i might like my friend
i really wanna confirm my feelings cause i don’t know if im in denial or just hormonal. My best friend at the moment is a girl i met in my freshman year and ive known her for 2 years now. Out of our big friend group i consider her my closest friend. We do everything together and we like to jokingly flirt and be all cheesy with each other for fun. we’ve even been deemed by our friend group most likely to date each other and everyone calls us a couple cause we walk around holding hands and she leans on my shoulder in class and stuff. it seriously gives me butterflies. i don’t know if what i feel is love or attraction or just a phase but the thoughts are gnawing away at me. ive had thoughts like these since second semester of freshman year, but recently i can’t stop thinking about her and looking at her for wayyy to long. I just think she’s so amazing and sweet and pretty and we get along so well. sadly i can’t tell her i think im gay because then she’d feel uncomfortable doing all the things we do. The play fighting and hand holding and bickering, and id be heartbroken if she felt uncomfortable around me. my parents are really asian and very traditional too, so they can never know their daughter is having homosexual thoughts. it would ruin my life. i don’t really have anyone else to talk to either as out of our friendgroup im closest to her. she has never shown signs or anything of liking me the way i like her, but she is normally very nonchalant and chill about everything anyway. every single day i think
about it so much and my chest hurts and my stomach tightens, because i know it can never happen.
i just finished crying over this because im kind of scared. i’ve never had a crush or felt attraction for anybody before so this is really new for me. I could really use some advice on what to do, how to navigate this, or how to figure out what exactly i’m feeling. help a girl out please 😭🙏