Sexless relationship F29 M31 - any advice please?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 and a half years. When we first met, my boyfriend was a virgin and had never been with anyone previously or even kissed a girl. It took him a little while before he was ready to have sex and he experienced a lot of anxiety surrounding sex to begin with.
The first few months/year of the relationship were great, we would have sex a few times a week and always made time for each other/time to be intimate. He was very affectionate and loving but has always seem very anxiously attached to me.
For the past two years, our sex life has dwindled to the point I am at now where we have sex once every two months or so and this is only after me making a point that we haven't. I genuinely think that if I did not bring this up, we would not have sex at all. He is still affectionate towards me in that he will kiss me in the morning (only ever a peck on the lips), hold my hand and cuddle me.
I have tried not mentioning it/bringing it up as I don't want him to feel pressured, but this led to no change. I have tried talking about it on multiple occasions and every time he reassures me there is no issue. I have asked him sensitively if he is anxious about something, whether he finds me less attractive (put less direct than that) or whether he feels he has a low sex drive. He always answers no to everything and that there is no issue. I have said that I feel he is not interested and never initiates, that it is only me bringing up the topic and it is starting to affect me. It makes me feel undesired and unwanted. He says he's 'just tired' or that 'we just need to do it more' or 'we just need to make more time'. Most evenings he spends sat on his computer and then goes to bed.
He has wet dreams quite frequently and is very secretive about this/seems very embarrassed.
It is all starting to really affect me and I don't know where to go from here. I thought it would get better but we are now two years down the line and it's getting worse. He really finds it difficult to talk about anything and I can't believe that there is genuinely not an issue, I feel like he just can't talk to me about it. I don't want to stay in a sexless relationship (I have found my sex drive has also decreased quite a bit - I feel like my self esteem has dropped and I feel very undesired) but I also don't want to end things because of this, as I feel it's cruel.
I have asked him whether he still wants to be together and he is adamant that he does - he has previously become very anxious when I have spoken about ending the relationship.
Any advice or wisdom appreciated.