avoided texting him because I thought maybe he needed space. Then eventually we talked and he admitted that what we had was “weird,” that he found me attractive and cared about me, but something between us never fully clicked because he was still not over his ex. He said we should stop talking completely and that I deserved better.
Later I found out he started following his ex again of 5 years. I know that doesn't mean anything it might be just a follow but in a way I know it probably means they are together or might get together soon.
And honestly, that realization completely shattered me because suddenly everything made sense. The sudden distance. The emotional withdrawal. The repeated leaving. It made me realize that while I was building something real emotionally, part of him was still emotionally attached somewhere else the entire time.
What hurts the most is not even that he chose her. I understand long-term attachments are complicated and if I still loved someone deeply, I might struggle too. What hurts is that he kept coming back into my life and reopening the connection while knowing he still hadn’t moved on. Every time he returned, my feelings got deeper. Every time he left, it hurt worse.
Now I’m struggling badly. I can barely eat or sleep properly. I keep replaying memories, conversations and moments with him in my head. Even happy memories feel painful now because I look at them differently after finding out about the ex situation. I keep wondering if he thinks about me at all or if I was just a temporary emotional placeholder while he figured out his feelings for her.
I blocked him everywhere, deleted everything, removed him from my life completely because I know staying in contact would destroy me more. But emotionally I still feel devastated and discarded.
I know people will probably say “it was only 2 months,” but for me it was my first relationship, first attachment and first heartbreak. And I genuinely did start falling in love with him.
I used ChatGPT to like rephrase everything because I am a mess😭😭😭.