u/Effective_One_4361

As someone who is recovering from addiction, I always struggled with the idea of surrendering to a Higher Power in the Twelve Steps.

Today I had an epiphany.

From the Buddhist teaching of anattā, or “no-self,” there is no fixed and separate “me” to begin with.

If that is true, then of course there is a Higher Power greater than “me” which we can call dhamma.

(I was struggling with the term "God")

Nothing to deep.. but might be helpful to others in the journey of recovery.

Day 18 of retention. 33m.

Had one of the best gym sessions I’ve had lately. Went in with a plan and ended up doing more than I intended.

afterward, still felt full of energy.

Instead of scrolling the phone or going home looking for stimulation, I threw on my huge headphones and went for a walk.

I pass by a coffee shop, and there’s this cute girl sitting outside. At first, I barely even registered her. Honestly, I saw her the same way I saw the cats walking around the street.. just another living being in the environment. Just neutral awareness.

Then she waves at me.

I take off my headphones and say: “Hey… do I know you from somewhere?”

She smiles and says: “No, you don’t know me. I’m just trying to be friendly.”

We start talking for a few minutes, nothing crazy, and I notice something different in myself... I’m calm. Present. Leading the conversation naturally instead of trying to impress her or get validation. There’s no hunger underneath it.

(I think this is what a lot of people misunderstand about retention.

The benefit isn’t some superhero attraction power.

It’s that after enough days, if you’re also training, staying disciplined, and not constantly flooding your brain with cheap stimulation, your energy starts becoming more contained and grounded. You stop radiating neediness. Women feel that immediately because it’s rare.)

After a few minutes, I just said goodbye and kept walking.

She genuinely looked surprised! she expected me to stay longer.

Old me would’ve clung to the interaction, started fantasizing instantly, and maybe tried forcing something.

But this time, I just walked away. Still energized. No mental spiral afterward.

You can appreciate beauty, enjoy connection, and even feel chemistry, without immediately becoming psychologically possessed by it.

That’s a different kind of freedom.