I (29F) am stuck between guy 1 (28M) and guy 2 (29M). I honestly don't know what to do in this situation because I have very strong feelings for both. I don't want to hurt either of them but I know it will come to that eventually. I just want minimal upset. How do I do that?
Guy 1 has been away for some time due to issues out of his control. I have been heartbroken and lonely since even though we talk every day. But something occured to me recently, he hasn't been making any effort, and hasn't been for a long time. Every time I try to address this he gets upset and promises to do better but this lasts for maybe a week and then back to usual. When he was living here, I planned our calendars, paid for everything and organised all the chores (he would do the ones I hated but only if I reminded him multiple times). Since he has been away we have spoken everyday but it's always me that calls. When I do get through to him, unless he wants some intimate time, he's always distracted or asleep and misses the call (despite me phoning at a reasonable time).
Now this is where it gets a bit worse. About 3 months ago I told him I was going to try to lose weight (I'm around 230lbs at the moment but used to be 130 and wanted to get back to that) I told him I have signed up to the gym, have bought a lot of healthy food and trying veganism. When I told him this instead of support, he got upset because it means we can't go to our favourite burger place weekly anymore. I explained we can still go I just probably won't eat as much and will choose the vegan option. He then also got upset that I would be getting home late to make dinner because I would be stopping at the gym regularly. It felt very unsupportive.
When this happened I went to my group chat of friends I've had since I was around 10. They all agreed he was being unsupportive of the weight loss and have said he should really be making more effort to maintain the relationship too. Then one of them, Guy 2, messaged me outside the chat asking to meet up for coffee.
Guy 2 had expressed feelings for me when we were 18 and I felt the same but that ended after the summer due to us both being too busy with university. We have hung out in groups since then but never alone so this was very out of the blue. When we sat down he essentially said, from the perspective of a friend, he doesn't like how I'm being treated and he just wanted to check in to make sure I was OK and I kind of broke down and the floodgates opened (literally sobbing in the middle of a coffee shop). So we went for a walk and he explained he doesn't want anything from me but he wants to see me happy.
We chatted for a bit about life after I had calmed down and fixed my makeup and I was curious so I asked 'would we still be together if life hadn't have gotten in the way?' And he paused and said that he honestly never stopped loving me but didn't want to get in the way while things are on the rocks. I quickly moved on because I didn't want this to move into disloyalty territory but it's been at the back of my mind since.
Every day, guy 2 has checked in but my actual boyfriend doesn't speak unless I call him. I am wondering if I settled with the wrong guy. I know if I leave guy 1 it will cause a lot of upset and I do still really love him and don't want to hurt him but he doesn't seem to want to show me he loves me and it's been like that for a while despite me communicating how I feel. I have feelings for guy 2 but really thought I would never go anywhere but now it seems like it might. I have never been in a situation like this and I really don't like upsetting people but I know I have to think of what I want too. I just don't know how to deal with this.
TDLR: I am caught between a boyfriend who has been away for some time who seems to be drifting away and an old friend who's supporting me more. I don't know what's best for me and everyone else in this situation and I want minimal upset from this.