Do you say no to your toddler wanting to be held?
Hi all,
Looking for some opinions on a situation which is leaving me divided. I didn't know about attachment parenting before having my daughter but from basically everything I've ever seen here it fits with my instinctive parenting style.
My daughter is very attached to me specifically (sahm) and wants to be held a lot of the time. She's 21 months and has had phases of wanting to walk around in public (which were honestly so heavenly because she'd stay nearby and just hang out with me and omg I miss it) but generally speaking she has always wanted me to hold her - "please see mummy"/"please pick up". She'll be independent at home on her own terms but for short spells before she wants to be included in what I'm doing or for me to come back and play. She loves painting and stickers which she generally does in the high chair with me sat next to her but she reaches a limit and suddenly won't engage anymore because she wants me to hold her. At toddler groups she'll walk around on her own some of the time but she typically asks that I carry her over to the area/toy she wants and if I don't she will just stand with her arms around my neck.
We're just at the beginning of the proper toddler emotions and today she had a meltdown because she wanted me to hold her while I was cooking. This is something I've done in the past but I have back problems and I just can't do it now so I said she had to stay in her tower, at which point she started sticking her leg out unsafely on purpose to get me to pick her up.
I didn't want to reward that so I put her on the floor after she'd done it multiple times and told her I'd be with her when I was finished (it was maybe 1-2 minutes). I'm really torn on this. Reading what I've written so far, part of me thinks I treated her awfully and punished her for being loving and wanting to see me, but on the other hand I really don't want to drift into permissive parenting. I don't struggle to hold boundaries when she can't have/do something like buy snacks in a shop or keep playing with a toy after we've put it away. Her little meltdowns, while I feel for her, don't hurt my heart when I know it's part of her learning and growing. But when the thing she wants is to be with her mummy... I don't know. She's still so tiny - it feels natural still that she wants to be close. But equally she needs her tea making and I can't do both. Worth noting that if I go down to her level and sit with/cuddle her it's not much better as she specifically wants to be picked up.
So what do people think? Do you say no to holding your toddlers and if so at what age did it start?