AITH for refusing to let my mother meet my newborn after I found out she secretly told my ex wife about the pregnancy?
I (32M) recently had my first child via surrogacy with my partner. The pregnancy process was very private and only a small group of people knew about it, mostly due to past family issues and how invasive things got when my ex wife and I were going through our divorce.
I specifically told my mother not to share anything with anyone until we were ready to announce it ourselves.
A few days after the birth, I found out from my ex wife that my mother had contacted her weeks earlier and told her about the pregnancy. Not just that it included details about the due date, the clinic we were using, and even suggested my ex might want to be involved again.
My ex wife was understandably upset and said she felt dragged back into something she had no intention of reopening.
When I confronted my mother, she said she only told my ex because she deserved to know and that she was trying to heal old wounds and bring closure to everyone. She insisted it came from a good place and that I was being harsh for cutting her off from the baby over one mistake.
Since then, she has been telling relatives that I’m punishing her and denying her first grandchild over communication differences.
I told her I don’t trust her judgment right now and that she won’t be meeting the baby until I feel comfortable again, if ever.
Now my extended family is split some say I’m protecting my child, others say I’m being extreme and depriving her of something she’s waited years for.
AITH for refusing to let her meet my newborn after what she did?