Overwhelming worries about attachment
I’m hoping someone can help because I’m feeling really low. Apologies for the word vomit. I don’t know if it counts as PPA if I’m now 6 months pp, but today I got the overwhelming feeling my baby doesn’t like me or prefer me to others. I’ve had difficulty holding back tears this evening and have been openly crying around the house.
My in laws came to see our family for the first time since LO was 2 weeks old because we live in different areas of the country. My baby has always been and continues to be very wary with my parents and other new people (she cries, looks to me for reassurance)but she was extremely social and smiley with my in laws to the point where she didn’t look to me for reassurance or interact with me basically the whole visit. She seemed to love my MIL which took me by surprise (I’ll be honest she’s not my favourite person). She smiled with them the whole visit. When she’s with me and my husband, she tends to be happy for the very beginning of her wake window and then the rest of the time she cries off and on/seems frustrated.
I’m starting to spiral and feeling like she doesn’t want me - what if I’m only a food source to her? I wonder how she feels about me or
If she feels attached to me. I try my best but I feel like I could be doing more. We cosleep, contact nap, ebf and I respond quickly to her cries, I’m home with her all day everyday - I thought she’d have a strong attachment to me.
I’m focusing on all the ways I may have been dropping the ball. Feeling like maybe I’ve focused too much on getting her to meet milestones, or maybe I could be more nurturing, more in the moment while nursing instead of scrolling. I’ve felt burnt out and sometimes I feel like I’m not as engaging as I should be and I’m going through the motions.
I wonder why she’s so scared with my parents. My anxiety tells me there’s something inherently wrong with my family. I felt like an outsider watching my husband and his parents interact with my baby. I still feel a sense of possessiveness with her around my in laws that’s hard to shake.