r/AttachmentParenting

Looking for some perspective from parents who’ve been through a rough sleep phase without using Ferber or Cry-It-Out.
Our 8.5-month-old was never a particularly long sleeper. Pre-regression, she was waking up every 2 hours, but we could usually get a solid 3-4 hour stretch if she slept on one of us.
Over the last week or two, things have gotten significantly harder:
Hourly wakeups: She's up every 45 to 60 minutes pretty much all night.
Contact sleep isn't working: Holding her used to be our reliable backup, but now she just thrashes and fights if we try to cuddle her to sleep.
Standing independently: She recently learned to crawl and pull up, but now she’s standing completely unsupported in the middle of her crib at night. She seems to pop right up between sleep cycles and then doesn't know how to get back down comfortably.
Snoo history: She was in the Snoo until around 6 months, so moving to a stationary crib is still a relatively recent shift for her.
We really don't want to use Ferber, CIO, or any method that involves leaving her to cry alone in the crib. We're feeling pretty exhausted trying to navigate the constant wakeups and the lost safety net of contact sleeping.
If you had a high-needs sleeper who went through a major motor leap like this:
What gentle or hands-on techniques helped calm them down when they kept standing up in the crib?
How did you help them figure out how to sit back down on their own during the day?
How long did it take for their sleep to settle back down after learning to balance and stand?
Appreciate any practical experiences or low-cry strategies that worked for your family.

I generally redirect and praise the behavior we want to see. But my recently turned 2 yr old will get into this mode where getting down on his level, telling him "we are not doing xyz, we can do this instead. next time you do it consequence xyz" does not work; he will continue doing said behavior.

My emotions were already high strung yesterday which I am sure is what got him in this mode (they truly mirror our internal so well)... he kept throwing hard items. At one point, I just snapped and put him in our bedroom and closed the door. I know the time out rule is usually 1 minute per year but I couldn't stand hearing the way he cried for anymore than 30 seconds. I tried it two more times and I realized this is not for us... upon further reflection, I realized itis recommended to stay in the room with them during time out but I think at that moment I blanked out on that and wanted the space (in which I usually walk away to the room by myself till I cool off).

I apologized to him, and told him it was something I thought we should try out but I would not do it again. We hugged and cried together.

This morning he woke up from his nap crying, and I think it was from the time out yesterday. He has gotten to the point where he just calls out for me when he wakes (or at most whines) but this was full blown crying.

I further apologized and told him I would not do that again. He just said his "yeah" like he usually does when we have a moment like this. I explained to him that the painting of the lil bird in our bedroom is there and is a reminder ai am close by (what I originally told him when he first started getting upset with me not there)

But oh boy... did that hurt my heart. We coslept since birth, still babywear and he has never taken a bottle. I would hope to say our attachment is strong and a move like that reallt effected him.

Posting just to rant and to maybe get some reassurance. TIA

I read a lot of parenting research - Books, blogs and research articles (courtesy this sub and r/SciencebasedParenting). I tried to absorb the important findings - Summarised important findings, made notes, discussed with my partner. However, I still had issues with executing them in the moment, and applying them into my routine (even the ones which are done in a calm period). Connect before redirect, name feelings, recognise their effort, problem solve, reflect and repair, modelling good behaviour and many more. We also created a few activities which could help us absorb the learnings - we created quizzes for each other. “If our child is crying over a broken toy, which move is suitable that time?”, “If we want to schedule a problem solving talk, what is the best time?”, “If our child is crying over a lost game, how do we teach them to express their feelings?” Our methods got better over time. We started discussing what we say may be perceived by our child. When we lecture them or explain things, what are they thinking at that time? When we are giving empty threats, what are they imagining? It helped in reducing the tendency to lecture them. We started seeing clearly why something works and why it doesn’t. We also started discussing how we can identify what triggered a meltdown - Hunger, overwhelm, tiredness, lack of skills, missing us. It required a lot of work. Brainstorming, recalling, mapping, and yes chatGPT helped in giving us content and situations and thinking ahead. It hasn’t made us ideal parents, but I think our parenting methods have improved. 

