AITA for missing my girlfriend's flight and messing up her birthday?
Hi Everyone. I'm in a tough situation with my girlfriend after our weekend together. I have my finals coming up and I have to finish my master's thesis soon, but this situation is driving me insane, and I can barely focus on my academic stuff while this is unresolved.
Context: My gf (F21) and I (M25) have been together for almost a year now. We met last summer at an exchange and we got along pretty well. Even after it ended we kept in touch online, talked a whole bunch and decided to get into a serious relationship together. However we are from different states, so that long-distance aspect of this situation meant that if we wanted to see each other, it was a 3 hour flight or an 7-8 hour drive for one of us to visit.
I had bad experiences with long distance relationships before, so I specifically told her that communication is important to me, so if anything comes up she doesn't have to be afraid to tell me or vica versa. Thankfully, she told me that was important for her as well. We decided the best way we can see each other is to visit each other every 3-4 weeks and spend the weekend together. Ofcourse we wanted more but she is studying as well, so be it the timetable or the budget we could not make this more frequent.
When we visited, we showed each other around, always planned trips or something to do, and met each others parents a few times. Her parents are more traditional or strict but they love her very much. Which is a huge contrast to mine, since they have been divorced for a long time and left me more independent/to my own devices from a young age. By this I mean in my gf's case the family relationship is incredibly important, and she would put her parents above everything else, which I would not do for mine.
This is how it went on for since then, until around 2 weeks ago. What made this weekend special was my gf visiting me and her birthday being that weekend as well, so I made plans for celebration too. I booked a restaurant we toasted and had cake too, gave her a gift (my sister helped me pick it out) very usual stuff imo, although we got back to my place kinda late. The days and the party went really well, the situation only turned for the worse next morning.
So the thing is, she had an early flight the next day (~6-7 a.m.) and the drive to the airport took some time too, so we set a bunch of alarms to get up in time. By some miracle or us being super tired, none of the alarms sounded and we missed the flight. She understandably got very upset and called her parents who were supposed to pick her up later that day. I heard they were having a huge argument, but to be honest I didn't focus on eavesdropping much. While that was happening I was searching for same day flights so she could get home as planned. I found one that for later that afternoon and booked a seat asap. By then she ended the call and looked even more upset than before. It turns out her parents organised a surprise bday party for her but since she wont make the original flight, she will miss all of it. For which her parents blamed her completely, and told in certain terms that she is an adult now, so she can figure out how she would get home. I tried to reassure her with the new flight, hoping that she could celebrate with her family in the evening. This was a good solution for her and so we spent the rest of the time preparing and getting to the airport on time now. But looking back she was a lot colder and distant compared to the days before.
My gf got on her flight alright and I got home straight to bed since this whole day with the planning and the crisis on that day as well left me exhausted. She told me she'd message me when she landed, but she never wrote. I was thinking she was just as tired as I was and there was a lot to deal with over there too.
But she never wrote back since then. I'm not sure it's a good excuse to be honest, but I haven't noticed for a few days, because of the exam prep and assignment deadlines the next week. I mean I wrote her and called sometimes to check up on her but she didn't read messages nor picked up the phone at any time, thinking she was busy too.
But 2 weeks of this silent treatment, somehow really messed me up. First I was really worried for her, however I never got any reply or answer back. I tried to reach out to some of her friends I knew or her parents, but to no avail. Only thing I could see is sometimes her account is online in the app.
This is how we get to today. I'm not sure what else to do in this situation. I can barely focus on anything except this, so I'm here to clear out my head and try to get some closure regarding this situation. So AITA?