I don’t know if I should stay or go
Hi I’m kinda lost in my relationship right now because I (24F) and my (28M) boyfriend of 7 years have had a pretty stagnant feeling relationship lately.
I have bad social anxiety and this has kept me from really pursuing a job, I make money through art but it’s not enough to get our own place.
We currently live with his parents and have been doing so for 6 years. I met him long distance and moved over after awhile. I got my license at 23 and I pushed him to get his at 27. He also doesn’t have a job due to “neurological” issues, he suffers from dizziness and anxiety when entering crowded public places or any type of motion.
I love him so much, genuinely the most caring funny guy I’ve ever met, but life feels so stagnant. He’s never taken me out on a date, and to this day it’s still me that drives us everywhere.
He is trying to get better since I told him if he doesn’t try to solve his issues that I would move back home. He definitely is trying, he gets out more but relies 100% on me to take him out and do things.
It really hurts seeing all the couples online going out and having fun, mine could never even ride a roller coaster with me. Not that it’s a deal breaker but, I wonder if he’d ever get better.
When we first started dating he didn’t have the issue, it only took place after a few months of us dating, and it got worse but has been getting better over the years but still bad enough to where he can’t work.
I did fly back home once to stay with my brother and father but the apartment had 0 food 0 water, and was disgusting like it’s never been cleaned before…so I flew back to bf. My boyfriend promised me he’d do everything he could to get better and take me on dates for real this time, but after coming back all he really does is just play games and doom scroll.
I could get a job here but it’s been hard I keep getting turned down, I only had one job at 17 and quit after one day because the pay was so bad and so were the conditions.
I have another opportunity to go stay with my mom and her boyfriend but their relationship is kinda toxic, and my mom in the past was very toxic towards me too growing up, but she says she can 100% help me find a job and sleep in her living room, they always have food and all the other necessities you’d need to survive, so I’ve been considering it.
Move out and try growing independence and confidence or stay where I’m at and possibly live another 6 years on auto pilot..
(I also met another guy who is into me but obvi I turned him down, he did pay for my first flight back home cause he wanted to help me but unfortunately that didn’t work out cause of the living conditions.)
So also maybe I could find a new relationship? I genuinely wouldn’t if my current boyfriend would show me some improvement, I know it’s hard when it’s possible neurological stuff, but I want to live my life…
I sometimes ask myself if I could have my dream life but couldn’t take my boyfriend, would I accept it? And I find myself saying no. Is that because I depend on him so much, or because I love him so much?
I’ve began to feel resentment towards him, this sucks and I feel like the world’s worst girlfriend.