First Relationship, Constant Conflict, and Suicidal Thoughts
I (M) met my girlfriend around 10 months ago on a dating app. On our first date, we talked about our pasts and expectations for the future. She shared that her dating history had been very traumatic, including experiences of physical assault, disrespect, and unhealthy relationships. I had never been in a relationship before. Hearing her story made me feel deeply for her, and I wanted to be there for her.
As we continued seeing each other, she would often break down over her past experiences. I stayed because I genuinely cared about her and eventually fell in love with her. She also struggled with anxiety and panic attacks due to both past relationships and family issues.
About a month into dating, we introduced each other to our parents. Initially, things seemed fine, but later she told me she could never live in a joint family. From the very beginning, I had been clear that I am an only child and cannot leave my parents. In fact, I moved back from the US because of them. However, when she became emotional and cried about it, I agreed that I would somehow adjust because I loved her.
A few weeks later, she told me she felt uncomfortable around my parents and even said she felt they were physically checking her out. That completely shocked me. She then told me she wanted to stay with me but never wanted to interact with my parents for the rest of her life.
Around the same time, my business started facing severe financial problems and was heading toward bankruptcy. During this period, she moved to another city for her career. Part of the reason was a fight we had where I told her that her life revolved too much around me. In response, she decided to move within a month.
While she was away, I was going through one of the darkest phases of my life—financially and mentally. We stayed in touch, but it was clear she wasn't settling well in the new city either. Her parents noticed it too. Eventually, I asked her to come back because I genuinely needed support. She returned, and her mother even helped me financially when my company was on the verge of shutting down.
Despite that, our fights continued. Many arguments seemed connected to her past experiences. If something went wrong between us, it often got compared to what her exes had done.
One incident that really bothered me happened at my cousin's wedding. I was dancing with my female cousin when my girlfriend suddenly left the venue. When I realized she was gone, I ran around looking for her but couldn't find her. I even had to call her mother because I didn't know where she had gone. When I finally found her, she accused me of being inappropriate with my cousin while dancing. I was stunned because it was literally my cousin.
Recently, another situation happened. One of her colleagues invited her to join a personal project outside of work. She asked for my opinion. I told her that if it would help her career growth, she should absolutely do it. Then she mentioned that this colleague sometimes flirts with her. I told her that I trust her and believe she knows how to maintain boundaries.
She then asked me, "What if I told you not to work with a female colleague?" I honestly answered that if the project was important for my career growth, I would still do it because I trust myself to maintain boundaries as well.
Her response was that this proves my career matters more to me than she does. That led to another argument.
At this point, I feel exhausted. I've spent months trying to support someone I love while dealing with financial collapse, family responsibilities, constant relationship conflicts, and my own declining mental health. I don't think she's a bad person, but I feel like I'm losing myself in this relationship.
Am I being unreasonable here? How do I know whether this relationship is salvageable or if we're simply incompatible despite loving each other?
At this point I just feel like to end my life.