Paying homage to one of the best "primers" ever for the 500.
>Thinking of parking in the Coke Lot on Sunday morning, are you? Or maybe the fabled North 40 Lot? Some other lot, perhaps? No matter. They're all reasonably similar. And by that I mean each will resemble the fucked up aftermath of the Battle at Antietam — provided, of course, that naked Union survivors were grilling omelettes and bonging anti-freeze atop the bodies of the dead.
>Let us be clear on this, Indy Newcomers: you will see things along your journey to the track that you cannot un-see. Disturbing, unnatural things that will forever challenge your sense of reality. You will see slaughtered woodland creatures and blood-stained javelins and the charred remains of some hideous sofa. You will see at least one person sprawled out atop a makeshift surfboard who you genuinely fear is in need of immediate medical care, but yet is widely ignored. You will see troubled 12-year-olds brewing their own whiskey in a hollowed-out engine block — and they will nod confidently at you when you pass. You will see spent artillery shells and severed tentacles of some sort and a tired-eyed hooker named "Lady" who's chewing tobacco.
>In short, you will see more than enough evidence to lead you to one inescapable thought: that WHATEVER went down here last night, it was exceedingly grandiose & filled with unimaginable danger. Which is mostly true, I think. For there is no Law in these parts. And there are no rules. Except for one:
>This is not for your children's eyes.
>You have been warned.
This might be a little hyperbolized. Might. Just a little bit.
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But for entertainment's sake, Roy Hobbson's 2014 "Guide for Indy 500 Virgins" is still a fun read for first timers. Just be prepared for some very colorful ways of describing things.