He said he saw my video
I’m in shambles right now. My (F30) husband (M29) told me last night that he found out and saw a sex video involving me.
He was pertaining to a one night stand I did years ago when we weren’t together yet. He knows my past and I already told him about this guy back when we were still dating. I admitted before na we were drunk when we did it, pero last night he asked, “how drunk were you? Are you sure it was just him? Do you not remember what really happened?”
My chest started to feel tight, and my stomach began to churn. I thought, he knows something I don’t? Something happened that night that I was not aware of?
I know I was drunk, and the only memory I have was doing it with only one guy. I swore it was the only thing I remember. He looked at me unsure if he can believe or trust me. Wala talaga ako maalala. He said there was a video. I wanted to to see, I asked kung klaro ba yung mukha ko, he said yes. The video was from one of our mutual friends na kasama ko din nung gabing yon. Apparently he was involved in the act too, pero di ko talaga maalala. I said, na if I remember doing it with the guy, I wouldve blocked him a long time ago. Alam ni hubs na lahat ng guy na I dated, gets blocked after a break up or fall out.
Di ko alam gagawin. I had to distance myself from him last night kase I was starting to hyperventilate. I can handle myself better when Im having panic attacks, than him being around. While I was hurt sa the way he looked at me last night, I am more worried and scared that I got violated that night. I was shaking kase I was SA’d as a child, SA’d during my first two relationships. It felt like I am reliving the moments again where I did not have control over my body.
I asked him if galit sya saken or if he sees me differently now. He said hindi and mas galit daw sya sa friends nya because he felt betrayed. I understand. I want to understand na valid din yung pain niya. He wont talk to me, He distanced himself din. I told him it was a past he was already aware of, and siguro what’s important is I am and was never an unfaithful girlfriend and wife.
I booked an appointment with my therapist, but next availability is not until next week. I am highly triggered right now.