AITA for not checking in much with my girlfriend when she regularly disappears for days at a time?
I (29M) have been with my girlfriend (25F) for about two years, and I think we keep running into the same issue over and over.
She’ll go out with friends or visit people for multiple days. This isn’t some rare situation — it happens pretty frequently. During that time, communication from her side is usually minimal. Maybe a couple short texts. But I feel like it is my responsibility to check in every day.
At first, I used to call and text more often because I missed her and wanted to stay connected. But over time I started feeling like I was the only one putting effort into maintaining contact while she was gone.
It doesn't necessarily seen like she really puts too much though into this, but I'm honestly not sure I really trust her fully anymore.
So lately I’ve backed off. I still text to check in at evening time, but I stopped trying to force constant communication if she’s clearly focused on doing her own thing and not communicating much on her own initiative.
The problem is I still feel bad about this and what this means for our relationship. Meanwhile, from my perspective, she’s the one choosing to stay away for days and barely communicating herself.
I don't have any problems giving her this space, it is the lack of communication.
What makes this harder is that I *do* care, and honestly I’m starting to worry we’re drifting apart because of this pattern. I don’t even know what the right move is anymore. If I call more, I feel needy. If I don't it feels we are drifting apart. Perhaps we are? I don't expect anyone to be able to answer this sub question from this info :=)
AITA for starting to replicate her lack of communication?