u/Eggshells_Kimmie

Alright, where did we leave off? Has it really already been two weeks? Time flies when you don't have to endure Royale. Anyways corpse piles of wandering zombies in the resident evil mansion, aggroed by aggression. Rictus traded the souls of two family members for an ape, which sounds meaningful but isn't. Previous Designated Love Interest Hasty Jane attempted to kill someone, Helgramit saved Weed Joke, the upper level of the house got unlocked. Jokes about how embarassing it is to play D&D professionally. Constant tension between Travis' urge to use the new toy he bugged Griffin for and Griffin's urge to not let it be used.

We begin:

• Recap via audio clips.
• This version of the theme song is on loop in hell. But I did encounter another song by the artist in the wild and it was quite good.
• Griffin's intro is interrupted by the suggested change to the subtitle "Sinner Take All". Griffin says we are in the final third of the campaign. Vart interjects to try to one up all jokes.
• The goal is to survive to sunrise, it is now early dawn. We went all of last episode without a time update.
• Natter.
• Helgramit rescued Weed Joke. Loravith, callback to dumb cape joke from last week. Rictus traded two ghosts to death to save Pranklin.
• "Sometimes it rains in travnation."
  • I lack the capacity to care.
• Vart asks what new powers he has for sacrificing two family members. If you needed further proof he only cares about winning D&D.
• Arcana check: "I was hoping you would just tell me" 12. Griffin says Rictus doesn't feel like he has new power, but the time stop freezing him dissolves. The ravenwood ghost lineage is severed.
  • Woulda been nice if this had been a consistent plot point or had any meaning before now.
• Griffin is quick to assure Vart he is not powerless.
• "May I ask two spells" "Let's cast one and see how we're feeling"
• Griffin thinks the One Ring makes you intangible.
• Vart backtracks and decides to cast cause fear on the zombies. It doesn't work on undead.
• Plan C: grab Pranklin and cast thunderstep to evac. Corpse mound takes full damage, 20.
• Griffin isn't tracking which corpse mound is injured.
  • Why do rules matter
• Pranklin is poisoned and bloodied.
• Hippocrates is barely concious and is being dragged upstairs by Skorpo.
• Rictus casts Wither and Bloom, natter about whether he needs line of sight, damages corpse mound, heals hippocrates.
• Hippocrates has feathers again.
• Pranklin is given the antidote. Natter and joking. He is no longer poisoned.
• Rictus books it for the library (second floor).
• Loravith is in an office with a damaged corpse mound nearby.
• Griffin doesn't remember Justin healing up last episode.
• He is still poisoned. He attacks the corpse mound.
• Justin has a crashout about natural 1, complains that he shouldn't be able to fail after healing.
  • Keeps asking God for narrative justification. Much natter.
• Justin thinks he gets a second attack. He does not.
• Loravith gets bit, 4 damage. Con save, 18, poison shaken off.
• Loravith makes another attack. How does he have a +6 to a melee attack? Modified 20. 4 damage.
• Lightning lure on zombies. 13 damage. The corpse mound is dead.
• Loravith flies away. But he wants to loot the bodies first. Loravith does not have any flight capabilities. He is still obsessed with the cape from last episode.
• There is nothing on the zombies worth taking.
• Loravith heads towards where the others are, finding a study and a door deeper into the house.
• Helgramit is going up the stairs with Weed Joke. Exits to the West, East, North, landing with windows overlooking courtyard. Helgramit tries to join up with the others.
• Nearly the entire party is together. Weed Joke asks after Loravith.
• Justin giggles and attempts to force the Superman catchphrase as a joke.
  • Loravith is not flying, Griffin makes a point of this. Justin argues he is imagining it differnently. Rictus argues they can overrule the DM by consensus reality.
• The cape is gone.
• Much natter about who saved who just to dunk on Helgramit/Clint.
• They cannot turn the barriers back on.
• Ads, skipping.

Personal updates: I have now run a stream for the Trans Academy, there were some tech errors but nothing egregious. All things that will improve with time and practice. You know how it goes. While writing this recap came out at work, dealt with that adrenaline spike for a bit. Saw an excellent production of Peter Pan Goes Wrong last week, working on a design for a fashion contest, working on cosplay, picked up some new avis, our bonuses got turned down at work, went on a few dates in VR to mixed response.

