r/AttachmentParenting

Hi! Trying to sort out sleep (eternal) with our EBF 8-month-old, who has never been a good napper or sleeper (wakes basically hourly at night). Right now I feed him to sleep for naps and all night sleep...not really what I would prefer, and I'm trying to create new sleep associations etc (if only so my husband can handle sometimes) but it's hard.

My question is mainly curiosity about how you all handle naps at this age: we don't have a solid schedule in place because every night is so different, but basically around the 3 hour ww mark I'll feed him and he'll fall asleep pretty easily. We're on a two nap a day schedule at this point, so the last wake window is longer. If I transfer to the crib, he will almost inevitably wake 20 min later and sometimes be grumpy etc (suggesting maybe still tired). But if I contact nap him he'll easily sleep for like 1-2 hours and it starts to feel like he's getting too much daytime sleep... that said his night sleep is so perpetually busted it's hard to know. Appreciate any leads in advance!!

We were starting to make some reasonable progress with independent sleep with our then 17 month old, but then I got pregnant and the first trimester symptoms just about killed me (figuratively) 🫠 This of course meant that I was a lot more absent as a parent and our toddler definitely noticed and it affected her sleep. She would wake crying overnight and wouldn’t let dad resettle her anymore so our only option then became having me cosleep with her on her floor bed so that we could all get a full nights sleep with minimal interruption. It’s now been almost 4 months of this and despite me now being out of my first trimester and feeling a lot better, I don’t want to stop cosleeping. It has honestly been the sweetest thing laying with my daughter until she falls asleep and cuddling with her overnight. It’s so obvious that this brings her so much comfort and safety and I don’t want to take that away from her but I know once the newborn comes, it will be exceedingly difficult if I’m still cosleeping with her 🥺

Not sure what I’m looking for here, but I’d love to read all of your cute cosleeping stories, and also any advice on how to manage this with a new baby on the way!

Our son was born on Monday at 35 weeks, and has been in the NICU since. His doctors are estimating he’ll be in for 2 weeks total, but of course that could change at any time in either direction. We came home 2 days ago, and while we go back to the hospital to visit him and hold him for an hour every day, I’m really struggling with having to be separated from him. Our first son was held constantly from birth, and it kills me that our second son’s experience is already so different. I didn’t leave our first son overnight until he was over a year old, and even then it was for a single night. I’ve been away from him maybe 6 nights total in 2.5 years, and I’ll have already been away from his little brother that many nights as of tomorrow.

Just wondering how other NICU parents have coped, especially those trying to practice attachment parenting. I know there’s so much more to AP than physical proximity, but it’s something I’m really struggling with right now.

I'm starting to think wake windows are a lie, not completely, but not fully true.

I was very focused with my WWs based on my boys age, however life gets in the way and sometimes he was up 1/2 to an hour longer. Id spiral as I hated him being overtired and he 100% got cranky.

We went through some terrible regressions of no proper sleep and I was asking reddit constantly for advice. Some worked some didnt. But now im finding myself questioning wake windows. I never put my son down earlier, only ever later as I dont want to force him to sleep before his ready, however the last two days the timings weren't working out so I just tried it. And he went, no stress, no pressure, just a peaceful feeding and then sleep. These WWs have been like 3 hrs. Sometimes 3hrs 15. But everything I read says 3.15/3.30/4

Since not being that arsed about timings it looks like its working better.

Idk, does anyone else feel like this?

I understand there is truth in a wake window because of babys needs to sleep but im now questioning the exact timings people are saying

*edit spellings

My son just turned 1 and wants ONLY me. At all times.

He used to be happy to be held by my dad, his godparents, my husband. Now he wants none of them. Only I may hold him, and if I give him to someone he will begin to cry and reach for me.

I cannot pee alone, take a shower, or even turn my back to reach for something. Instant crying. The other day I went to the kitchen to grab a tissue and he followed me, crying, and actually had a breath-holding spell! He fainted when he got to the threshold of the kitchen!! I freaked out!

After that, I sat down with my husband and worried if I'm doing attachment parenting wrong? I said I want my son to feel secure that I'll always be there for him. I want him to know that I'll come back.

Husband said he can't know that I'll come back if I never leave in the first place... yes, baby and I are together 24/7 but I'm a SAHM. And the times I did ask husband to watch son so I could venture out on my own, he refused because he's insecure in his parental abilities.