My 13 month old is a horrible sleeper. We have only ever contact napped because she cannot connect her sleep cycles for naps. We co sleep and she still comfort nurses every 2 hours at night. We are determined never to sleep train and family always has horrible things to say to us about this. They always make comments on how something must be wrong because she should be sleeping through the night. In my heart I know I’m doing the right thing by building her healthy attachment. But sometimes I need a reminder. My step mom made a comment today and I’m just feeling down on myself. Words of encouragement are appreciated.

Hi everyone,

I'm posting (probably being silly) because of a comment made by a friend of a friend that my child (7 month old) might be "confused" and not have a secure attachment. I had done some research on secure attachment when I was pregnant and had felt confident because I knew my husband and I were on the same page in that I would EBF as long as seemed best for me and baby, we both don't want to sleep train and love to babywear. I guess the only attachment parenting tenant we don't do is bed-sharing (we room-share). We also comfort our daughter whenever she needs and both love to cuddle and snuggle her whenever she wakes up in the night - then I will generally nurse her back to sleep.

Here's where a comment came in: My husband and I both work full time, we have to and want to to afford live in our city. We have a lot of family help and we have a 9-5 nanny five days per week. The nanny is a relative of my husband and in his culture/immigrant community it's common for cousins or in-laws to step in and help with childcare (we also pay her a good full time wage), this to say that our nanny is both AMAZING and I believe she truly also loves my daughter and loves spending time with her. Her own boys are grown now and I know she adores loving on my daughter. Her personality is also very fun and Mary Poppins-esque. My husband is also a very doting dad and when he's not at the office he's always playing/changing/cuddling our daughter and tries to get as much face time in with her as he misses her so much during the days. I WFH so I'm always home and I EBF but our nanny is the one looking after her on the week days, she brings her in to me for feeding and we also get about 30 mins together on nannies lunch break.

Our baby seems to like us all but not prefer one person to another, this initially stung for me her mother as I kind of thought being the food source would make her prefer me. A person made a comment that she didn't think she could form a secure attachment with three equal caregivers and now I feel really sad; she doesn't look for me when I leave a room (or anyone really) she equally smiles at as all and isn't stressed at handover or anything like that. I know at 7 months it may be coming for me but I was feeling so confident about the environment that we are working so hard to provide for our girl might not be right? I'm confused and also I just got my period back lol so maybe I am hormonal!

My husband thinks that only neglected babies don't for secure attachments and that the person who made the comment is jealous of all the support I/we have but now I can't get it out of my mind.

EDIT: Wow thankyou to everyone for your kind and knowledgable comments - it has made my week!

Context: nasty custody battle, kiddo was away from me for a year (not my choice), he just turned 11, we're working through the neglect/vague abuse he went through during that time (Dad's girlfriend makes me want to puke tbh), he chose to have the only bedroom in the basement as his dad's house (my best friend explained how it was to be the "basement brother"), he feels unwanted and unheard at Dad's, he's struggling with confidence and appropriate assertion, and now he can't stand being alone. These weren't issues we had before the bs we're going through now; this is new behavior.

I don't mind him sleeping with me. I'm slowly making him do more independent things when it comes to bedtime like brushing his teeth/hair by himself (which was totally normal before this bs) and falling asleep by himself (I'm in the living room, so he knows I'm close).

Has anyone had/heard of a similar experience? He can't sleep through the night without me. Nightmares, thrashing in his sleep, talking in his sleep, falling out of bed, the whole cake and eating it, too. I don't want to f*ck my kid up . He has his own room, but he truly wants to sleep with me.

Like I said, I don't mind it. But can someone reassure me it's okay? Or give me advice on what to do if it's not?

It's my first time being alive and I am terrified of making mistakes with my kiddo.

EDIT: I failed to mention he is in individual therapy and therapy with me.

Any advice on partial night weaning?

I've coslept with my 17mo since he was born, but the current sleep patterns have become unsustainable (I work during the day now so have to be fully functional for the work day and have a chronic ailment that becomes worse when tired).

He falls asleep nursing for both his nap and bedtime and usually stays asleep for 3 hours once asleep. I then nurse him and the only way he stays asleep is if he's on the breast. If I unlatch he wakes up again after 30-40 minutes. To add to this, he is also a nipple twiddler so twists and twiddles my nip all night long while nursing.