Ads over, we return.

• Everyone is in tthe study but Hasty Jane. There are many doors and stairways. Perception check called for Griffin keeps talking while they roll. Emphasis placed on the two fireplaces.
• Rictus: 17, Helgramit: 6, Loravith: 12. Fireplace on the east wall has a diagram of the second floor. Corner rooms marked with purple, red, green, and blue. Rictus notices the fire in the fireplace is glowing and prismatic. There is a ladder behind it.
• "I think we need to put out the fire and each room will have something to turn off part of the fire"
• Skorpo now has a new voice.
• Rictus has ADHD and really good pattern recognition. Skorpo is amazed.
• Weed Joke is treated like a toddler or dog as Loravith and Helgramit over argue who he should accompany as they explore these colored rooms.
• Contested persuasion checks, Loravith with advantage. Helgramit 17, Loravith 17, Rictus rolls a 20 before Loravith rolls again. Loravith rolls a 14. Weed Joke wants to go with Loravith, Justin overrules, both of them follow Weed Joke together.
• Stupid flute music as Weed Joke goes full Bakshi Hobbit, he wants to go to the green room.
• Weed Joke isn't in charge. Loravith and Helgramit and Weed Joke head to the blue room.
• Rictus loudly calls out to try to attract designated love interest Hasty Jane. Then departs with Pranklin to the green room. Hippocrates heads northwest and Skorpo Northeast. We are not given colors.
• Blue Master Suite, amazing room. Fireplace with blue flame. Weed Joke begins poking around.
• Helgramit arcana check on the blue flame. 11. It appears to be a natural flame but it's connected to something else somehow. Back wall of the fireplace have channels into a crawl space.
• Suggestion that Loravith pees out the flame. Loravith casts Absorb Elements, calling it like peeing with your brain in reverse.
• Justin still doesn't know how Shield works but doesn't cast it. Absorb elements, 2 total damage, annoying sound effects, the fire is sucked up. Dex saving throw: Justin notes he tuned out of what Griffin was saying. Save total 2.
• Roided Mr Bean is in the fireplace. He has yellow eyes and isn't aggroed. 3 damage, Con save, 10. Necrotic damage added, 3 more. But no poison, it was a dry bite.
• Much natter, Roided Mr Bean aggros on Helgramit.
• Loravith pulls Weed Joke away from Bean.
• Green Junior Suite with Pranklin and Rictus. Green fire, etc. Investigation check from Rictus: 21. No switches or obvious mechanisms. Something in the bathroom moving about.
• Ray of Frost on the fire. 25 attack, no damage rolled, fire disappears. Advantage on a dex save: 11 and 18. The Gentleman zombie breaks through the wall. Much natter about how he lacks his style. He is missing an arm, or maybe not, also how did he get reconstituted?
• Pranklin throws a table and misses. The two retreat towards the purple room after Travis mentally stalls out for a bit.
• Athletics check to determine how quickly Rictus moves. Natural 20. He moves quickly
• Hippocrates is in the purple room and is making slow progress. There is a small desk with a purple flamed candle.
• Arcana check: 20. Happening on the table, it's legit. Rictus crows about serving death. The candle is about to explode, Rictus evacs Hippocrates.
• Ray of Frost vs the candle, attack roll 24, trap is defeated.
• Hippocrates asks why Rictus saved him. "Now is not your time."
• Retreat to study, only the red room is still lit on the diagram.
• We return to Helgramit and Loravith. Scorching ray vs Mr Bean but Swole. Advantage because target is prone.
• 16, hits, 3 damage, turned to 6 for weakness.
• Natter. Clint references a John Wayne movie, the others rag on him and ask for a non problematic example.
  • Fuck you sometimes the example person is just problematic. Deal with it.
• Clint suggests another actor, Griffin admits ignorance but "he's probably old enough to have some skeletons in his closet"
  • It really is just wrecking anything Clint tries to build.
• Clint is hoping his fire can knock out the blue flame. But the blue flames are already gone. He didn't realize Loravith absorbed all of it.
• Mr Bean attack, hits, 5 damage, Con save DC 18, 8, failure, poisoned, 6 necrotic damage.
• Weed Joke tries to smash Bean with a vase, success, 4 damage. Bean is almost dead.
• Loravith asks what is wet from the water in the vase. Griffin described dead flowers not water.
• Lightning Lure on Bean, Strenght saving throw, failure. 11 damage, the roided Mr Bean is dead again.
  • Justin saying that the zombie biting on Helgramit has good taste in people is bad enough to make me laugh.
• Perception checks, Loravith 19, Weed Joke 4 plus unknown, Helgramit 9.
• Another zombie is coming from the fireplace, Gandalf stand in.
• Weed Joke is shocked. Not Gandalf aggros on Loravith, despite the fact he was killed by an environmental hazard.
• It's Helgramit's turn. I guess we do have initiative going. Helgramit casts Leomund's Tiny Hut.
  • One minute casting time but whatever.
• Weed Joke is with Helgramit in the hut. Clint reads the spell description.
• Weed Joke is in shock. He is not in danger, Loravith is up.
• He casts Shield. Shield doesn't work that way. Griffin notes it is a reaction.
• Loravith spider climbs up the wall to the ceiling.
• Loravith yells at Weed Joke to run. Insight Check, Justin argues persuasion check instead. 16.
• Weed Joke runs.
• Helgramit runs after Weed Joke. The hut vanishes.
• Loravith assures Non Gandalf that he is taking care of Weed Joke and asks to be granted passage out of the room.
• Persuasion check, 10. Failure.
• Loravith casts fireball, Griffin thinks it's an attack roll. Dex saving throw failure. Justin is cackling imagining destroying not Gandalf almost coming to his senses.
• Insight check from Lor on Weed Joke, 6. Weed Joke looks scared of Loravith but composes himself. Weed Joke asks if Loravith killed Not Gandalf.
• "I want to answer your question. But first I have to ask one clarifying question about killing him, which time?"
• End on the laughter of the cast.

