Postpartum support from in laws?
I’m a new mom in India and struggling with my in-laws postpartum. They stayed with us for 4 months after my baby was born in the UK. During that time I felt constantly expected to be a “pleasant, respectful daughter-in-law” on the surface, but not genuinely supported as a recovering mother.
They love playing with the baby but rarely help with actual caregiving like nappies, soothing, night support, etc. I end up doing all the work while also managing everyone emotionally. Even now, we live only two blocks away, but they rarely come see the baby themselves. I’m usually the one taking the baby over, even in extreme heat.
Recently there was a fight because my husband finally stood up for me. My in-laws basically admitted they mainly want visible respect/approval from me rather than a real relationship. Now they want me and the baby to stay with them again for a week, and I feel emotionally exhausted by the whole dynamic.
I’m trying to understand if other women in Indian families have experienced this kind of pressure after childbirth — where appearances and “being a good daughter-in-law” mattered more than actual postpartum support.I believe its all about control and them wanting to forget my family and just be around them. I posted a picture with my mom and baby online and then they created a scene saying why were they not in the picture. I am so resentful towards them as my husband was really sad yesterday. For my husband’s sake i am going to stay with them for a week so he doesn’t have to listen to taunts on behalf of me. I want to now disrupt their morning routine by handing them the baby to get a few more minutes of sleep and having coffee etc which my mom helps me with now but they wont. Will that teach them the responsibility with kids who instead of playing with her at their own convenience. These are the same people who left the gender reveal party and didn’t talk to my husband for days since they got to know it was a girl in my womb and not a boy so naturally don’t hold baby love for them
How did you create boundaries without creating a huge family war? And how did you stop feeling resentful when the emotional and physical workload was so unequal?