Need advice on navigating marriage with a difficult wife
I (28M) have been married to my wife (29F) for over 3 years. We met each other by coincidence and after a short period of talking, we got engaged and married about a year later. So it was a love marriage.
Ever since we got married, I noticed that my wife has never really wanted to spend time with my family. Despite my parents and sisters constantly trying to bond with her and regularly inviting her over, she almost always refuses. I’ve tried everything: talking to her about it numerous times, not pressuring her, including her in everything, etc., but nothing has helped.
Meanwhile, I visit her family almost every week, while she visits mine maybe once a month for an hour or so, usually while being on her phone the entire time as everyone tries to talk to her. Whenever I bring this up, she says that she doesn’t force me to visit her parents, so I shouldn’t force her to visit mine. She also says her family is “more fun,” which is why she sees them 2–3 times a week and rather spends time with them.
Needless to say, her family can come over whenever they want, but mine have to announce visits weeks in advance. She even gave her parents a key to our house when we went on vacation so they could check on things occasionally, without consulting me first. When I suggested doing the same with my parents for the next vacation, she completely flipped out stating it's not the same. For reference, we live about a 30-minute drive from both families.
Another issue is that I have a very strong bond with my friends, who are all married as well. We try to stay in contact and meet up once or twice a month. Ever since we got married, my wife has made this into a huge issue. She doesn’t want me meeting up with them, and every time I do, I come home to a huge argument over whatever reason she can come up with: not replying to her texts quickly enough, coming home too late, staying out too long, or even that the restaurant we went to had “too many women.”
When I ask her directly what her issue is with me seeing my friends, she always denies having a problem with it.
Sometimes I skip the meetups altogether and tell my friends to go without me just to avoid the drama. At this point, even they have started noticing the issues in my marriage.
On top of all this, my wife is very argumentative and often negative, especially about men in general. It has honestly made me wonder whether she carries some sort of generational trauma (we are North African). We’ve had our fair share of fights. Whenever I tried bringing up something that bothered me, she immediately became defensive and always had an explanation ready, so eventually I stopped bringing things up because it felt like there would never be any accountability.
Nowadays, I barely even argue anymore because I’m exhausted from all the constant bickering. I usually just apologize for whatever it is and let her rant so I can keep my peace of mind.
What’s difficult is that during the 1.5 years we knew each other before marriage, she never showed me this side of herself. I keep thinking that if she had, I definetly would never have married her and might even have called off the wedding. I suggested counseling or therapy, but she refused because she doesn’t believe in it.
Don’t get me wrong, she also has many positive qualities. We share a lot of the same interests, she appreciates the things I do for her, and she genuinely values the gifts and flowers I regularly buy her. She doesn’t take things for granted, and she helps financially while I help more around the house. We both work.
But despite all of that, I had started seriously considering divorce. Then we found out she was pregnant, which made everything even more complicated. I want to stay for the sake of our child and because I still hope things can improve, but right now I honestly don’t know what to do or where to start.
Tldr: married to a difficult wife who doesn't want to spend any time whatsoever with my family and doesn't want me spending time with friends. While considering divorce found out she was pregnant.
Seeking advice.