Shit sucks, and we have a FOURTH episode of the necromancy trial coming up. Dear god

I've recently seen a lot of people complaining about the recaps and saying they need to end.

No.

It's called a curse for a reason.

Endure.

Last time on The Adventure Zone Royale: a mansion, approaching zombies with suspiciously weak stats, hordes of zombies blessedly treated as a single creature. Killing anything draws zombies. The theoretical alliances of the previous episode dissolved instantly. A red barrier prevents access to the second floor but the power source has been located in an office. A particularly large corpse mound and/or zombie horde interrupted.

We begin.

• Maxfun plug. If I can spare $5 a month I can keep the show rolling and get this year's bonus episode.
  • Perhaps I am spoiled by patreons but that seems a piddling reward. And I am usually one to argue for funding artists purely for the sake of their art. Also why would I want to keep this show rolling?
• Recap via audio clips.
• The theme song continues to play in my nightmares.
• Justin loves and will miss playing Loravith. Gets excited to record because of the character.
  • Could have fooled me.
• Griffin has no idea what everyone's characters will do.
  • Loravith will bluster and do as little as possible unless there is an easy win or it involves Weed Joke, Rictus will swap motives and backstories in a desperate attempt to retain his station as the main character, Helgramit will scheme and plot to ensure his own survival, it isn't that complicated.
• "Rictus is out here battling his inner demons" "yeah, sure" "And he's trying not to be an evil murderer"
  • Could have fooled me. And that "yeah, sure" says so much.
• Recap. Justin interrupts to note that Clint has rearranged his area and it's distracting and he isn't easily distracted.
• Final Spider and Tommy Falcon are dead.
• Loravith is on the library ceiling. He saw the barrier rune in the office, corpse mound is following Burger Man.
• Natter, Vart overplays the joke and is met with silence.
• Perception, advantage, 13 and 9. Door will break soon under the corpse mound assault. Burgerman is screaming inside the office.
• Justin casts Shield on himself and slams into the corpse mound.
  • I know I shouldn't complain about rules but Shield is a reaction, not a proactive move.
• Attack with advantage: 14 and 18. Falling damage given to the corpse mound. 1d10 plus unarmed damage. 11 total. Dead get more dead, mound is at less than half.
• Bonus action large form. Also the corpse mound is prone.
• Corpse Mound attacks, even with shield hit lands. Travis is amazed Justin has a base AC of 9. Justin gets defensive about it.
• Zombie bite, 22 damage. Con save DC 15, natural 1. Travis is still stuck on the AC.
• 9 damage, necrotic, continuing until save.
• Another attack, failure.
• Burgerman greases the area under the corpse mound.
• Shift to western side of the mansion. Scorpo, Rictus, Pranklin, Helgramit, servant's quarters, Skorpo running, huge corpse mound arriving.
• Another Corpse Mound approaches from the kitchen. There are unblocked exits to the dining room and stables.
• Helgramit says Loravith is in great danger in the library and moves to the dining room, necessitating he pass by two of the American Gladiator ripoffs if he wants to move to the library.
• Stalling, Clint casts Misty Step to bypass them. He does not exit to the library but tells Loravith he is on his way.
• Rictus is up. He casts the Gentleman's Time Stop.
• Griffin begins adjudicating. A 9th level spell will cost 9 spell slots. Not how that works. Or it can be attempted at 3rd level with a wisdom saving throw. Rictus casts it at 3rd level.
• Wisdom Saving Throw DC 17. 14. Rictus is stuck in a bubble of frozen time.