I haven't made any serious attempt at night weaning yet but it's become too much and I need to make some changes. What have others done in this situation? I'd love to ideally keep cosleepig and nurse once at 11pm and then once at 5am. Do I just say no on between when he wakes up and offer ccuddles instead? Tried this once or twice and he screamed his head off. But maybe perseverance is the way?

My daughter is one year old and what I have been calling a “high sensory input sleeper”. She spent her first year in a bassinet then cradle. Since the day she was born she has only slept through the night twice. For the first year she was up 5-12 times a night, needing to bf to go back to sleep most times. For every nap and bedtime she needs heavy rocking and she vocal stims, and it usually takes 15min+ (sometimes closer to an hour at bedtime). Finally at a year we started to practice safe cosleeping. She still stirs 3-5 times a night now and will usually have latch herself to get herself back asleep - I don’t think fully awake probably just stirring. Occasionally she will go back with a shush and some pats but usually that just wakes her more. (She is getting about 11-12 good hours now, and is far ahead of all her milestones so the dr says it seems like she’s getting enough sleep). She sleeps the whole night with one body part touching both my partner and I each. She also sleeps much better with contact naps. Without she wakes in about 20 mins and can’t get back down. All this combined with some other behaviors when awake (hates stroller, car seat, and carrier, always wants to be held or in a lap, some other things) makes me believe she probably is very high on the scale of needing a lot of sensory input and a “Velcro baby”.

When I talk to other parents I know with babies or who have older children, they don’t sound like they have anywhere near as hard a time with sleep - even long before any sort of sleep training they fall asleep pretty easily and on their own and wake maybe 1-2 times and fall back with a gentle pat and sush.

Yet the conversation always centers around me having my no cry it out boundaries because I’m just extreme. Even my partner has been pretty angry with me, blaming me specifically for the lack of sleep. (I have done all nights since about 3 months bc of this). In my instincts and knowing my daughter I just feel like her need for touch and co-regulation is a genuine physical need akin to hunger - and I don’t feel comfortable as a caretaker not meeting a physical need of my baby.

For context, my hard line with my child is no cry it out and nothing where a bonded caretaker doesn’t respond to her cries for help. I have searched high and low and am pretty certain I have tried literally every single other method, hint, tip and trick that exists. From schedule, to intense activity before bed, to sleeping in another room while my non-bf partner tries to put her down - even to eating a bit of butter before bed - we’ve tried it all!

Anyways, I’m wondering if anyone has had a similar experience with their child and if my circle of friends is right - am I being unreasonable?

My little one turned 1y 2.5 weeks ago and in the last month or so we have been gradually and gently reducing breastfeeds, starting with taking out daytime feeds at random intervals, then feeds for naps, then the feed for bedtime. Leaving us still feeding twice throughout the night currently, usually 11pm and 2-3am.

Last night we really attempted the 11pm wake up (which was actually more like 10pm last night) resettle with no feed. It was horrific. Husband went in and managed to resettle after 30 mins but then he woke again, another struggled resettle but for like 5-10 mins and then I went in before husband reached the end of his tether, he was SCREECHING like i was torturing him by cuddling him without giving the boob. Like as if he would lose his voice and was almost gagging. I did this for an hour, gradually getting him to where he was quiet and calm but would keep crying again and getting unsettled. Drafted husband back in who got him really settled and asleep but he woke on the transfer into the cot and neither of us could do it anymore. Ended up feeding him to sleep at 12:30am, then he woke again 4:20am for a feed and back to sleep til 6:40am.

It feels so wrong. It’s like torture for him. And ending up feeding him back to sleep at 12:30am anyway felt like i’d put him through all that for nothing in the end.

I’m so ready to be done breastfeeding and husband and I are supposed to be away for a few nights next weekend (first time being away from this baby). I thought he would cope well like he did for the daytime feeds, maybe a little harder but i didn’t expect this. Are we just supposed to do this every night until he gives up?

My 18 month old has never been a good sleeper, but we've slowly been finding our way.

Starting aroudn 12m u​ntil about 3 weeks ago, she would go to bed in her floor bed with me nursing her to sleep, then sleep most of the way through the night most nights.

Then about 3 weeks ago she started cutting her canines and hit her 18-month sleep regression​, and now every single night it is 2 to 3 hours of playing around, visibly exhausted, getting increasingly agitated and rough with my body, and once she finally does fall asleep, she wakes up at 2:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m.

