Alcohol makes me better, and that’s obviously a problem
** DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT A ALCOHOL ENDORSEMENT, alcohol has screwed my life more than it helped because of the social problems it caused.
I 18F, have social anxiety disorder, autism & recently diagnosed ADHD.
I have been drinking since I was 12. After the years of reflecting I’ve realised, I get top marks on exams, literally as in highest score in the entire year group, but only when I did them drunk. Sober I’d get high to low marks, always passed, but drunk me did infinitely better - I don’t think it’s a placebo because I realised this after I already did the exams.
Of course, there were so many times I overdid it and passed out drunk in school, so it had its drawbacks.
Now that I’m 18, and I can get alcohol legally (UK), I’ve been drinking less. (weird!!!), but more consistently. I don’t even usually drink enough to get drunk, just tipsy - And I’ve been doing… everything. I’ve been preparing for Uni, I’ve been working on my game (I always liked game development, but never did it consistently, only in those random bursts of motivation), I’ve been drawing more often, socialising with my pets more, been in a better mood with my family, I’ve been doing everything so well…
But I dont want to rely on alcohol for this, I’ve been told ADHD meds are recommended but my doctor person can’t give them because my weight is too low and heart rate too high. I don’t want to be an alcoholic, but Ive been sober for 6 months at one point, nothing got better. I do not plan on drinking at Uni, at least not to the extent I did in school… but if exams come up I don’t know what to do.
(I’ve been given meds to increase appetite, given calorie things which I always forgot to drink and they made me feel sick, the most I gained was 2kg in a year. Lost it immediately once the doctor just gave up. I think the only option is to get ADHD meds illegally, but is that even better than alcohol? Cause that can get me arrested probably. And I want a future…)