• Pranklin makes his save and manages to pull Rictus back into normal time. Perception check: 18, Rictus sees an image of Death within the time bubble. Time has passed, Skorpo is being attacked by the corpse mound.
• Rictus gets another action. Because that last one was....
  • Another action, for failure, after explicitly noting time has passed. This is beyong ignoring the rules and fully into catering entirely to Vart.
• Rictus grabs Skorpo and casts Thunder Step to retreat. Con Save DC 14, failure, 18 damage to Corpse Mound. The other corpse mound has arrived from the kitchen, Rictus retreats to the dining room. the remaining Gladiator Zombies are approaching.
• Loravith. Much discussion of the greased up undead.
• Loravith will attempt to join Burgerman in the office. Contested Strength Check: Burgerman 12. Justin rolls a 1. But there was also an 11 in there (I presume another roll that didn't count or something?). "11 is close enough to 12". Door budges somewhat. Loravith climbs the wall with his still active spider climb. Zombies remain fixated on Loravith.
• Travis seems particularly fixated on getting on mic this episode.
• Burgerman bolts for a door away from the Corpse Mound. The red rune in the office presumably powering the forcefield to the second level is visible.
• The whole of this is not in initiative. So extra actions mean nothing. Justin is confused.
• Justin, correctly, points out that the Grease spell is non flammable. Much natter and then....
• "I don't want to embarass you guys." "I already am! I'm playing Dungeons and Dragons professionally Justin, how much more embarassed can I be?"
  • Fuck. off. Fuck all the way off. Fuck off as far as you imagine possible and then continue to fuck off. May your gacha pulls reach pity and always fail the 50/50. May your connections always stutter in games, your streams remain joyless and your favorite franchises be destroyed by corporate greed. May your weed be of poor quality.
• Justin heads for the door to the office, diving for the rune and aiming to fly out the window. Something about a cape.
• Much natter about the cape. Loravith rolls an arcana check, natural 1. He believes the symbol will give him a cape. Steps into the symbol.
• Corpse Mound gets frenzied. Barriers go down.
• Library shelves move to reveal a stairway to the balcony. Justin is unimpressed and wants to look in the desk because he didn't get anything.
• Investigation Check: 16, argument about whether the corpse mound can cross the room in time.
• A fountain pen is found. This is a joke. Vial of red liquid is found, this is not the joke. 6 points Necrotic damage, Charisma saving throw to fight off the zombie plague. 3. Failure. He drinks the vial.
• Why is a cape so much the focus right now?
• Potion of Healing (superior), 35 HP healed, poison persists.
• Piano strings are being scratched, light piano music plays as we go to the ads. It persists for a while.
• Ads, skipping.

As per tradition, personal updates: I was up until 1 am cuddling with an Australian catgirl in a clifftop cabin overlooking an icelandic beach during an unending sunset. A six winged slime catgirl induced gay panic in me in something like ten seconds. Cosplay progress (The Silent, Slay the Spire 2) is going reasonably well. I am surrounded by brilliance and art and astounding people and I am incredibly lucky in this respect. The Australian called me this morning to keep me company while I was getting ready for work.

My D&D game is going wonderfully well, I even died temporarily and there was an amazing bit of roleplay to go with it. DM has some loose rules around inspiration and those were bent hard to give us a chance at all getting home alive. Monologuing, genuine pathos, a risk of death that would come down to one roll, and the chance for me to reject my own resurrection. Looking back it was a little cheesy at points sure, but I'll take slightly cringe lines played sincerely over detached irony any day.