I am not upset that my baby loves me and wants to be around me. I'm upset that I can't shower, or even pee by myself without my baby sobbing and banging on the door like he thinks I've abandoned him.

How can I get him to be okay with being away from me so he can enjoy spending time with his dad or his uncles and aunts? And I REALLY want to go to the dentist. Can't get my teeth cleaned while holding a 1 year old.

Hello I’ve never posted so hopefully I’m doing this correctly. I’m trying to see if anybody by chance has a similar experience with their child. We went to the pediatrician and didn’t get any answers other than her behavior is abnormal but hopefully a phase my daughter will grow out of. I’m hoping that’s true but we are really struggling and if somebody else had a similar experience that would at least be helpful to know! Side note: he says he’s not concerned with her developmental wise and she’s doing great in that aspect so not related to that he said. He also checked ears, mouth, pushed on belly, listened to her and that was fine.

For the past month/ little over a month my daughter (18 months) is having these “episodes” (for lack of a better term). It used to be triggered right after a nap even if she got a good nap in where she will be inconsolably crying for 1-2 hrs and nothing will soothe her. Trust me we’ve tried it all. After the episode she will act back to normal playing and being okay. Lately it’s starting to be triggered by other things, sometimes diaper changes, bath time (she loves the pool currently and used to love baths), lotion being put on her, and today it was out of nowhere no trigger we can really see. Maybe because she didn’t get her way and have us pick her up? But it’s really a struggle when this has been happening most days of the week.

Any similar experiences or tips would be appreciated!

Soo it’s absolutely my husband and Is fault. We have potty mouths and we have been better about it recently but our two year old has chosen some words that he drops and uses in context. His favorite word is “b*tch” because he’s heard his dad use it in the car a lot (we live in Oklahoma with the worlds crappiest drives lol) and f*ck (this one is my fault. She used to be my fav curse word) but like I said, we are doing much better about watching our mouths and when we slip up we say “oh no. That wasn’t a good word, that’s an ugly word. We don’t use ugly words mama!” And make it to where he can hear it or my husband will say “mama that’s an ugly word! I think you can choose a nicer word” lol

But he still uses them or he’ll say “J said the B word” (that’s because of my younger siblings) and I’m at a loss. It’s entirely our fault, but he can’t call me a B word and just think that’s okay.

How would you handle this?

Hello, looking for some book recommendations for a 2year old - she is growing out of more simple picture books and I’m looking for books with 3-4 sentences on a page. She loves animals, but any good story suggestions would be very welcome!

Hi guys, I am a FTM to a 7.5 month old boy. Sleep has always been a challenge for our little boy. For example, he has only ever really contact napped (with the occasional pram/car nap) and he co-sleeps with me too (which I love btw). He is EBF. I want to create a safe and strong bond with my baby, I’ve always followed his cues and gone with the flow with co-sleeping etc. However my baby hit the ‘4 month sleep regression’ hard, and we haven’t ever really come out of it. I do a bedtime routine at around 7.30-8pm (he is exhausted at this point) and he goes asleep with a soother. However most nights he wakes every 30 minutes. We are very lucky if we get an hour stretch out of him. I usually feed him back to sleep, but sometimes this doesn’t work, and he can be awake for 2-3 hours in the middle of the night. I am posting here because I feel I have hit a huge wall in terms of fatigue and tiredness. Despite my husband trying to give me some time in the spare room, this generally doesn’t work as often baby will just want the boob when he wakes and my husband cannot sooth him. I don’t feel comfortable going down any sleep training route, but at the same time, but body feels like it is falling apart due to broken sleep for the past 3.5 months, and am finding I am really struggling to get through the day. Has anyone ever been through this kind of experience? I often hear of babies waking 2-3 times per night, but not to the extent that we are experiencing. He doesn’t nap excessively, and I’ve researched so much on wake windows/lots of playtime/avoiding excessive naps to support night sleep. I.e I feel I have done everything within my means, while still being there for him and supporting his needs. But nothing has worked and I’m at my wits end!! Please help

Last night, we were with family, and I responded to my teething 14 month old’s cries when he woke up in his bed. Apparently, when I left, my step-FIL said to everyone, “if she just stayed out here, he would stop crying.” He was saying I should just ignore my baby and leave him to cry alone and in pain.
It’s so frustrating hearing these kind of unsolicited comments from family members. Especially when he has a very strained relationship with his own children.
Anyone else relate?

