ask yourself this— if you saw the end, would you have ever started anything with them? if you knew all those parts about them, all the selfishness and cruelty, would you have ever been with them in the first place? if the answer is no, move on. they do not deserve you, and they never did.
it sucks that they are erasing you and treating you as if you were nothing to them? perfect. let them. you don’t want any of that negative energy hanging around you anyway. let them.
someone who loved you would not have left you in a ditch like this. crying, aching, begging to be loved back. they are not your person. avoidance is not an excuse to be a callous, cold hearted asshole. remember the pain you felt when they left you with no concern for how it would destroy you. with no opportunity for reconciliation. that will stop you from trying to reach out again. if they breadcrumb you, RUN!!
Made a list about my avoidant ex to remind myself never to be delusional about him again lol. hope it helps someone here too.
why he’s a piece of shit and you wasted your time
he never really loved you. he was just lying to continue access to you. but also— he probably doesn’t even know what love is and truly thought the way he treated you was love. that’s sad.
inconsistent with his affections. sometimes treated you as if you were air even while lying on the same bed
never really believed you were the one for him, yet lied to you that you were
mirrored your actions— he is not some sweet loving guy. what you felt from him was what you gave him. he was simply copying you.
LUSTFUL FUCKING LOSER!!!!!
avoidant but isn’t aware— i hope he never gains awareness lol
gaslighter, manipulator, compulsive liar
did the same shit with his ex and never learnt. and WILL NEVER LEARN.
is deeply insecure and unhappy with himself. but he will never admit it. will only blame you endlessly for your imperfections.
thought he deserved your attention and love when he gave literally nothing back
told you how if you ever gained weight he would starve you. as a “joke”
called you boring and unintelligent on multiple occasions. once again as a “joke” :D
said he wanted to see you and then changed his mind after you already bought tickets
never would tell you he loved you more. not even if it was a small white lie to make you feel better
never made you feel like he was lucky to have you— told you the both of you were “in each others league” but then would talk about how any guy who talks to you just wants to fuck you.
always ran away from conflict and let you sit in suffocating silence until you exploded.
you would have given up anything for him. done anything for him. you never asked for dates, never asked for gifts. never asked for anything other than his presence. but he couldn’t even give that consistently.
made you feel insecure over girls he barely knew, and wouldn’t unfollow them because he didn’t want to be “controlled”.
the second he broke up with you, he made plans with the girl you told him you didn’t want him hanging out one on one with.
the second he broke up with you, he followed back a female friend that made you insecure.
just… what. the. fuck.
the list could go on forever but i honestly can’t be fucked to think about him for a second longer rn.
// adding to this list slowly. anytime i think about the shit he did.
today i woke up and it was like a switch had gone off in my brain. i felt nothing for him anymore. all i felt was hatred and disgust for how i let him treat me, and embarrassment for what i let myself go through. can’t really tell if this is me becoming avoidant or just the anger stage of healing. idk but i hope it stays this way for the foreseeable future.
avoidant ex reached out yesterday to say he wanted “closure” because he felt like the bad guy for ending the relationship. the fuck? i wish i could’ve just ignored it but the kind part of me still wanted to give him some healing (which he does not deserve). told him the truth— that he never loved me. he acknowledged i loved him unconditionally yet somehow was still blaming me for being too much and being the reason he broke up with me. lol. they really never change. he told me he felt nothing and that he hasn’t processed the breakup yet— what are you telling me this for. are you hoping i will wait around for you to process it and miss me? i won’t. i won’t keep waiting around for someone who never chose me. the last grace i’m giving him is to hope he never has to process it, because im sure it will be painful. this post is the last bit of energy i will be giving to him. i will shove him into a box in the back of my mind now and never open it again.
i found myself smiling today thinking about the discard. i almost felt psychotic. but i finally am starting to feel free and coming to terms with the end. i recognise now that i lost someone who could never stay for me. someone who was never consistent and would run whenever things got hard. someone who always chose themselves over us. i’m glad they left me because i never would have had the strength to walk away. i would have let them keep cutting me over and over again and bleeding for them in the name of love. but they did not deserve my love. so i will smile today. and i will continue walking away until they are so far in the past that the are a foggy memory, a bad dream.
getting better day by day— but the worst part is always waking up. for some reason i keep finding myself waking up in a panic missing them. that feeling gets a lot better after i fully wake up and pull myself out of it but it’s horrible. anyone else experienced this?
it’s been 30 days since the breakup. i think im finally accepting the end and moving on. i still think about him constantly but i will not reach out again. i have not replied to the last text he sent me (wishing me happiness… how ironic) and i don’t think i will. i hope he never reaches out again because it might ruin all the progress i’ve made trying to crawl out of this hole he’s put me in. I’m still trying to patch up the wounds he’s left. a day at a time.
fuck being empathetic. fuck trying to show up as a human for them. they will only take advantage of it and continue draining you. choose hate. for once choose hate. hurt them back. call them out on their behaviour and then block them. i wouldn’t say this is healthy but this is what helped me. who knows maybe i have turned avoidant too lol. but as the saying goes— when you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. choose yourself for once.
i finally managed to block my avoidant ex 2 days ago. after a whole month of me begging him to give us another chance and trying to show him i could be the person he needs after he discarded me a second time (pathetic, i know). all of a sudden he starts calling me and texting furiously and telling me how i shouldn’t blame him for the relationship ending. i had enough and sent him paragraphs about my feelings and pointing out his avoidant attachment. i guess that made him feel guilty and really start thinking about his actions. suddenly he became so self aware and regretful about his actions and told me he needs to work on himself and do a lot of reflection (which i know is bs anyway). i then told him i believe he never loved me. because how do you go from telling someone that they are the one for you and that you never want to be with someone else to deciding that the relationship just isn’t worth it and that you want something else when i was still making an effort everyday to show him that i was there for him? that triggered something in him and he stated insisting again that he did love me but it was the way we handled our fights that made him lose his love for me. fights that were a result of his actions that caused a ton of mistrust and anxiety btw. i’m sick of it. i finally told him to stop using me to absolve his guilt of losing whatever feelings it was he had for me and blocked him. i hope i can move on from this. i can’t stand feeing this way everyday anymore. it’s been a month since the discard and i still can’t stop thinking of him and my mind won’t stop replaying the memories.