u/Effigy4urcruelty

I live with roommates and the current reality is that we have more cars than we have driveway space. all of my roommates are part of what amounts to a big club, one I am not a part of, so its not uncommon to have their friends over, sometimes in the driveway. sometimes i have to find street parking up or down the hill or risk getting blocked in and having to ask/wait for people to move.

currently we're all planning vacations, and they have a friend coming over who needs driveway space atleast overnight and probably at the house while we are away; this person cannot park on the street because of car registration issues, and as such i would have to park on the street at least tonight or agree to get blocked in.

The friend in question is a former roommate I have lived with, and as long as I have known them they have been a disaster- can't hold down a job, always asking to borrow money, recklessly spending, taking over community spaces with their things, talking over people in conflict or aborting the conversation altogether- put simply, they are the author for a lot of their difficulties, and the difficulties of those around them, and this registration issue is just the latest. I am tired of being inconvenienced by them, even just a little. WIBTA if i told them to figure something else out?

The money: 5000 USD or its equivalent, delivered however you prefer, no tax funny business.

The Curse: a pair of mimes(striped shirts, suspenders, black pants, berets, red clown noses) follow you around 24/7 and act out what you do and say.

They are not always the same mimes; you'll get a range of men, women, children, of all shapes and sizes.

You cannot escape them. You cannot harm or restrain them.

They do *not* follow your commands or address you at all.

For example, if you are telling someone about your day, they might mime driving or working or what have you, but they will not act out lies unless they are particularly entertaining.

Speaking of entertainment, if they go too long without having something to mime, they become bored and miming their own things with psychokinetic force to tease, harass, or harm other people. Just give them something interesting to act out every 8 hours or so and you'll be fine.

You taking the money?

The Money: 20000 USD or equivalent, delivered however/whenever per month. No Tax funny business.

The Curse: one day a month, you must commit to spending 12 consecutive hours in a coffin.

The coffin is a custom made form-fitting chamber. Think of those little clay action figure molds. It snaps shut around your (naked) body, leaving you with just enough room to breathe, but zero room to move. It's climate controlled, so you won't freeze or burn, and no entities will harm you while you are sealed.

Tubes connected to the coffin pump waste out and pump air in. You receive no food or water for the duration.

A stimulant is administered to you at the beginning of your 12 hours; this stimulant will keep you awake and otherwise clearminded for the duration of your time. No other drugs/chemicals(aside from required medication) are allowed before or during the experience.

You may not bring any technology(again, aside from life maintaining equipment) into the coffin. You may not have any contact with other beings or technological devices near/around the coffin.

1% of the time, the coffin will remain sealed for 36 hours instead of 12. There is no warning or indication before or during the process that this has occurred. After the 36 hours, the coffin will snap open as usual.

You taking the deal?

The Money: $10000 USD or equivalent, delivered however you'd like. No tax funny business.

The Curse: Every month, a Hollow One appears, claiming to be you. It will look, sound, smell, feel and taste exactly as you do; genetically, it will be an exact match. It will always arrive under such circumstances as to raise doubt over which of you is real. It will also possess all of your memories up until the moment it appears. Unlike the previous class of Hollow Ones, this replica has access to the full range of human emotion/expression(or at least the ability to fake it) and is susceptible to minor injury and will bleed etc.

Your family/friends/whoever have exactly 1 week to determine which of you is real, and which is the Hollow one. If they successfully choose you, life carries on. If they choose the Hollow One, it replaces you in your life (and maybe kills your family or whatever).

You taking the money?