u/EffectiveTraining802

My third round of chemo is Friday. All things considered I'm doing pretty well physically, working most days, calling in minimally when the neuropathy or bone pain from the blood cell booster becomes a little too much. I have been very cranky lately, and easily angered.

Today my SO and I were discussing radiation, and how it also changes the breast shape and appearance. We deal with our discomfort through humor together a lot, and while nothing he said was hurtful or aimed at me specifically, because I am already feeling vulnerable it hit me hard, and hurt my feelings.

I cooked dinner and did the dishes, and then got irritated because he didn't help me clean up. He was doing other house stuff. Normally I would not respond this way. I didn't sleep at all, because I was such an emotional mess. IDK if its the chemo drop, my hormones fluctuating, being tired, having my feelings hurt, or a combination of all of it together, but I am angry, and hurt, and I feel so small and unimportant. He and I talked about it all already, he has apologized profusely, he keeps encouraging me to talk to him about how I'm feeling and just trying to support me while I feel so down and discouraged.

Now I'm at work, they left me with the one person on my crew I just do not like, and even though we have not said a word to each other outside of procedural talk, everything she is doing is absolutely infuriating me. Plus, she's behind the desk using a dental pick loudly, and the popping is enough to make my skin crawl.

I keep tearing up. I keep wanting to lash out. I know dealing with treatment and the changes cancer brings to life is a lot, so its not that I don't understand why I would be emotional. I am a pretty stoic person. I don't share my inner turmoil with the people around me. This is outside of my wheelhouse and I feel like I am losing my mind, and losing the stability that is me.

I'm just venting, but wouldn't mind hearing from anyone that felt similar. Your experiences, or your coping mechanisms, or your worst behaviors and their consequences because of it. I am biting my tongue because I just don't want to say something in my irritation that would hurt someone because I just can't control my emotions today.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has posted about their experiences, good and bad in this sub-reddit

I was diagnosed in April. I found a lump Easter weekend when I noticed retraction in the shower that i had not seen before and found a lump behind my nipple that i had never found on my monthly exams. Throughout my mammogram, biopsy, MRI, unexpectedly painless lumpectomy, port placement and subsequent unexpected pain, and my first round of chemo infusion Fri 10th, I have referenced this subreddit many many times, sometimes all in the same day.

I understand that the entire process is different for every body that experiences it, but reading those experiences gives me the information I need to know what COULD happen good, neutral, and bad. I see nothing but support in the comments, and its nice to see the same worries and concerns I have shared across so many souls.

Thank you everyone in this community for being honest, being lovely to others, and sharing the stress of gone-throughs, fears of unexpecteds, triumphs, failures, and everything else that can come along with the trials of this disease. You have calmed my nerves, shared a couple of laughs with your stories, and just made me feel like I can do this. Thank you again. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you