ADHD and long term relationships
I was with my fiancee for over 8 years. A beautiful, loving, blissful relationship. We had pets, a home, a life… those 8 years will forever be the best parts of my life. I proposed to her last Christmas, I hid the ring in the tree… I still have the video I took that day when I hid my phone where she wouldn’t see it…
A few months ago, I became friends with someone who I played games with online, and her and I just bonded immediately. My brain started frantically trying to figure out what was going on. Was I in love? Did I not love my fiancee anymore? Was I just stuck? My brain made me feel all these different types of emotions, and it led me to believe that I was no longer in love with my fiancee…. And I left. I realized I was emotionally cheating, and I left.
After about a month, everything started to become clearer to me. Like the facade lifted, the fog cleared… and I was left with this absolute horrible feeling in my stomach … I knew I messed up. But what type of shitty man am I to be the exact embodiment of “I didn’t know what I had until I lost her” — because I did know what I had. I had something fucking beautiful. Something kind, warm, safe… and my brain saw something new and went, “oooohh, shiny!”.
Now, I’m sitting on my bedroom floor, every night, trying to piece together how I could let my brain trick me? How could I believe it? Why would it do something like that when we were already so fucking happy?
Have yall heard of Limerence? I would highly suggest looking into it if you have severe ADHD and find yourself “fixating” on things for a short period of time, just for a quick “dopamine spike”, and you won’t even know it. You’ll believe it’s the real thing… that what you’re feeling is forever. But it’s not, it’s a facade. A trick. And it’s something I wish I knew about beforehand, because if I knew more, I could’ve taken its power away. I would’ve recognized those chemical spikes in my head as my ADHD brain craving dopamine… because for the last 8 years, I was in a comfortable relationship, and my brain thought “comfortable”, meant “bored”. If I had just known, if I had just taken it seriously and stayed medicated … I would be lying next to her in the bedroom we shared for almost a decade … and instead, I’m sleeping alone.
I just need some guidance, advice, and to maybe see how others have dealt with this if it has ever occurred? Am I crazy? Or is this something that ADHD plays a huge part in?