Loneliness and suicidal thoughts
Generally I'm a happy person around people. I like to be around people, and actively participate in activities with them. But sometimes I feel very lonely, detached from them. This phase usually lasts for a week, when I separated from people. Then my failures, fears takes over my mind. I know there's better way to handle situation, but that time, my mind thinks "what if it doesn't go the way u want and u put u and ur family in burden. What if u fail and can't recover" etc. Then there comes the scariest part, I start thinking how can I commit, the process, how I may feel, what may stop me during it etc. All this in details. I can't stop thinking especially at night.
I generally try to help people when they're struggling, or showing symptoms. Even I prevented one of my friends from committing. But when it comes to me, I feel helpless. Feels like I'm always checking on them, if they're alright, if they need support. No one feels that I might not be OK, never been asked if I'm alright.
I stop myself since I've set a long-term goal for me to do for my family. But if that fails and I can't see any other way, and feel like burden, idk if I can stop myself