She is also regressing on biting, so these bedtime situations are exacerbated me standing up so she can't access my boobs anymore for a couple of minutes after she bites.

Naps have become complete chaos, she used to be routinely going to sleep at 11:30 a.m. and now sometimes she will pass out in the living room at 11:30, and other times she will fight sleep as hard as she can until she doesn't go down for her nap until 3:00.

I am the primary earner in our family and because I'm still nursing, the primary one putting her to sleep. We have a consistent calm bedtime routine, she doesn't do any screen time, and her room stays dark at night.

At this point, my work, my health, and My overall psychological well-being are all suffering because I am spending somewhere around 4-5 hours a day, just sitting in a room with a toddler who refuses to sleep and that is time that I needed for work or rest.

At this point I'm starting to consider just putting a crib in her room and doing ferber method, which I have been staunchly opposed to doing because I value attachment parenting and I really enjoy cuddles with her, and the fact that she needed me to sleep wasn't a problem... But the fact that she needs me to be in the room while she refuses to sleep and completely loses her mind if I leave before she's passed out, is.

Help!

Why does it feel like everyone has an opinion about how I should raise my baby? And why does it always seem like, no matter what I choose, I’m somehow doing something wrong?
I practice safe co-sleeping with my baby. I love breastfeeding him to sleep, and no, he doesn’t sleep through the night. I completely understand that doctors have a responsibility to give parents medical information and explain safety recommendations. I want that information, and I value it. What is difficult is when it feels like the conversation goes beyond providing information and becomes judgment about the choices I make as his mother. I’ve even had doctors look at me with what felt like obvious disapproval.
Then there are the opinions from family. According to my MIL, I hold my baby too much and don’t allow him to be independent. But I watch him crawl, explore, play, and become more curious about the world every day. And yes, while he’s doing all of that, he still comes back to me and asks to be held. I don’t see anything wrong with that.
My MIL has repeatedly told me that I need to let everyone in the family hold him so that he can become more social. There was even an occasion when she physically stopped me from touching my own baby because she thought my smell would wake him up. Moments like that make me feel as though everyone else believes they have a say over my baby, while somehow my own wishes as his mother matter less.
I’m exhausted from constantly hearing about everything I’m supposedly doing wrong.
I genuinely love being with my baby. I enjoy him every single day, even on the difficult days. Yet people constantly tell me that I “need a break.” Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like they’re offering to help me. It feels like they’ve decided for me that I need to be separated from my baby, and that they should be able to take him somewhere without me because I’m apparently too attached or “obsessed” with him.
What makes all of this harder is everything we went through together.
My baby was born at 27 weeks. I spent eight weeks in the NICU, and so much of that experience was incredibly lonely. During those eight weeks, my MIL visited once, and during that visit she told me that spending so much time at the hospital could negatively affect my relationship with her son.
Meanwhile, that hospital, the place where my tiny baby was fighting to grow and come home, was sometimes the place where I felt the least alone. There were nurses and doctors there who listened to me, talked to me, and made me feel understood in ways I wasn’t always feeling outside of the hospital.
Maybe that experience is part of why I treasure being close to my baby so much now. I know how it feels to leave the hospital without him. I know how it feels to have to ask permission to hold him, to watch other people care for him, and to go home without my baby in my arms.
Now he’s here. He crawls. He explores. He smiles, plays, learns, and grows. And when he wants his mom, I want to be there.
I’m not saying I know everything. I’m not saying I’ll never make mistakes. And I’m not saying that I don’t want advice, especially when it comes to his health and safety.
I’m just tired of feeling like loving my baby, responding to him, holding him, breastfeeding him, and wanting to be with him are things I constantly have to defend.
I just want to know that I’m not the only mother who feels this way, and that choosing closeness with my baby doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong.

I wrote a post here a few weeks ago when my son started daycare. He’s 14 months and I realize that’s a hard age but it’s what we thought would be best for a number of logistical reasons. Well, he’s still crying a lot and it’s hard to tell how much but they say at pickup that he was “some sad, some happy” which idk doesn’t feel reassuring. Even if he’s only crying half the time that’s 3.5 hours in a day!

He hasn’t had any changes in sleeping or eating at home since starting, but he is definitely crankier after pickup. How do I know if this is harming him or if it’s just part of the normal transition? And even if it’s normal, is it healthy? I wanted him to learn structure and social skills, but maybe he’s just not ready.