Has anyone continued to follow this type of parenting with 3 under 3? We always envisioned waiting until my toddler was 3 to have a second, but it took less time than we thought the second time, and we got twins. They will be born when my son is 2 y 9 m.

Edit;; I feel so much better, I really appreciate this community and the quick replies. Thank you all so much ❤️ I'd love to keep hearing your experiences if you've got them!!

Hi folks :-) My boy is 22 months old and had his checkup the other day. We're in the US and his pediatrician pushed the usual stuff like sleep training and weaning around 12 months. We cosleep and I am still breastfeeding him for bedtime, and occasionally in the morning if I want to sleep in a little.

At his checkup, she said he can start potty training but said to wean him first. Well we've already been potty training, he actually told me he had to poop and we went to the potty last night and had a successful potty! It wasn't the first time he's gone in the toilet, but it was the first time he found me and told me beforehand.

My question is, did anybody here potty train before weaning? It's sounds silly typing it out because I know people still breastfeeding their 2.5 and 3 year olds, but I wanted to see what this community thinks. Do I need to wean asap before continuing the potty training?

Hi ladies, I am looking for some advice or guidance. For the first two years of my daughter’s life we lived in a new city with no village or support. I am a full time stay at home mom and my daughter is very attached to me and has never really been without me other than my mom watching her for a short time when she was in town visiting. Her dad works 80 hours a week and whenever I leave she gets really upset. She adjusts after about 10 minutes or so, but I have never left her with anyone she doesn’t know.

I just signed up at the park district gym to start working out because my mental health is not doing well. I know I need this and also deserve some time to take care of myself but I am absolutely terrified of how she is going to react to me leaving her at the daycare. I don’t go to church often but we went twice to my brothers church and even there she did not want me to leave. I try to explain it to her but she doesn’t want to accept that I am leaving and I feel bad if I sneak away. Any suggestions on how to go about this? I don’t know if the daycare will be overwhelmed if she is really upset either. I have social anxiety so going anywhere is really hard for me but I have to make a change and do something to try and help myself feel better.

My family basically tells me I made her this way because they tell me I don’t know how to separate from her. But my daughter and I were all each other had in a new city and as a first time mom these things just don’t come easy for me..

I feel so extremely hurt that this comment was made to me today that I just can’t move past it. I have a mothers helper that comes a few hours a week to watch my LO (who is 13 months old). The reason i even need the help is because I have no village other than my husband who works 60-70 hours a week and I have a very high needs clingy baby. Anyways, LO is currently teething and you can see her canines trying to come in. She is very sensitive to pain and her clinginess ramps up a lot when she’s teething. My helper comes in and tries to watch my LO, but she did not want to leave my side at all which is fine. I’m doing dishes, doing meal prep, trying to clean up with LO wanting me, so I quickly finish what I can to take her. When I grabbed her and said that we could cut the day a little short still with full pay, she made this comment…. Am I doing anything wrong here? Am I creating a monster? I truly dont believe I am and never questioned if I needed to hold/comfort my baby, but this comment has really blindsided me and made me think that maybe I’m doing too much? I’m just extremely hurt by what was said. Especially because you can obviously tell I’m struggling enough to need additional help and then to have someone say that she’s just going to be terrible in the future. And it kills me because she is the sweetest little baby I have ever met. EVER! Loves all people and animals and is truly such a light, she’s just VERY clingy and can get very whiny when she wants me. What’s some advice for high needs babies/toddlers? Or is there anything I can do/try to help her? Some days are really tough with the clinginess, but I always thought I was helping her by holding her when she wanted me. Now I’m just questioning everything I’ve ever done 😭

Hi there, this is my first time posting here so please bare with me.

For context, I am a first time mom to a beautiful baby boy (10 months old). Since he was born he had faced many issues that I guess are common but they have stripped me off the beautiful newborn experience mothers talk about. For starters he suffer extreme CMPA and then had reflux and colic. As a first time mom with no knowledge on these issues was traumatised. I honestly felt helpless and wanted to help my baby the best I could.

As he grew older he grew out of this but ever since he was born he has been a verg sensitive baby. Always wants to be held and needs me constantly. Don’t get me wrong I love the feeling of being wanted and thats just what motherhood is; being there for your little one. He has had some breif periods where he isn’t fussy and clingy but thats only 3 days or so and then he becomes very fussy.

