Is this COCSA
I’m not really sure if what I went through was COCSA. But I used to have sleepovers with this kid and we would play this porn game called touch my body. He introduced it to me. I did not say no. Sometimes I would act like I was asleep to not play. But sometimes I said yes and would feel guilty after. These games started when I was 5 and after a few years if ended. Then it started with another kid. I would go to school and they would ask to go with the bathroom with me. I didn’t scream. I followed them into that stall. But I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t know how to say no. Therefore if can’t be SA with? But I’m jsut so confused because how tf am I suppose to know how to say no at 8?? I couldn’t tell my parents in either situations cause one was close fam friends and the other was a girl and my parents are homophobic. Both of these situations went on for months or years. I’m constantly confused and sometimes (including right now) I feel like I “delete” most of my memories but then it floods back in and I jsut csnt take it. I feel like I only just understood what happened recently and I don’t know whag this is. Is this just experimenting?? I just need to move on but I feel like I’m going in loops. I keep coming back to this and I wanna move on but I don’t really know how. I think the fact that both kids were my age is what confuses me and the fact that I didn’t scream or seek help (but I just didn’t know how to tell someone so idk). I also have other experiences but can someone tell me why I have so many experiences with this like wtf why was I a magnet?? I mean I was a pretty lonely kid. I don’t know what to do because I’ve been told that it is COCSA but I just feel like I’m victimising myself. But please tell me, is this COCSA? Or do you need more details to know?