Also, I do have a variable work schedule. My work has always been important to me but now that I know my son is upset it feels secondary. I will never get this time back with him at this age. If I pulled him out I would need to rearrange a few things, but I think I could do it. I thought part time daycare would help me find balance and improve my mental health by getting a break, but so far it’s actually done the opposite. I feel stressed and depressed about it the whole time he is there.

This would put more of a burden on my husband, though. Currently he has a very stressful job and daycare lets him come home and rest for an hour or two before picking him up, instead of immediately taking over while I go to work. We also would have to rely on grandparents here and there which we are fortunate to have and they are willing and happy to step in. But I wouldn’t be able to just call them up in a hurry if something changes. We wouldn’t have a cushion. I would be essentially working full time and being a sahm and last year I loved it but I had downsized my work schedule on purpose to stay with the baby. This schoolyear I planned to have daycare and accepted more clients etc and have more responsibilities.

I know this is a personal decision but I am just so torn. What do you think? Do I stick it out and hope it gets better? At what point would it be better to pull the plug?

Ok there’s no other way to slice it. My poor 11 week old is just the most miserable baby. Every week I try to be positive and think this one might be better, but we remain in this same state of misery. She has gotten slightly better. Instead of screaming 98% of the time her eyes are open, it’s more like 75% of the time. But I’m really feeling like every week that she doesn’t turn into a happier baby, the more and more it’s affecting my mental health.
I’ve tried reflux meds, gas drops, hypoallergenic formula, elimination diets, bottle feeding expressed milk, all of the gas exercises I can find, baby wearing, chiropractor, craniosacral therapy, extra visits to the pediatrician to troubleshoot, etc. I guess she just hates her life? I’m really not sure what the problem is but I feel like I need a week/month to look forward to so I can focus my mind on something. So please tell me when your unhappy newborn started doing better.

My 9-month-old used to sleep through the night until around 8 months old. Since then, he has completely stopped sleeping through the night. He co-sleeps with us, but now he wakes up almost every hour. I haven’t changed his bedtime routine, so I’m not sure what happened or why his sleep suddenly changed. I don’t understand how he went from sleeping through the night to now waking up constantly. I’m extremely sleep deprived and exhausted. I’m also pregnant again, which makes the lack of sleep even harder to manage. I’ve barely gotten any sleep over the past 2 months, maybe even 3 months, and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to understand what could be causing this and how I can help him sleep through the night again. Does it ever get better?..

Dear moms,

I’m not a mom yet but curious about what you bought to put a sleeping baby.

I’ve seen my sister n cousins bought a crib for baby thinking about future, but baby doesn’t sleep in crib and all of them ended up co sleeping.

Also, there are high chances of baby’s hands/feet getting stuck in crib and they just jump out of it when they are big enough. Ultimately they ended up selling/giving away cribs n been co-sleeping with babies.

I saw a cradle which swings n with mosquito net, to put baby to sleep. I really liked it, but apparently we can use only till one n half n two years. Considering babies grow up super fast, is it worth buying?

Also, what bedding do you use for your babies n pros n cons of it. I’m really clueless and curious as well. Please educate me 🙏

My husband doesn’t fully understand attachment parenting or why I’m doing it. He’s given me pushback on EBF, co sleeping and nursing to sleep, etc. Our daughter was barely a week old, I couldn’t sit down comfortably (4th degree tear) and he was already trying to go out to eat just the two of us. I also had bad PPA for the first few months, and honestly still don’t like leaving her. I’m full force on attachment parenting, I’m beyond happy doing it, I’m happiest when I’m with her and don’t feel like I’ve ever needed a “break” from her.

He’s been pushing for date nights and we’ve done a few to make him happy. Now, he’s talking about doing trips without her. I’m not at alllllllll comfortable with that. He said he’d like a day with no responsibilities and I can honestly say I don’t get it, I don’t feel the same way. We’re in it right now, and I’m happy to be in it. I’ve fully embraced motherhood for all its beauty and sacrifice. I feel like he doesn’t feel the same way and it’s devastating. He says he loves being a dad, but he’s always reminiscing on our pre-baby life. He thinks I’m crazy for how I mother and in all fairness, becoming a mom changed me tremendously. I am not at all the same person I was.

