u/Efficient_Taro1648

Hey guys, has anyone cured their fixation on people noise at night?

I can’t pinpoint when it started. I haven’t always had this, but at some point in early adulthood, the sounds of people talking even at a reasonable volume, the sound of a tv even if objectively quiet, or someone talking on the phone have become intolerable specifically when I’m trying to fall asleep.

It’s something other people don’t seem to hear or be bothered by, but if I can hear it I can’t sleep and I get really distressed.

I know I’m being unreasonable… and you can’t control your housemates. I can’t afford to live alone, but even if I did… I’d probably be stressed out by my neighbors!

Like if someone is awake past 11 pm, I’m conscious of it and it is stressing me out.

I completely understand this is my own problem and I don’t want to live in the middle of nowhere, ironically I really enjoy busy city life and fun activities.

Does anyone else here deal with this? Has anyone been able to overcome, if so, how? Any therapies that cured you?

Does it get any easier??

I have had to move 3x in less than a year. The first time I moved in my flatmate was controlling and unable to compromise, would sometimes be verbally abusive.

My second flat was a 6-person HMO, where there was no referencing (I picked this because it was monthly rolling so I could find the best place for me) one guy smoked cigarettes in his bedroom (next to mine), and the woman in the bedroom underneath me was on the phone 24/7 yapping loudly. I lasted 5 weeks.

Finally I moved in with my boyfriend, who turned out to have an opposite conflict response to me, so when things aren’t good we bring out the worst in each other; and to top it off this new flat has mould and inconsiderate upstairs neighbors (their flat sounds like a rooftop bar). He’s been my biggest and only real support I have here, and now we’re broken up.

I guess I’m asking how do I survive this?? I don’t know how much more bad luck I can tolerate. For anyone thinking I might be the common denominator, I have also considered this. But before London, I have had consistently good luck with housemates, living happily in other parts of the country and my home country.

I wish so badly I could take a break and just go home. But that’s not a thing. Family live across the world. I’m so tired and I just want quiet peaceful and stable housing.

I’m on a £60K salary, which is good but not good enough to rent a nice studio in zones 1-3 as far as I can tell.

Are there any expats, or maybe even Brit’s who are far from home in London, who have success stories of finding their footing here, despite of and after instability? ❤️‍🩹