I have tried figuring it out from teething to you name it and I have reccently found out that he is a high needs baby. Not like other high needs baby he isnt sensitive to specific things but i have noticed a couple of things: like he doesnt like certain texture of food.

He has never been a “good sleeper” and has never been great with his feeding ( which ik fluctuates as they teeth and have growth spurts). He also hates cuddling or just hugging but just wants to be carried around.

I kinda went with the flow and just try to respond to him at all times, if that means carrying him all day long. He is now 10 months old and still isnt a good sleeper ( low sleep need baby) and isnt very good with foods. He loves dinner and snacks on puffs and yogurt pouches but anything other than that he doesnt take. He doesnt like crawling around much and loves the outside and now that the weather is nice I pop outside whenever he is a bit cranky or overwhelmed.

I had to stop breastfeeding because its just overwhelming the night clustering (we cosleep) making his morning feeds little to nothing and then pumping isnt an option as I can not sit and pump even, he gets very upset and just wants me to carry him. And so I switched to formula to help make it a little easy on me.

This has been effecting my mental health as I keep thinking of his sleeping and eating ( he isnt great with drinking his milk and wont finish a bottle in one sitting only 2-3 oz formula and then drinks the rest once he wakes up) he doesnt like cuddles or affection but wants to be clung to me all the time. I keep saying its a phase and he needs me rn but with time its like everything has become more difficult. He is very cranky and screams all the time i put him down. This is making me not enjoy motherhood and to be honest reconsider having another baby.

I need some tips and help from any moms who have been through this. Ik it gets better but i need some advice. I would love some tips for the food and milk. Im really concerned about his health and have bookes an appointment with a dietitian but still would love some help. And really need some tips for comforting my high needs baby without hating motherhood or feeling drained.

P.S. his sleeping has improved since montoring his nap lengths and giving a nice dinner and switching to formula milk. He has reccently started doing 4-5 hr and occasionally a 5 1/2 - 6 hr stretch.

Hi everyone, I’ve seen a couple posts on this but still don’t know what’s the right answer or what to do.

I’ve been cosleeping with my toddler since he was about one. It wasn’t my intention but after months of unsuccessful sleep training and constant wake-ups it just evolved into this to get somewhat decent sleep. My husband would sleep with him, but toddler really just wants me, especially for the going to sleep part. Sometimes he’s okay to wake up w my husband next to him but most of the time, no.

He starts school in September (pre k3 in nyc) so I was already hoping he’d sleep better then and have a better schedule and this could be the resolution.
I’m due with my second in October, right before my toddler turns 3.

Do I try to transition him to sleep alone before then? How does that work at this age, if so?
Should I try to continue cosleeping with him and newborn? Or do I get him used to sleeping with my husband? My main fear is my toddler resenting the newborn bc of this if it means us not sleeping tighter or always waking him up.
Or do I just roll the dice and see what happens in the fall? Any thoughts/advice/personal anecdotes welcome. Thanks!

Bit of a long story but I just don’t know what to do.
We have a 3 year old and a 4 year old girl together, due to be married in a few months. However I just don’t know what to do as he has made big changes but still is often angry and reactive and I get consumed by stress from it. Such awful negative feelings. I am a stay home mum and have had a very hard time, both births traumatic, endo which I got a hysterectomy for last year at 30, my youngest still wakes all night from reflux and I haven’t slept more than 3 straight hours in 4.5 years. But my girls are so wonderful I adore them.
My partner uses to get very annoyed and triggered by them crying as babies, hated me being too ‘soft’ on them which was just me giving them love, he has multiple times gone into a fit of rage (one time kicking and throwing a wheelie bin at the house when I angered him) , he fought me about wanting to smack the children even as babies, he used to swear terrible words in the face of our newborn when she wouldn’t stop crying , etc. sounds awful when I write it. He has made good changes from that in recent times with my help as I know he truly doesn’t want to act that way. However he does sometimes get angry yelling and swearing when the 3 year old wakes crying and it makes us so stressed I really hate it. He apologises and says he is disappointed in himself after. I am still broken from my own father having anger outbursts and I am so sick about my girls turning out the same. I guess I am wondering, is it not good of course but good that he is working on dozing his anger? Or am I normalizing this because of my past I really don’t know. He loves our girls so much I know that. He had a very abusive childhood. Is it just a waiting game for him to fully stop this negativity? Whenever I bring things up he is immediately defensive and it puts me in an unbearable level of stress in my body. I appreciate any advice. And I simply could not manage 50/50 custody I could never be away from my girls like that.

