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By electrifying our most powerful sex organs, our brains, research has shown that provocative conversation has the ability to add serious sizzle to our sex lives. Yet, it’s a highly subjective form of bedroom art that comes in many varieties. In fact, one in five people admit that they have stopped sex cold because of the dirty talk. A chilling statistic.

This is according to a new study conducted by Superdrug Online Doctor that looked into the sex talk preferences of 990 participants in the United States and Europe ages 18-83, all of whom had talked sexually with a partner. And while 90% of the participants felt aroused by the right erotic talk with their partner, clearly the stakes of hitting a goldilocks heat level in sexual language are very high.

Participants said that a safe bet is not to start off with talk that’s too aggressive and too intimate too soon. What the study recommends is beginning slowly with suggestive, flirty questions paired with light touching. Perhaps the best received form of dirty talk is simply complimenting your partner’s performance as well as articulating what you want your partner to do to you, or what you want to do to your partner. “Respondents were quick to pay appreciation to times when a partner articulated a sexual request or desire, with more people reporting that these phrases were a turn-on than any other form of dirty talk,” reports the study.

Another relatively well-received form of erotic bedroom language is moaning. Forty-four percent of participants said that it turned them on the most. This is because the sound, according to the study, “produces a physical and tangible representation of pleasure and offers a sign to someone’s partner that the interaction is enjoyable.” They’re letting you know for sure that you’re doing something right.

The biggest point of contention in the survey was nicknames, particularly of the derogatory variety (e.g. “whore”, “daddy”). These were the number one turn-off for some respondents, yet they were the number three turn-on for others. When it comes to the pet names, the message seems to be to proceed cautiously, starting off lighter (“sweetheart”, “baby”). You can always add spice, but if you cross the line you risk obliterating the mood and finding yourself among that unfortunate 1-in-5 statistic cited earlier. Setting boundaries through honest conversation is the safest way to navigate these waters.

So, where do people learn the language of good dirty talk? According to 61% of the respondents, it was inspired by spur-of-the-moment events such as what their partner was doing at the time. The next top inspirations for men and women were previous partners and pornography.

Thirty-five percent of the respondents said that they had drawn on dirty talk from a previous sexual encounter. (Un-shockingly, 61% of participants said they would be annoyed if they knew their partner had done that.) Pornography was another popular inspiration, particularly for men who at 45% were twice as likely as women to borrow dirty language from porn.

From the article:

>Historically, men prized virgins as wives. Even today, in some parts of the world, women are submitted to medical tests to “verify” they’ve never engaged in penetrative intercourse. But, these attitudes are changing dramatically, and research in 2016 found that virgins are now actually less desired as sex partners. Some men choose to ignore their wife’s sexual past before them, some feel insecure and jealous about it, and some find that past intensely arousing.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/202108/why-certain-men-love-hearing-about-their-wives-sexual-past