u/EkyllViolet

I always see people giving their testimonies, and sooner today I saw one again, of a person saying that they met Christ and changed and got better than before. Then, they said that if you don't feel like that, you should give up on everything to try and find Christ, but is that possible?

I try to be a better christian every single day, I fail and I forget some stuff, but I'm consistently talking to God like prayer, but it just doesn't seem I'm a good Christian, or that I'm going to heaven. I also don't normally feel inclined for spiritual things even though I go and do it nonetheless. Do I love the world way too much, and can't be saved, as I saw people say?

I just want to love Jesus and live for Him but I don't know how to find Him

I'm always trying my best to follow God and do stuff correctly, even though I fail, I still try to do everything I need in order to be saved. But sometimes, I see many people saying many things that we need to do and all that and it makes my anxiety explode within my head.

The thing is, I've seen people saying that everything you put above God is an idol, and I agree completely, but if I pray to God to help me with these problems and anxiety, and then go watch a video on YouTube that calms my mind, am I making YouTube or the video an idol?? Is that wrong, should I not do it, or if it helps me calm down it's ok??

Just saw a video about a guy saying that Michael Jackson is in hell, and that a girl had a vision while in a coma with him there. Then, he said everything music-related is demonic, including pop, rock, all types of music.

I am not too worried about if I should or not listen to those musics because to be honest, I don't even listen to much music anymore, I focus on God more than that. But what really made me shake a little bit was the fact that he said all of that, even said that Michael Jackson was suffering every time someone heard one of his songs. Is that possible? Are the demons already in hell, os are they gonna be thrown in there in the end times? I'm really confused because I don't know if they really had such a vision, or if that could be potential legalism, or the truth, what are your opinions on that? All types of music are diabolical, even instrumental ones, or something like Skillet, being metal but having worshipping lyrics?

I've been studying a lot about predestination and stuff like that and I don't seem to believe on it fully. I know God has the chosen people like the 12 disciples, but what about all the others who believed in Christ, did they get saved too?

Many say that only the chosen ones from God will be saved, how Christ's sacrifice was enough for everyone but only useful for the chosen ones and I can't stand to believe that because it seems pretty egotistical for me. I want the most people to be saved, including my family and the ones I love, does believing in that mean even though I try and pray everyday, some of them can't be saved? Some people just WON'T be saved anyways???

It's making me go crazy, what if I'm not one of the saved people then?

I've been feeling down lately because I don't seem to grasp correctly what God wants or means with Christ's sacrifice. I have scrupulosity/religious OCD and a lot of anxiety, and I've reading my Bible and studying a lot and all that, but I can't seem to agree with the thought that even though we're saved by Christ, we can rest assured that He knows we are imperfect and will keep failing. I want to be perfect, I don't want to fail, I want to be holy for Him, and I know it is IMPOSSIBLE to do it by myself, but I can't stand failing Him again.

I have read the sermon of the mount and it made me worry even more because Christ asks us to be perfect like the Lord is, and a series of things that seems unattainable. I am worried I am sinning or even denying His grace by thinking like this, but I don't think just resting is correct, something makes me believe I NEED to try my best to be holy, to give up everything on this world just to try and be holy, even tho what I do doesn't make me sin.

Am I sinning by having this doubt?? Is God maybe mad at me for this, because I can't fully feel or comprehend His love?? I'm sincerely worried about it