So, I have a 2 year old and a soon to be 10 month old who is ebf. My fiancé (and father of my girls) are getting married and planning our bachelor/bachelorette parties.
I have planned mine around bringing my youngest. I said only one night away, and not too far… because I haven’t been away from my 2 year old that long either.

My fiancé really wants me to leave both girls with him so I can enjoy myself, but it makes me extremely anxious just thinking about it.

He said he would ask my mom to come over and help with night time because I can barely handle bedtimes on my own, and that makes me feel a bit better.

By the time the weekend rolls around my youngest will be 11 months, and she eats solids great and sleeps mostly through the night. The only thing is I nurse her to sleep every night.

Am I overthinking this? One night away doesn’t seem horrible but I feel like a bad mom for leaving my breastfeeding baby for 2 days. Which I would never say about anyone else but for me it feels bad.

Would love to hear others opinions! Thank you for reading!

I’m the last person in the world I ever thought would SCREAM at my angel child, my whole world, the actual love of my life, my everything. But now I’m the person I hate. The worst version of myself. I’m so upset and confused.

I’m going to try to make this as concise as possible but I feel like some context is helpful.

I have a 2 year 9 month old & a 6 week old. The 2.9 year old is incredibly bright, loving, affectionate, sweet as can be, securely attached, absolutely delightful.

As expected, when new baby came we had some behavior changes that seemed like an appropriate response to her world being flipped upside down. Some defiance, regression, whatever. Compassion. Grace. All the things❤️ No problem.

The last couple of weeks, I’m at a “gentle/respectful/compassionate/attachment parenting” loss on how to appropriately address the defiance. I’m talking about defiance regarding safety things: running up the stairs without an adult, continuing to walk into the street after saying (yelling) STOP; kicking down the baby mirror in the backseat so I can see the newborn after explaining with respect and clarity WHY mommy needs the mirror to see baby sister (reflux and driving anxiety for me for context here) — This child is just not listening. Not a budge. Nothing helps. Today, I was so sleep deprived (both babies are on my boob all night, I’ve tried to get the toddler to respect the boundaries but she screams and cries hysterically and is up all night if I don’t give her boob) and anxious while driving both girls by myself that when she continued to kick the baby mirror off away from facing the baby, I screamed her name at the top of my lungs. Immediately felt sick to my stomach. The other day, she ran up the staircase by herself (against our rules) while I was holding the newborn and couldn’t chase her, and I yelled. I cannot make this a habit. Now I’m scared I am.

Please give me advice on how to stay gentle, calm, steady, compassionate while enacting necessary “stops” and boundaries. I truly pick my battles (wanna wear your nightgown to the library? Cool, let’s do it. Want a new banana cuz I cut it wrong? No prob, let’s do it.) but there are these certain things where I get so frustrated BECAUSE I give her so much freedom, autonomy, choice, a long leash. I just want a little respect. A little cooperation. For the times it matters.

Help.

I’m trying so hard but I feel like I’m getting it all wrong. Have I been too permissive? Have I ruined everything by yelling? 💔

Baby is 11wks old.
During the day if I’m home alone and try put him in bassinet,nest he will scream only wants to be held but then still cry’s when bring held some times even when his napping on me will start sobbing wake up then need dummy to settle back in sleep
When some one else is in the house he is quite happy to be put down whether by them or me & can lay in his basinet awake for half hour just playing kicking about or on his piano gym
This makes most days for me really hard because I can’t get anything done & struggle to get ready to get out of the house because I’m alone my partner works

Does anyone no why this happens and how to help it how I can get him down more often during the day independently without having to carry him around 24-7

We are working on day basinet naps, I put him down once asleep sometimes he will last 20min which is progress as before a few wks ago he would cry instantly when transfered or after few mins

And how long do u think they should be held per day/carrier/contact nap and how long is good amount of time for him to be in bassinet/play mat etc per day awake? I also feel guilty leaving him in bassinet awake if I want to make lunch cos I feel like he may feel ignored :(