I love this phase, I want to talk about going on trips with her and the things we can do as a family. While he has so many great qualities, I feel like my husband has been the hardest part of parenting. Has anyone else experienced this?

Baby is 7 months right now and of course she‘s always wildly flapping her hands around, grabbing at things and pulling my hair. Yesterday during her dinner, she was happy screaming at the top of her lungs, so I tried telling her to not be so crazy loud since it was hurting my ears. When did you feel like your baby started to understand when you told them no, no hitting, no hair pulling or screaming like a banshee? How soon does it even make sense to start having these boundaries? I‘m asking because I‘m not sure how much control she has yet over the little slappies 😂

My little boy is 14 months old and only falls asleep by being walked around the room over and over whilst I sing to him. He still wakes a few times a night (average about 3 times) and we respond to every wake up and do the walking/singing til he falls asleep. Occasionally he has self settled - but it’s quite rare.

My issue is that he’s getting really heavy and our backs are hurting from all this walking and carrying him to sleep. I want to be a responsive parent and be there for him, I’ve never wanted to sleep train him but I really would like for him to be able to fall asleep in his cot by me just either patting or stroking him

He has strong emotions and is not one who can calm down quickly. I’ve tried putting him in his cot and reassuring / comforting him that way but he gets angry and scream cries.

Any advice? Or will I be still walking him to sleep when he’s 3 years old lol. My poor back 🙃

I am passionate about attachment parenting. We co-sleep, side lying breastfeeds throughout the night and naps, baby wearing and I respond to every cry. I also have bad PPA which I am receiving support for/taking medication for.

However, my 10 month old cries quite literally whenever they are on the floor and not touching me in some way. It’s not a whinge or a small cry, it’s an intense cry that gets louder until I cave and pick them up. It’s even worse when on tummy.

Baby has not learned or attempted to crawl, pull to stand or move around independently apart from pivoting in circles on their bottom.

I believe this is because they get no quality independent time on the floor. Ever. I’ve got a PT coming fortnightly to help with activities and exercises and they just hysterically cry the whole time.

I rush through self care basics like brushing my teeth or having a shower, and can barely get chores done unless baby wearing or doing it one handed.

There has to be a middle ground here? Not only am I worn out, but I am genuinely concerned about how my baby will ever learn to move.

Has anybody else got, or previously had a similar age gap? We have also just moved 5 hours away last week which I know is contributing to it, and I know it’s A LOT for him. I have a 7 week old.

Almost 3 year old is going through A LOT with this change. He’s become sooooo impossible and unbearable so much of the time but occasionally it turns into sadness instead of anger and that breaks my heart when it does. Before I had to pick him up and leave somewhere (as I had warned him I was going to if he didn’t go to the toilet as he keeps holding it literally all day until he almost has an accident or does have an accident if he doesn’t get there in time. Won’t wear a pull up either just wants to hold it) if he didn’t go to the toilet as I wasn’t risking him having an accident either in the car on the way home or at the place - I feel like the why we left is kind of irrelevant anyway. And he was upset because he wanted to go back in and I said we could if he went for a wee. Long story short he was just sobbing for like 40 minutes before we could actually get in the car and I know that it was only a little bit because he wanted to go back in, and actually mostly because his whole world has fucking crumbled. I had tears rolling out because I just felt so heartbroken for him.

Will this get better? Have I completely ruined his life? I feel AWFUL. He was okay after but then at quiet time he just led in his bed for like an hour before he fell asleep instead of playing with his toys like he normally does. And really I know that he was probably just tired and that’s why he did that but that’s just made me feel even more sad for him.

At the moment I can’t really take him anywhere to have 1-1 time without the baby. I know some people pump and give bottles but I just don’t and I just have babies that don’t do well without me for a while. In a few months I know that will be different and I will do it when it’s more appropriate. I do still take him everywhere and until we moved we still did everything we used to - these are new things now which I know is also a difficult thing for him to process. This morning we were at a play cafe for example.

Really hoping there are some parents here with similar age gap that may have gone through something similar - I feel that if they were closer together it would have been waaaaaay harder in some ways (the transition for me has actually been a breeze apart from this) but easier in others and he just knows everything now and these feelings are so huge at this age. Where we moved house when he was 18 months old and it was literally fine.