• We return.
• Helgramit ducks into the library, then ducks into the drawing room. He hears the piano strings. The room is wrecked. A gigantic zombie, the gnome Pip, is banging on the piano.
  • It is noted his hat does not change size. Despite the giant hat being how he was spotted by Loravith. Because what is 'funniest' in the moment is always best I guess. Also I guess they still have their spells? Despite those presumably being in the crystals? Or did the crystals just copy the knowledge of the spell? Why do I care?
• Natter.
• Helgramit can infer that the piano is occupied but does not know who is in there.
• Helgramit uses Thri-Kreen telepathy to figure out who it is. He laments this as he realizes he has to help or Weed Joke will tell Loravith. Helgramit continues to be the only even vaguely real character in this game.
• Infestation on Pip, maggots for preference. Con save, 13, failure, 8 damage and Pip also gets moved away. He is knocked out the window by random chance.
• Pip aggros to Helgramit and then leaves. Weed Joke is extracted from the piano.
• Weed Joke points out he could have just been immolated. Helgramit agrees but decides to move on, heading for the second floor.
• Rictus has pursuing waves of zombies and two regular zombies. Pranklin is blocking the doors they came through, leaving routes to the library and the north of the house open.
• Rictus casts Animate Dead on one of the repeatedly dead Gladiators. Griffin did not account for this.
• Okay now we are counting actions? The re-re-risen zombie is ordered to run interference.
• Arcana Check: 1. The new zombie appears to be drawing aggro from the old zombies. All those living move to the north hallway.
• There are doors, and a stairway up. Hippocrates and Hasty Jane are in the hallway. HJ is bludgeoning Hippocrates to death with a candlestick.
• Rictus sounds concerned.
• Jane stammers an explanation and flees upstairs.
  • Why do you need to explain why you killed someone in a death game?
• Hippocrates isn't dead yet. Rictus offers the vial he got from Hippocrates, that won't help. Hip asks to be moved. Rictus tells Skorpo and Pranklin to carry him.
• Pranklin is barricading the way they've come, gives a thumbs up. Insight check, 1, Rictus is sure he means "cool door huh?"
• Skorpo and Rictus start to haul Hip up the stairs. Perception Check: 21. There is a loud crash and ape noises as Corpse Mound and Pranklin intersect.
• "That's my boy!" Why?
• Rictus wishes to cast Time Stop, burning all of his spell slots to do so. 8 slots available, 9 needed. It is cast at 3rd level with a saving throw, which Rictus fails. Number not recorded.
• Travis pleads with apparent sincerity to burn the rest of his spell slots for Pranklin.
• Travis offers to delete his cantrips as well.
• Pranklin is being ripped to shreds by the Corpse Mound and Rictus can only watch.
  • If I cared this might be harrowing.
• Death appears, he is more sarcastic than last time, mocks Rictus for calling himself a master of death and time. Which I don't recall him doing, I recall Griffin saying it.
• Rictus is dragged for continuing the family legacy of thinking they can control powers beyond them. Death is disappointed, he can appear because they are outside of time.
• Bad things will happen if he keeps using time stop without being able to control it.
• Rictus is having feelings about hubris, Master/Servant relationships, wanting to be a conduit rather than a control panel.
• Rictus has been looking forward to the Necromancy Challenge but this is a bastardization of his understanding of the discipline.
  • So this is motivation... 24?
• Insight check: natural 20. Death blocks the view of Pranklin, Rictus does not fear Death ahead of him. Griffin attempts to be inducing a character arc. Rictus wants to help Pranklin.
• Death can't keep helping if Rictus won't forsake his father and follow Death. Death needs an assurance.
• Rictus' ancestor ghosts who have popped up a few times are snagged by Death. Lecture about the mind not meant to persist eternally.
  • So there is no natural afterlife, only oblivion? This is how you get liches.
• Rictus trades two family members, one of whom helped him repeatedly, for a competitor whom he will have to kill. And he's supposed to be heroic in this?

Shit sucks. Fuck this. Long day at work. My campaign has an interlude coming up that will probably make for a bad podcast but a fun evening with friends.