I feel numb and hurt at the same time
Ever since the pandemic started my mental health started to plummet downwards. Every task became too much, I genuinely couldn't stay off my phone or get off my bed. I was literally just rotting. When it was over, everything felt so surreal, and before I knew it I forgot the life I had before the pandemic started, and what I did during pandemic. It's like my memory was slowly erasing itself. Now I feel like I'm just I don't know, drifting? I don't know how to describe it; but every day the thought that says I'm going to die constantly creeps in. I have no idea what to do, if I should see a psychiatrist (I need to tell my mother. I have no insurance. It seems expensive), or what. I can't even pick up a pen to draw, and I love drawing. I used to love it. I loved art. I can't do well in my academics anymore too, plus the guilt and shame I constantly feel from an incident that happened months ago still eats at me. I can't do this anymore.